You Won’t Believe What This Guy Has NEVER Done

You Won’t Believe What This Guy Has NEVER Done


I have a question. I’ve never asked this
before, but does anyone have change for a 20? No, I’m kidding. I’m kidding. But that was so nice of
you to offer, just in case. What did you have it in fives? Ones? What did you have? I have a ten, five
ones, and one five. And one five? OK. Just in case, later in
the show, I want one. I don’t need it
right now though. Actually, this is the
question I want to ask. So I assume all of you have
watched the program before. You’ve all seen the show? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I’ve never asked this
before, but is there anyone in the audience who
has never seen an entire show? Maybe you’ve seen– that never
has seen the entire show? Wow. There are a lot of people
in the audience that have never seen an entire show. You’ve never seen
the whole show. And you– you’re so
embarrassed, sir. You’re– everyone else was
very proud to say they have not watched the show. And yet, you’re– and I
appreciate that about you, that you didn’t want to
raise your hand and say that. I have questions for all
of you that have never seen an entire show– that you’re so busy, that you
can’t watch an entire show. What is your name? Michael. Hey, Michael. How are you? I’m doing well, how are you? Good. OK. I’m good, thank you for asking. So you’ve never seen–
you’ve seen the show, but not the entire show? Not in its entirety, no. What have you– you’ve seen it
on the internet or something? Just clips? Yeah. But not enough that makes you
want to see– you’ve seen it, and you’re like, yeah, I see it. You’ve just seen clips of it,
and didn’t have any interest in the entire show. That’s– you’re speak– I don’t know about that. But I have had interest
in seeing the entire show. Yes. And here you are. Yeah. And who are you with? My brother. This is my brother, Russ. Hi, how are you? Hi. Have you seen an entire show? No. Neither of you. Wonderful. Well that’s all right. You know, I mean
it’s a big world, and I haven’t
reached everyone yet. And maybe by the time I
die, you’ve all seen me. And where do you all live? We’re from Texas. From Texas, OK. Do you live in Texas now, sir? No, not right now. I live in Eureka. Eureka. Eureka! And you live also in Eureka? I live in Burbank. In Burbank. He’s visiting me
for the weekend. I see. So you live right
down the street. What do you do for a living? Well, I work in
the film industry. Where? In the Burbank area. Do you work on the
Warner Brothers lot? Yes, I do. What? Wow. Should I apologize? I’ll apologize. That should be mandatory
for people who work here, that they watch my show. Wow. Well– so you’ve never
seen an entire show. What happens is I
talk to the audience. Usually it doesn’t
go this in-depth. But I usually bring somebody
down to join me sometimes. So today, Michael, it’s you. Come on down. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hi, Michael. It’s so good to meet you. Nice to meet you too. OK, so– and you’re tall. How tall are you? I am. I’m 6′ 5″. 6′ 5″. Me– I’m not. And what’s your brother’s name? Russell. Hi, Russell. Hi. So Michael’s down here. I could have chosen you,
but I chose Michael. Here, you stand
on that red mark. This is– in the biz, we
call this the monologue mark. And there’s a different
picture of me every day they do, just to kind
of make me smile. And that’s me with Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton has been
on the show before. What parts of the
show have you seen? What have you seen me do? I’ve seen you scare
a lot of people. Yeah, I scare people. I’ve seen you have on some
celebrities and stuff. Play some games. Right. That’s what we do. Yeah. Tell jokes. Yeah, so you got the hang of it. That’s what it is. Yeah. No need to watch another one. So I– [CHIME RINGING] Oh. You know what that– I mean, the audience does. You don’t know what that is. That is time for
a shot of the day. [MUSIC PLAYING] Shot of the day! All right. What is this? Shot of the day. Oh. Yes. Shot of the day. Yeah. That’s what we do. Isn’t that fun? Yeah. We have a whole lot
of fun around here. [HORN BLARES] Oh no. You know what time that is. He doesn’t know, because
he’s never seen the show. But it’s time for
joke of the day. Bring me my joke, please. But today, I’m not
going to do the joke. You’re going to do it, Michael. Oh jeez. Go on. Hold that microphone. You’re in the film industry,
you know how it works. What’s the difference between
a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? No– go? One is a crusty bus station,
and the other is a crusty– crust– crust– sorry. Are you drunk? Crustation. Good delivery. That’s wonderful. That’s uh– [MUSIC PLAYING] You know what time
that is, everybody. He doesn’t, because he’s
never seen the show. Bring Michael the Elsa wig. We always celebrate– Oh, yes. Yes, that’s the Elsa wig. Do you know the movie Frozen? Have you seen it? I have seen Frozen. OK, you’ve seen– so you have
time for an entire movie aimed at children, but
you don’t have time for the adult
daytime show, Ellen. Anyway, all right. I did apologize. No, no, no. I’m just giving you a hard time. Because– [MUSIC PLAYING] You know what time that is. The audience does. You don’t though. Whoever’s down here with
me takes their shirt off. [CHEERING] I’m kidding, I’m kidding. No. No. The lawyers asked us
to stop doing that. So we can’t do that anymore. But all right, so anyway,
that’s sort of what we do. And then you know it’s
a Tuesday today, right? So Tuesday is pony day. There’s a lot of
dancing that goes on. And you’ve seen the dancing
that happens, right? I have. All right, so what
happens is whoever is down here talking to me
dances back to their seat. And since it’s
Tuesday, it’s pony day. And it’s usually–
and I’m not going to say everybody dances
sexy, but most people do. So you’ll dance sexily back
to your seat to the pony song, because it’s Tuesday. All right? [MUSIC PLAYING] All right, Michael. Thank you so much. Enjoy the show, Michael. I’m really surprised at how many
people are here who have never seen an entire episode. So you’ve seen clips of it,
and then you decide, hmm, but I’ll go see a whole taping. That’s what I’ll do.

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