(funky music) – [Announcer] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is, Breaking News. – Good evening everyone, welcome to the breaking news, the show where we have no idea what we’re about to say and we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Prune Hub. – And I’m Tom Wanks. – What? – [Prune] Oh no, for the duration of this episode, I will be holding these two dumbbells out. – And I
– I have arthritis for real in my shoulders. – And I will be wearing this mouth prop for the entire duration of this episode. Am I wearing it right? – Put it sideways. – Yeah.
– Like that? – This goes on your lip, yeah, right, exactly.
– Oh God. – [Tom] I can’t it was killing me. – Okay, our first story
takes place at the YMCA. (Prune yells in pain)
The city tested the water at the YMCA’s pool and found it was 99% old people hair and somehow just one percent water. YMCA members were livid with the Y. MC Rap Attack, a DJ and YMCA member said, “This is disgusting,
I am never coming back to the YMCA ever again. The YMCA has screwed me
over for the last time I’ll see to my revenge on the
Y, this life or the next.” When asked for comment
the Y just responded with, “Y stands for Young, C
stands for Chrisitan still, M stands for Men, A
stands for Association.” – Thanks Prune Hub. In other news, Coachella has announced their lineup for 2020. Headlining the festival
will be a slippery dog and its greasy owner, Pasty White People featuring Ben Gibbard, Hippopotamus Purple Funk Phantom Menace, Gravity Bong Slurps, and
his first live performance since he announced his retirement, Dukie Pinochet and the Droopy Avenues. – Wow, now that’s a lineup. If only the Village People, the creators of YMCA, were also there. – Yeah sure, comedy acts will include, the dentist from the viral video “David After the Dentist”,
the production assistants from the t.v. show “Workaholics”,
and Danica Patrick. You remember Danica Patrick, right? From those GoDaddy commercials? Well, she’s doing stand-up now and it’s a sight to see, wowie. – Sounds like it’ll be a really good time. Now, let’s go down to the place where sand come from on the beach. Our reporter who’s standing on one of those wobbly balance boards is down by the street. Whoa, Diane, how’s it going down there? – Oh my god you gotta be.
– [Grant] Oh no. Oh no. To steal the lingo of some
of the people down here I’d say it’s a real hang ten! Cowabunga dude! The waves are gnarly right now. I saw a sweet sewll that must have been as high as a helicopter following a high speed chase on the one oh one. Forecast says it’s nothing
but sun and shine down here. – Have you been eating any
good barbecue down there? – You know what, I gotta bulk up you know? With my routine and all the stuff that’s happening right now.
– Aw, hell yeah. – A big manta ray actually
ate my dog, Puppers, when I was on the beach
and so it has scarred me from ever going to the beach. – That’s a horrifying story and I wish you’d never told me that. It really hurts to look
at you, I just can’t. – This is awful, all of this is awful. – Sometimes I wish
– Oh no – I could play as the mayor from jaws and see how I would handle the situation if a great white shark
was attacking my town. – Now I realize also
that the longer I speak, the longer that YMCA
– We gotta talk faster! – Thanks Diane, shred the gnar. – And now we take you to
the Gordon Ram-It-In-Me, reporting on traffic. – Thanks Prune Hub. (Screams) – Oh no! – I appear to be reporting from the scene in a normal manner, no challenge yet. (Screams) Traffic appears to be doing pretty well on the one oh one and four oh five. The idiots are just leaving their jobs to just go home to their
big mansions in the valley. There’s a huge traffic
jam on Sunset because everyone’s rushing to be first
in line for an improv show. Traffic is crazy towards
the Hollywood Bowl because all four Beatles have been reincarnated and are now playing a bunch of songs, and that’s traffic. – Thanks Gordon Ram-It-In-Me. Well, that’s all the
time we have for tonight. – Before we go, our loser
of the week is Erika. Thanks for watching! – (screams) I will beat you up! – You all knew this was happening! Every single one of you
was conspiring against us! – I’m so upset.
– You knew! – I’m so upset, this is a bad show. We shouldn’t make this show anymore. Who wrote this? I’m gonna find out who wrote this, and I’m gonna tweet about it.
– We’re gonna kill them! – Hi, I still don’t know
what I’m about to say because I’m a big, stupid idiot. If you like that video,
you can go to hell. And then you can go to dropout.tv to start your free trial today. For every episode of
Breaking News that’s here there’s another episode only
available on dropout.tv. Until next time, I’m Grant O’Brian, which is Irish for Grant of Brian.