Xenonion News: The Latest Headlines From Your Cluster

Xenonion News: The Latest Headlines From Your Cluster

//Commence Captioning [countdown sequence with some mild beeping] [catchy news jingle] All the latest news from your cluster Human president Jeffrey Rossario faces corruption charges over claims he inappropriately spent influence It’s day 538 in the search for the missing space amoeba, Bubbles And a new study suggests we’re all just helpless pawns, trapped inside a computer simulation All this and more, coming up You’re watching Xenonion News Broadcasting live from the ISS Xenonion Deep Space Black Site, to wherever you think you are right now With Unity Albright on the news desk Lurgg The Impaler on sports And Cindy, in the 24/7/365 Weather Sentry Array Good evening, you’re watching Xenonion News, I’m Unity Albright We start tonight with some breaking news out of the Zantaris System Where galactic diplomats are scrambling to minimise damage After a one-planet minor accidentally insulted a fallen empire The insult to the Vroth Combine A notoriously aggressive stagnant ascendency Was issued from high nest, the only planet of the newly formed Caawian cooperative An Avian bureaucracy that discovered FTL 2 months ago For more we’re now joined by Xenonion political correspondent Hask Kalass and Caawian representative, tasty looking bird Evening to you both Hask, starting with you, what’s happened here? Well Unity, the Caawian are one of the newest species to join the galactic community And it appears they didn’t realise the Vroth were a Fallen Empire One govt. official tweeted how they initially thought the Vroth were a pre-sapient reptialian species and issued an insult accordingly Upon realising their mistake the Caawians tried to apologise diplomatically but were hindered after discovering the Galactic UN banned embassies last year Caawian leader Supreme Coo also attempted to ease tensions by holding a public press conference but that was cut short after he became distracted by a shiny object and began furiously pecking at it and delicious looking bird, what is the Caawian position on this? We have made a grave error, and on behalf of all of my species I sincerely apologise to the Vroth. These are certainly concerning times and the geo-political situation in our region of space has never been more tense. I hope through establishing a dialogue we can relay that this was all a misunderstanding and that in time we can be forgiven for our actions. We would also be happy to sacrifice a select, delicious, sub-section of our population as a peace offering to the Vroth, if they so choose. I go especially well with white wine. I see… well thank you both for your insightful analysis The Vroth have not yet responded to the insult, but unconfirmed reports have begun to filter through that several of their 200k battleship fleets have begun to amass outside of Caawian borders Supreme Coo has attempted to quell panic by reassuring pops living on High Nest that he is confident the Cooperative’s five corvettes will keep them safe We’ll have more on this story as it breaks If you’re joining us by>you can watch a more detailed report by>Likewise If you’re joining us by the Shroud then you shouldn’t be needing to read this, should you? We’re going to take a short break right now but when we come back, we’ll be asking is the galaxy about to run out of tileblockers? //End — Captioning by Xenonion Interstellar Translation Service [XITS]


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