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48 thoughts on “Why Kids Talk Back and What To Do About It”

  • shaveece brooks says:

    Riiiight..so when your kid says "Shut UP and go do the dishes YOURSELF!!" ..(you just smile and say "oh dear u must be hurting indsde, come let me hug you and take you to Dairyqueen

  • Henry Mieure says:

    As a parent this ticks me off. when my child talks back and says why, I explain to him not being an ignorant prick. Unlike most parents I do not silence their ideas. When children feel contained, they fell they do not having basic freedom of speech and it affects them in the future. This leads to the child thinking they must do everything an adult tells them and not question it even if it is bad.

  • I disagree! My child learned to disrespect me & do NOTHING around the house from my abusive ex husband. Your video was no help!

  • "Someone saying wow I don't know where that came from I'm interested in what's going on for you". I needed to hear this as an overworked mum who doesn't always take time connect with my beautiful children.

  • The term "back talk" has been so distorted by older people feeling like they're entitled to some level of superiority over anyone adolescent or younger to the point that even they don't know what it means. I'm a 17 yo high school junior and I'm constantly accused of back talk (mainly by my coach) when all I try to do is explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, stating an evident fact or for simply disagreeing with them despite having sufficient reasoning to do so.

    A couple weeks back we were heading into the weight room and had to cross the track. No big deal right? We have our runners jogging by and the coach tells us to stop for them. I stop walking a couple steps after he told us to right next to the track with the rest our group. He yells at me "What are you doing?!" I quickly look back to him startled by his seemingly random exclamation, and ,starting to cross after the runners had passed, replied. "I stopped." He catches up to me, pulls me aside and tells me that if I want to stay on the team (despite being one of our best throwers) that he isn't having any more "back talk" from me, despite never aggravating him in any way prior. What did I do wrong? I stopped by the track like he did – doing what he told me to, albeit a bit late but not so much that I'm being ran over by sweaty runners. How was this response in any way dictated?

    Later that same day, we were in the weight room, which was where we were heading, we didnt have too much time and I wanted to get at least some workout in. I'm squatting my warmup weight, and knocking them out fast as to save time for my work sets, and the coach walks by me and tells me to slow down. Now mind you I'm VERY defensive when it comes to my workout. I've always been a strong kid and I didnt lay around to be that way. I did physically taxing labor with my father and am constantly in the gym. Now through all this and throughout my life I've been prideful for my physique that I EARNED through hard work and dedication in my early years. So you can see why I'd be defensive about it. Now, accepting his knowledgeable advice, and knowing that slower reps are better for warming up, I do slow down, and with the weight still on my back say "I'm on my workset", still startled considering he practically yelled it at me. So I rack up the weight after I'm done and he decides to say the infamous line "You'd better quit talking back if we're gonna make this work."

    Now I'm mad, but out of respect for his "authority" did not raise my voice as he had to tell him off, and this I'll agree was poor word choice, but I said "I'm not talking back to you, sir. I'm saying what I'm doing." My lord did he hate that. He gets in my face and in a bunch of jumbled up sentences tells me that I'd better quit it or I'm off the team, and nearly was.

    Now I know this was a long read, especially since it's a YouTube comment, but this just goes to show what the term "talking back" has become. Sure I suppose saying you're not talking back can be considered that, but with all I've said before, what IS it then? To me, it's a tool used by anyone older to antagonize, downplay, accuse, dehumanize, and exercise some false level of superiority over a younger person in any scenario simply because they are older.

    So with all this said, what is talking back now?

  • I never had that problem with my son. His mom always had that problem. I raised him in my home u don't have to love me or like me but u will respect me if something is wrong talk to me even if its bad. His mom let him have a opinion about everything since he was little and now can't control him and always calls me. I tell parents never let your kids talk back if they are on the verge then send them away to another room then when u r both calm u will be surprise what your children tells u once there calm.

  • I have a classmate who backtalked to any teacher, and even today as writing this comment took it as far to tell the ELA teacher outside "You're being a pain in the ass." Pretty funny.

  • Laura Tachack says:

    I've made jokes to my mom here and there. unfortunately she would take them to seriously and get really mad at me. Every mistake that I've made in my life she would all ways bring it up in arguments. she always brings up the past. When we get in arguments, she says things that I don't like or agree with and oftentimes i try to defend my self and the point that I'm trying to make. But she doesnt listen. I try to tell her things, but everytime we are arguing she blows it back in my face. I'm the type of person if you are accusing me of something that isn't true, or being disrespectful to me I do unfortunately talk back. it's hard to calm down sometimes, when you're arguing with someone or just haveing a disagreement.

  • I’m so fucking mad about my mom and
    Here’s a example:
    I get blamed for something I didn’t do and then I tell her I didn’t do it and stop blaming me for everything i did not do so then she would reply saying something along the lines of “STOP BACKCHATTING YOUR GROUNDED” some parents just think that they are the shit because they gave birth to you and can do what ever you want with the kid even treating them like shit. Mate even the teachers treat me better.

  • Christelle Fru says:

    I'm just a kid watching this because my mom thinks everytime I answer her or tell her something in context of what she stated before, she gets mad and says that I need to stop talking back to her. I never meant to be disrespectful, I just wanted my emotions to be noticed and for me to be loved. It was never supposed to be hard.

  • Even tho it’s a legit valid argument

    Your given the “get rid of that tone in your voice” or “stop back talking”

  • Not all back talk is bad most that I've seen is an honest question or concern yet the teacher or parent punishes the child instead of answering the question or fixing the issue which turns this into the bad back talk like the kind you stated. When kids say Why? They might just be curious as to your reasons. Much of what you say is true. Then when the child meets the adult's disrespect with respect or as respectful as possible the adult just explodes with anger. Can you help me understand why adults do this?

  • I think it doesn't matter how old are you, you need to learn to regulate yourself and learn how to respect people. Saying it's ok and having the parents to bear or look through the bad behaviour is just creating more self-centred people in the future! I wish you can look for better help! "Parenting a confident Teen" is a way better book to feel that someone is also giving us the strategy to deal with the situation when kids are not being respectful, regardless who is the person they are talking to.
    I had consulted a phycologist like this one before who had one-sided want the parents to get a grip, perhaps it's just a lot easy to do that than coaching a teen;-)
    The behaviour change must be mutual, you just don't hope that the kids will grow out of bad behaviour.
    I had also read some comments here: Kids! if you don't think you are not talking badly but only your parents are overly sensitive, record it and playback and see if you like people talking to you in that manner.

  • Jincy Velpuri says:

    Dear Lori, thank God I came across your channel. You are very practical. My preschooler is 3.6 years. She is not very friendly, gets angry very easily and expresses the same by shouting at other kids. Yes, I have been strict with her and was expecting all to be perfect even though I know the reality still when it comes to application I always fail. She doesn't talk well to her father and always clings to me. Even in school she mostly is comfortable with herself. She shouts and gets angry at everyone but she never did that to me. Sometimes she is extremely stubborn. Many times I tell to myself that I failed as mother. Please help me.

    Thank you
    Jincy

  • I am getting terrible with handling this and am reaching out as a mom who feels I am doing it all wrong and am burnt out.

  • NattieMaddie Luv says:

    But you learned that as an adult. Children need to be children. I feared my mom and it forced me to be quiet and lonely in our relationship. I tried a different approach for my kid, doesn't work. Children need to do what they're told because we are responsible for them and they reflect us. I ask, what's wrong. Talk to me, don't be frustrated. I cannot tolerate kids at their worse. Just try.

  • fulcher renee says:

    This is most rational thing I have heard since my year journey to find out what's going on with my daughter and how to help her. She is in foster care and doing this. And I know it has to be so confusing to her, every one is trying to blame me for not parenting her right. So it's blame game and no one is even focusing on her and her feelings. I try when I see her. And I realized I had to stop relating and advising. . I just listened as she told me what was going on, I looked at her and said, how did it make you feel and at the very moment I saw all of her stress released and we finally connected it was so simply but we get so distracted by putting judge ment on on another we are overlooking the poor kids they just want and need to be heard be respected and to make their on choices.

  • Norma Torres says:

    A parent/caregiver needs to be taught how to communicate and respond to child/teenager and vice versa. We all need to understand that as humans we all have issues which will make us respond and react differently. Everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Everyone wants to be valued, loved, and heard. Just remember, learn to gauge what is going on in your environment and keep calm when dealing with each other. There is nothing wrong with saying I love you and will try to understand and respect you. Remember hurt, tired, and ill people will communicate out of their frustrations….one of the parties involved must calm down.

  • my  7 yrs old son  back talk me  all the  time  n  never  talk back  my  mom or sister but  it  hurt me  how  he  behave  this way  what  best  advice  can  you give me

  • hmm i remember talking rude to my parents with the intention to hurt them sometimes. after lots of broken promises my respect was gone too. i don't think they ever understood how painful it was, always saying one thing and doing the other.

  • Not Gay Bear says:

    Conversation is a progression of ideas, "back-talk" is the act of preventing this progress. To move the conversation backward. This is our household definition of the word back-talk. It's a work in progress. Our kids lose screen time for back talking, so we had to define it.

  • Jacek Garigen says:

    I talk back to my parents and I know I’m doing it. The only reason why I do it is because I’m not the one being disrespectful and rude, but rather my parents are. So I speak out my opinion and get in trouble for it but I don’t really care. I even record them yelling at me and then me saying why the punishment is way to harsh!

  • Even children know their rights…. I'm used to getting slap/scolded by my mom, she started her own problem. When she ask me a question and I didn't answered she said I'm rude. When I answered back, they say I backtalk. My mom has a reputation of a hypocrite. A lot of my relatives avoid her. Alot of them said alot of bad stuff about her which I agree. (Never admit her mistakes, relatives visit during new year. She promised to take them for a sight viewing. Went to local or overseas casinos and just dump them there and she herself went gambling.) Went I told her to stop her gambling as she nearly wasted so much money and nearly got us broke. When she have money in overseas, we live in luxury hotel. If don't have money, live in relatives house. She even say our relatives are jealous of her the moment she get pissed when I said she got a title of gambling b**ch from relatives. Our relatives is rich, live in a mansion, children already got degree/bachelor and then theres me stuck in high school this year. My mom got arrested before and beg me to write a letter to let her out with a promise she will change her attitude. After she was let out, 2 year sentence to 6 months, she fking still the same a hole.

  • monstersince says:

    whats not to love about debating with an 8 yr old. i told her i sold her twin brother to the Gypsies to buy a donkey. she was happy with that

  • XTH3Champ101X says:

    What if we say something but the parents don’t understand and take it the wrong way every time so now I can’t even talk to them anymore about anything. An example is when we were driving to Home depot and I asked where she wanted me to park and she said it doesn’t matter. But the last time we went to the Home Depot she got super mad and yelled at me about where I parked. So I asked to make sure I parked where she wanted and she just said it doesn’t matter. I said “ok, but last time you got mad about where I parked” and when I parked she yelled at me again. I meant nothing about it but to make sure I parked where she wanted. She was mad and just wanted me to go alone and before I closed the door I said “ok might be longer, it’s one one person going” she yelled at me thinking that I was being sarcastic about it but actually I was just simply saying it’s gonna take longer because I have to run around the store by my self but like I said she took it the wrong way and yelled at me

  • My nephew's stepmom slapped him in the mouth right in front of me when he "back talked", he was talking to me, not her (I had been his most of the time caregiver before she came along, he was 3 or 4, I was SO terribly upset!!! and NoOne in my family comforted me or backed me up, the worst part was It Was Terribly Physically painful for Him, my nephew, because he had just minutes prior, tripped & bumped his mouth on a table…
    Which mean besides the pain from that, what caused him to stumble… he could have already been tired, or getting sick…
    I didn't even see it as "back talk" I knew he was just telling me something with strong feelings! He is now a teenager and seems emotionally well… i am the one that is scarred, but I already was from my own childhood of emotional neglect… I'm watching this to share with a friend who said her 3yo son "back talks", he is on the Autism spectrum, & I told her he isn't capable of intentionally being rude, he is doing his best to communicate.

    Somehow I forget this with my own daughters…😟 my 7yo is on the Autism spectrum & until very recently I hadn't realized that I am also…we both and my 5yo all have a lot of repairing/healing learning to do…

  • Teresa Mccroskey says:

    Recently discovered your channel! OMG! So wonderful and needed right now! You've really opened my eyes to some things! Thank you so much and please keepem coming! Such a wonderful gentle way of explaining things everyone should know! Just lovely!

  • Francisco valdez says:

    What if you’re parents acted the way you wanted them to and you became a totally different person because of that? Are you happy with the personality you have now?

  • What if he's not a teenager? Mine is 10 now and he never stopped arguing since he was very little wether it is to brush his teeth or even get him to go to bed on time. It can be nerve wrecking. My husband' s parenting style is also in conflict with mine and it makes things worse.

  • final lucario says:

    Smack her in her mouth it fixed me the first time I did it. These pussy ass parents and thear hippie Bullshit ways of handling a big mouth kid. This lady is a shithead

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