TRUMP vs HILLARY (Rap News 36 – Special Edition!)

TRUMP vs HILLARY (Rap News 36 – Special Edition!)

Howzit my chinas you’re tuned in to the News World Order with me your host Bill de Berg, hard-truths reporter I heard you’re seeking some form of closure so here’s an update as we march deeper into glorious dystopia Ja… things have taken a lekker turn hey? The world’s unravelling, tensions rising, sabres rattling ISIS up in yo airports, fake economies faltering immigrants crossing all of your imaginary borders And worst of all, you oaks don’t even know what’s happening since Rap News wrapped up, sending you all scrambling Now there’s no more Robert Foster here to explain and even Prince and Bowie ascended to another plane. But don’t worry, I’ve come back to offer some assistance in a once-off Rap News special edition on the year’s final tragedy: the US election Let’s get right down to action, with Hillary Clinton. – First Lady in the White House, bitches Y’all about to witness the first ever female POTUS No more dicks, only ovaries up in the Oval Office – Welcome Hillary, what makes you the top pick for voters? – Bill, the sad truth of it is we’re losing our grip the current neoliberal order has taken numerous hits the structure is crumbling and the world is suffering under it struggling, and now people have had it with the one per cent Debt, austerity, all spreading like cancers People are hungry for a cure and thirsty for answers for a commander who cares instead of one who merely panders… – You mean someone like Bernie Sanders? – Exactly, that’s why we berned his nomination chances with backroom media deals and dirty slanders Debbie landed one of the most scandalous gerrymanders And that’s why I’m the top Democratic candidate – Ahh Hillary, such a pro at dealing with Libtard chumps But will that be enough? Now we meet the c*** whose rise has left many, including himself stumped What makes you the best nominee, Donald Trump? – I’m smart, I know words, all the best words like, tremendous, terrific and… believe me, all the best words. But to Make America Great again, we need action by bringing back the haydays of racism and fascism Check my list: incite rabid nationalism blame our problems on Jews… I mean Muslims and Mexicans call on rivals to be killed, or imprisoned support the use of torture, especially for my critics Also, I’m very rich. Sure I’ve made some folks homeless But not paying employees is how I got this loaded The country’s just another company, we all know this And this is why it’s me that needs to be the CEO-TUS Coz all I do is win win win, no matter what Got money on my mind I can never get enough And every time I sound more like the Fuhrer Everybody’s hands go up… And they stay high, And they say ‘heil’! – You’re rated as the most hated candidates in history Impressive! How did you to achieve this? Hillary? – Oh Bill, it’s easy when you’re a corporate shill like me We sold out families to our masters on Wall Street Now working classes are angry and highly peeved at being betrayed by elites from Ivy Leagues… – I agree, that’s why they’re flying to me Il Douche, the strongman they need. Or so they’re led to believe – You stand no chance against my loyal Hill-bots despite all my epic fails, from gay-marriage flip-flops to leaked emails, the american people are left with no option but to opt for the lesser evil – Lesser evil? More like a war criminal, and a liar probably sold a ton of arms to the Saudis just in the past hour – ha ha ha ha ha ha hahaaaaa Did I mention that I landed here under sniper fire? – Trust me, we’re not safe under this vile statist – A whole lot safer than under a frickin child rapist A small-time dick-tator, with a small… – That’s it! I have BIG hands, look at the size of these hands bitch! Well it’s safe to say that, either way, we’re guaranteed the USA will have a great Commander in Grief But do you wonder what this debate would be like          if it featured true alternatives from the Left and the Right? Let’s find out, shall we? – Jill Stein for the Greens here spilling some real messages Hillary’s a disgrace to any self-respecting feminist You want a woman in the White House? Well, here’s one who isn’t a corporate sell-out slashing your benefits one who doesn’t bomb kids in the streets and prop up their oppressors in the Middle East or who receives funding from brutal regimes supports coups in Honduras then deports refugees – Yo yo yo Gary Johnson on the mic, wassuuup! Republicans, dudes, you need to lighten uuuup the GOP is over, that’s right it’s done Forget Aleppo, somebody help me light this blunt Coz first thing I’ll do when I’m the Prez is legalise weed and ban Income Tax instead cut the military budget by 43 per cent abolish the IRS and dismantle the Fed – If I’m elected I’ma put an end to all student debt Fuck the banks, bail out the next generation! – Support marriage equality, embrace immigration so I can get blazed with everyone of all nations – Honestly, forget these lofty sermons ‘n dreams the only person with serious policies is Vermin Supreme Working a scheme to fight the Zombie apocalypse Who else will be ready when the monsters stomp ya metropolis? Then I’ll solve the whole energy crisis by putting them zombies on giant hamster-wheel devices Defeat ISIS with daily glitter bombing and kill baby Hitler with time-travel technology My Tooth brushing laws are a special development Get your shiney smiling teeth looking very excellent It’s time for the first glitter wizard President vote for me n there’ll be free ponies for All Americans   – I’m a doctor, here’s some free medical wisdom we need to fix the cancer of this two-party prison – It’s the only way to cure this sick political system – So America – Vote your conscience, this election! – Thanks third-party candidates, that may be so Sadly though, we control the media which means we can block you from the show and most voters will never know the better options that you offer to the status quo So if you’re content with the lesser evil: Vote Hillary It’ll fan the very flames of discontent that are fuelling fascist sentiments, and personally I can’t wait to see how much more threatening the next Trump will be Or fuck it, vote Trump, if you’re really feeling courageous! I’ve always wanted to try living in The Dark Ages ja kids, it’s great to witness history in the making but watching it repeat, is even more entertaining Or maybe you’ll surprise me and see the light: By building a movement that truly unites Left and Right Re-includes the disencfranchised in the nation’s life And declares war on your common enemy: corporate might I’ll be back next election, sisters and brothers assuming of course that there will even be another to discover which history you’ll choose to write Till then – Bill de Berg, for Rap News, goodnight. Subtitles by: .koolfy


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