Trump News Network: LeBron James and Enemies of the People

Trump News Network: LeBron James and Enemies of the People


♪♪ -Welcome back to the
Trump News Network, The only news network dedicated
to professionalism, integrity. and level-headed journalism. Which brings us to tonight’s
top story. Lebron James is a big stupid
idiot and I hate him. [ Laughter ] I tweeted about him
this weekend. and everyone’s rushing to
Lebron’s defense because he’s “a great basketball player who
builds schools for children, and isn’t under investigation
for treason.” [ Laughter ] Whatever, he’s a good basketball
player. If he’s a good one, then I’m
a good basketball player, too. I mean, I’m great at dribbling. [ Laughter ] I’m great at free throws, and blocking.
I’m very good at blocking. I’m very good at that. A lot of people don’t know that. Now, everyone thinks I’m crazy
for attacking Lebron, but it’s actually a genius move,
folks. Midterms are coming, and Ohio is
a swing state. We need Ohio, and guess who
hates Lebron more than anyone right now. That’s right, the Ohionese. [ Laughter ] Which is why I’m announcing that
the new national thing is the buckeye. I don’t know what it is.
Is it a nut, is it a fruit, It looks like a candy bar. [ Laughter ] Also, my running mate in 2020
will be the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame. Sorry, Mike Pence. [ Applause ] Speaking of Mikes, I also
tweeted that I prefer Michael Jordan to Lebron. I mean, it’s no contest.
Michael Jordan is the world’s all-time greatest underwear
salesman. [ Laughter ] Which reminds me, this portion
of TNN is brought to you by Hanes. Hanes, now available in small, medium, large, and presidential. [ Laughter and applause ] Anyway, back to my tweet. I also attacked Don Lemon. I don’t like Don lemon. I don’t even like lemons,
even though 90% of the time it looks like I’m sucking
on one. [ Laughter ] Speaking of idiots named Don
who are making my life hard, Don Junior met with the Kremlin
informant at Trump Tower, but the Russia investigation is
a total hoax. Total hoax. It’s the biggest hoax since we
found out IHOP didn’t really change its name to IHOB. Be careful, IHOP.
Publicity stunts are fun, but sometimes they can go
a little too far. [ Cheers and applause ] Anyway, now I’m worried
Robert Mueller has his eyes on Don Junior. Mueller, we’ve had our
differences, but please go easy on Junior. Just look at him. This is not the face of a man
that would do well in prison. [ Laughter ] He once got beaten up at
a Brooks Brothers. Sad. Leave him alone. It’s sad. [ Light laughter ] Where am I?
Which camera am I going to? I do know — I know my cameras. [ Laughter ] Which camera do I go to?
I’m very familiar with cameras. I’ve been in front of cameras
for many years. That one there? Interesting —
No, over here? [ Laughter ] I knew you were there, hi. [ Laughter ] In other news, everyone is upset
because I keep calling the media the enemy of the people,
but it’s not personal. I’ve called all sorts of things
enemy of the people. For example, kale is an enemy of
the people. Also, books without pictures are
an enemy of the people. And, of course, people who post
about how they’re leaving Facebook with a long
Facebook post are an enemy of the people. No one cares, Mackenzie. [ Applause ] This is Trump News Network. We’ll be right back after
this commercial break. ♪♪

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