-Welcome to another special NFL post-game edition
of “The Tonight Show.” As always, thank you for having
us in your living room along with your one friend
who can’t take the hint hat it’s time
to leave after the game. [ Laughter ] “If you guys want to go to bed,
I can lock up.” [ Laughter ] Yeah, we’re coming you to
after tonight’s game between the
Packers and the Chiefs. Tonight was supposed to feature
two of the NFL’s best quarterbacks, Aaron Rodgers
and Patrick Mahomes. But Mahomes is still injured and a backup player
played in his place. -Oh.
-Yeah, for Chiefs fans, it’s basically like getting
tickets to “Hamilton” and then hearing, “Stepping in
for Lin-Manuel Miranda tonight will be Vanilla Ice.” [ Laughter and applause ] “Well, we already
got a sitter, right? Yeah, we got the sitter.
That’s good.” [ Laughter ] But tonight
was also a matchup between the new Packers
head coach Matt LaFleur and longtime
Chiefs coach Andy Reid. Can we see the two of them? Yeah. That’s basically how I
think I look in the morning versus how I actually look.
[ Laughter ] Oh, and I saw that
Rob Gronkowski said that he’d consider
coming out of retirement if the NFL lets players use CBD. -Ooh.
[ Audience “Oohs” ] -Then every current
NFL player was like, “Yes, and we would also like
to try CBD for the first time.” [ Laughter ] “We don’t know what that feels
like to try that.” [ Laughter ] But this is good.
Today, Saints quarterback Drew Brees was back on the field
after missing five games with a thumb injury. When asked how
it felt to be back out there, Brees was like, “Great!” [ Grunting ] Ohh, y-e-e-eah!” [ Laughter and applause ] -[ Laughing ] What? -“I feel awe-SOME!
Oh, yeah! Come on, now!
Yeah!” Well, football isn’t the only
thing going on right now. Last night,
President Trump tweeted, “Something very big
just happened.” [ Laughter ] Americans saw that
and were like, “You went five minutes
without tweeting?” But it turns out something
very big did just happen. -Last night, the United States brought the world’s number-one
terrorist leader to justice. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead. -Americans were shocked,
mostly that Trump was able to pronounce that name
on the first try. -Wow.
[ Laughter ] -“He did it!
Oh, God, he did it!” [ Laughter ] Trump was like, “That’s right.
We got Bag — Bag-daddy.” [ Laughter ] “Or as I call him,
B. Diddy.” [ Laughter ] Also, the White House sent out
a photo of the Situation Room during the mission.
Check this out. Yeah.
[ Laughter ] Can we see
what they were looking at? -Former White House
Press Secretary Sean Spicer! -Turn it off, turn it off,
turn it off, turn it off! [ Laughter ] -Oh! Spicer. -Of course, now ISIS
is looking for a new leader. At this point, the only jobs
tougher to fill right now are Trump’s chief of staff and
the head coach of the Jets. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -They were able to find
the leader of ISIS in a very remote area. He almost got away, but then
his phone started ringing from a Rudy Giuliani butt-dial. [ Laughter ] Did you hear about this? It came out that
Rudy Giuliani accidentally — Rudy Giuliani accidentally
butt-dialed an NBC reporter… [ Laughter ] …and was overheard
talking about Joe Biden. Yeah, a butt-dial.
It’s actually pretty impressive, because Rudy uses a flip phone.
-Really? [ Laughter ] Beep boop boop boop. Beep beep boop boop boop
beep beep beep. [ Imitates ringing ]
[ Laughter ] -“I need dirt on Joe Biden.” This is cool.
I saw that CNN made a guide to help people figure out
if their Halloween costume is appropriate or not. Here’s a tip. If you need to use the guide,
it’s not appropriate. Just trust your gut on that. Yeah, the guide ranges
from Princess all the way down
to Slutty O.J. Simpson. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Hey, check this out.
I read about a message in a bottle from New Jersey
that washed up in Newfoundland. -Oh.
-Yeah, it was the first time someone opened a message in a
bottle and all it said was, “What are you looking at?”
[ Laughter ] -Beep boop boop.
Beep beep. Beep beep boop boop boop. Beep.
[ Light laughter ] [ Imitates ringing ] -“Honey, I’m gonna be late.” [ Laughter ] -Sorry, I didn’t catch that.
-No, all right. [ Laughter ] -A Siri butt-dial?
-I don’t know what’s happening. [ Laughter ]