Trump Calls the Impeachment Inquiry a Witch Hunt Hoax

Trump Calls the Impeachment Inquiry a Witch Hunt Hoax

-Let’s get to the news. President Trump this morning attacked the impeachment
inquiry, tweeting, “This Impeachment nonsense is just a continuation
of the Witch Hunt Hoax.” Okay, this is beside the point, but “witch hunt” and “hoax”
mean the same thing. [ Laughter ]
Calling the impeachment a witch hunt hoax
is like calling you dumb Donald Trump. [ Laughter and applause ] You don’t
[ Cheering and applause ] need both. According to a new poll,
50% of Americans say they are ready to elect
an openly gay president, if for no other reason,
just to have a president whose suit fits. [ Laughter and applause ] What are ya doin’, man?
I mean, you look like a kid playin’
a grown-up in a school play. [ Laughter ] President Trump today tweeted
an edited image that depicts him presenting the dog
that participated in the raid
on the leader of ISIS with a medal, with the caption
“American hero!” Sure, you say that now,
but wait ’til you find out that dog is testifying
in the impeachment inquiry. [ Laughter and applause ]
Also, it’s a good thing they put “American hero!”
in there, [laughing]
otherwise, it just looks like Trump’s about to strangle a dog. [ Laughter, clapping ]
[as Trump] Game’s up, dog. [ Fresh laughter ] Follow– [laughing] Follow– [as Trump]
Just put some kibble down, then I’ll sneak up behind him. [ Laughter ] Following the news that
Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner hosted an anniversary party
at Camp David over the weekend, the White House issued
a statement stressing that the event was not paid for
with taxpayer money because the Trump family does! not! pay taxes! [ Laughter and applause ] Beginning next year — Beginning next year,
China will ban people from lying down in the subway,
while, in New York, if someone’s lying down
on the subway, they dead. [ Laughter ] Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
announced the launch of his new brand
of tequila today. Even crazier,
so did Dame Judi Dench! [ Laughter ] [ Fresh laughter ] A man in Nebraska recently
attempted to open a bank account with a fake
[laughing] $1 million bill. [ Laughter ]
Said the man, “Well, at least I got that Get out of Jail
Free card.” [ Laughter ]
And, finally, a woman in California
was rescued this week after she got lost
at a national park and used rocks
to spell out SOS. But only because she didn’t
have enough it rocks to write “Camping sucks.”
[ Laughter ]


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