Some Quarantined News – SOME MORE NEWS

Some Quarantined News – SOME MORE NEWS

(upbeat music) (whirring) – Hi everybody! Here’s some news. Here we are. Here’s some quarantined news. It’s a not a hoax, and we’re gonna get through this together. We just have to ride this
out inside for a while and avoid large crowds, which is why I’m doing this week’s episode and a lot of future episodes without my usual studio audience, who quite frankly, never seen to love the show to begin with, but if we stick to this, then hopefully this coronavirus doesn’t become a big, stupid problem. Do we have a clip of people
riding this out inside so it doesn’t become
a big, stupid problem? – [Newscaster] And one of the questions that we were asked here
earlier was whether or not the beaches were gonna be
impacted by what’s going on here with coronavirus in the state of Florida. By the looks of it, this looks to be a pretty busy day – [Woman] Yes. – [Newscaster] here at the beaches. – Hmm yeah, okay, cool. You enjoy that spring break. So we’re gonna be dealing
with this for a while. And like, the economy is crashing, and a lot of people are losing work and can’t afford healthcare and, this is so different without the audience just staring at me disapprovingly. (bell dinging) Hold on, Twitter. ”Eat (beep), Tom Hanks. “If you think that I won’t
brave this hell scape, “slum city and come to your douche chateau “and dislodge your perfect teeth, “you clearly don’t know me,
you loathsome, dirt-bag!” (whirring sound)
(Cody sighing) – Speaking of Tom Hanks,
we have some good news! You know all those rich celebrities that are always interacting
with directly with and touching the population all the time? Well they are all getting
tested for coronavirus, despite whether they’re
feeling symptoms or not, because of money. Money letting people take
private coronavirus’ tests. Money that we should
maybe not have anymore because it’s fake, money is fake! Anyway, good for those celebrities. Do we have a clip? ♪ Imagine there’s no heaven ♪ ♪ It’s easy if you try ♪ ♪ No hell below us ♪ (disgruntled sound)
– Those pretentious chords! Anywho, so if you’re stuck inside and don’t have a job anymore, and your family members are
really vulnerable to the virus, and you’re losing your mind, just remember that Ron
Burgundy told you to, “Imagine that there isn’t
religion, and you’ll be fine.” So thanks guys for telling
the poors to imagine life without the thing that’s
comforting to people during hard times, or if you’re really on edge, all the latest cinema movies are coming out early, like “Trolls World Tour” and “Rise of Sky walker.” The good, it’s good. Look, I promise I’ll find a
way to liven the mood here, but it’s, it’s kind of a time to be angry. It’s okay to be angry, sometimes. We have an entire puppet
devoted to that idea. Had, we had a puppet. He was pretty old, living on the streets, and no one helped him for some reason. So you know, not a great
(beep) situation to be in when there’s a stay-at-home
pandemic, or ever! And even after that, they
still probably won’t close the Sesame Street because of
whatever nightmare version of spring break that Muppets have. Speaking of dead children’s entertainers, Jesus, this just keeps getting darker. Remember what Mr. Rogers
used to say about looking for the helpers when you get scared? Well, we should absolutely do that, but also, I don’t know maybe also, look for the (beep) bags who pissed all over our
sorrowed faces during this time of need. In a brand new and
totally rad segment called looking for the (beep).
(upbeat music) I know guys, if your consuming
entertainment right now, it’s most likely to relax
and not to get more angry and I get it. I get it. And it’s far more constructive
to focus on the people who are going above and beyond to help in this time of crisis, otherwise known as every
medical professional, grocery store clerks, anyone
who has to keep going out and working every day this is happening. Absolutely phenomenal! I hope that everyone
working in those fields, from the surgeons, to the custodial staff, are staying safe right now. You are objectively heroes. And we should be using
this crisis to recognize and celebrate them. And also to come together in general. Call our friends and family. Find common ground. Help our neighbors. But also, quietly write down a list of the people in corporations who didn’t do that, and then seriously hold those
entities accountable for it, so that future folk will never make the mistake of (beep) crossing us. Do you hear that bores?! Huh?! Heh! I know you’re listening! I know, you’re listening! Heh! (making disgruntled noise) So despite what happens in the future, one business you should
never ever go to is GameStop. And not just because their
trading system is gross, and that they’ve been bad to
their employees forever, no. It turns out that they have
braved the coronavirus threat in order to force their
employees to continue working. Even in places where
businesses have been shut down and despite failing to
provide any additional cleaning supplies, when one employee asked, “What would happen if a store
got infected with the virus?” They were told that they
would simply clean the space and the replace the staff
with healthy people. Presumably inspired by
tower defense games, where you burn through disposable pawns. And if the cops come to
shut the stores down, the employees, who by the way are making minimum wage, which is also currently too low, have been instructed
to resist their orders. So, yeah, we’ll probably
see some kind of apology by the time this video
comes out, but uh, you know, too late bruh. Oh, there it is. They’re closing the stores! Too (beep) late. You’re already not so
great image has slipped off in this time of need. Like if Jason Voorhees’ mask fell off, to reveal that he is
Rand Paul the whole time. Oh, that reminds me of another person we should be talking about. Rand Paul, who when
congress was trying to pass their coronavirus stimulus package, decided to hold up the entire process by introducing an amendment that would block people
without social security numbers from getting some of the aide, or as he put it, – My amendment says that if
you want to apply for money from the government through
the child tax credit program, this is money that the
government gives to people, that you have to be a legitimate person. You have to have a social security number. – Wow Rand, you’re quite
the (beep) damn racist drag. I hope he gets– Awe, geez I was gonna say I hope he gets voted out of office, but that is… also fitting. Wow. He probably touched Mitch
McConnell and a bunch of other politicians, what a…shame. But don’t worry Rand, your
dad thinks it’s a hoax, so you’ll be totally fine. Anyway, we were talking about racism. Did you forget about racism? Because it didn’t forget about you! Our president is doing his
part, actually crossing out the word corona and replacing it with Chinese in his speeches. Implying that internally
they call it the coronavirus, but they’re pushing Chinese
because of their bizarre culture where racist dog (beep). And of course people, specifically the official
White house twitter account, are arguing that it totally can’t be racist, because we had other names like, Spanish Flu and West Nile Virus, that were named after other things. And number one, arguing something isn’t racist, because we did it in the past, is like, not a good argument. And two, Spanish Flu didn’t
actually come from Spain, so maybe google that before you tweet. And the three, that sweet number three, is that we had already started
calling it coronavirus. That’s the name we gave it. And they’re trying to rebrand the name, to be racist. Like, you know how
conservatives get so mad about changing pronouns
and using more PC language, and they swear it’s not
because they’re prejudice, because why we gotta always
change words and junk? Well, it’s interesting
that those same people are more than happy to
change the name of the virus despite all of us already
calling it one thing, in order to make it more racist. That apparently is worth the effort. – Entire World economy
is now stopped dead, like completely stop dead. All because China would not shut down, the practice of people eating freaking bats at the local markets. This has been a problem for decades, okay, this is nothing new. – Huh, yeah that’s true! Racism is nothing new Ben. Oh and hi Ben, did you
like when all the famous liberal elite sang Imagine? Because I, didn’t either. So maybe we can hangout
when this is all over. Just you and me, against
the world, brothers forever. You can come share my toilet drain Ben. Hey Ben, did you hear about
all the new hate crimes against the Asian community
because of this, Ben? Friend Ben, you hear? You wanna let you buddy Andy know in on all those hate crimes? You know how he hates those, and always tweets them out and weird those tweets
are always about alleged Antifa members or liberal
leaning people doing the crimes. Anyway, surely this
story about a woman being punched in New York, because she was Asian will make your long Twitter list
blasting out stories of people being attacked, oh nope ah! It’s just you tweeting
about LGBTQ bars being bad, and defending racism, and all that other stuff you do when you’re a hack who only
cares about crimes that fit your specific lie. God, why am I talking
about these sad grifters? Is it like for a taste of normalcy? To feel alive again? To brush elbow with the godly smite that I so desperately need in this bore dominated world of disease. Did you know, that germs
can travel from your feet, all the way up your body and into your mouth while you sleep? They’re little creatures
like everything else. They can think and love and destroy, and that’s why we burn the shoes. We burn the legs. Ah, golly, there I go
putting out misinformation about the virus. Now here’s a totally
unrelated series of videos nine days apart that are super unrelated to what I just said, weird they were gonna play it randomly. – With this scaring the
living hell out of people, and I see it again as like, oh let’s bludgeon Trump with this new hoax. – [Reporter] Yeah I think that– – Kinda laugh at it, but nothing to laugh at here. By the way this program is always taking the coronavirus seriously, and we’ve never called the virus a hoax. – Ugh yeah. (beep) me up, Fox News. Weird how you’re still
allowed to be a news station considering you regularly
put out misinformation about serious issues, deny that you did that and then do it again
having learned nothing. Weird how conservatives are
always wrong about things and have to pivot around that fact blaming others without
any self-reflection. Newt, who when a reporter asked, why conservatives were so skeptical of the virus news, put exactly zero effort towards self-awareness and
blamed the Liberal media as opposed to their
general denial of science or history of being wrong all the time. Like, weird how there’s
an entire political party that is constantly on the
wrong side of history, about workers rights and human rights, and yet we still listen to
them and their news shows. I don’t know it’s just strange. Strange, that when the
country hit a crisis, those same people
immediately adopted ideas, they were calling
socialist a month earlier because they knew it would actually help. So strange. Gosh, who else sucks? Oh yeah, McDonald’s tried to fight the part in the coronavirus bill where companies had to give
paid sick leave to employees. Their argument being, that it would hurt their franchises who I guess would be
made to absorb the cost and not like, the larger corporation, despite it not needing to be like that. Although, according to one manager, that isn’t even a little true. – Last week I was under the weather. I was sick to the point where I had to leave the grill, to go to the rest room, and I wound up vomiting. I coulda been sent home
with paid sick leave, and not have to worry
about coming to work sick because I don’t have to worry about how my bills are gonna get covered for the days that I missed. – Hello McFamily– – Last week McDonald’s did
roll out coronavirus plan stating that anybody that’s
quarantined will be paid, – Protecting the wellbeing of our people and our customers is
our number one priority. – But you guys don’t be fooled, that’s only for corporate owned McDonald’s but 95% of McDonald’s are franchise stores including my store. So that does not benefit us whatsoever. – Ugh! Okay so not actually concerned about the franchises after all. Got it! But also, that new
family’s first coronavirus emergency response act only
gives sick leave to people who work for companies with
less than 500 employees which puts most American employees, specifically 7.4 million of them in the old uncovered zone. The assumption being that
those larger companies would handle their own
employees, you know, like what McDonald’s isn’t doing. So shacks! Maybe don’t go to McDonald’s anymore, but I guess go work at Amazon in stead. You know that place
that’s so regularly great to their employees. Go hack boxes you poor (beep). I’m sure you won’t be massively laid off when this is over, don’t worry all the rich
CEOs are here to help. Musko is gonna make those ventilators, you know only if there’s a shortage also known as right now, all the time! Also maybe don’t wait
until there’s a shortage of something life saving before you make the thing that’s needed, when there’s a shortage. But he’s totally making them now because his cars have HVAC systems, so he’s an expert, even though those are
fundamentally different from the ventilators we’re
actually talking about. I wonder who he’s gonna
call a pedophile this time. Anyway, I am sure he’ll ship
off some masks and stuff, so thank you Elon. Any comment? (audience cheering) Look, it’s neat that
some of these rich people are at least wanting to help. But most of this stuff
is going to be as flaccid and off the mark as a bunch
of celebrities singing, ”Imagine.” These people don’t have our backs and the government shouldn’t rely on them to do the right thing. We didn’t elect people
to politely ask Amazon to give out sick pay, but rather make laws that ensure we don’t have to ask. Just do the things. The things that will help and stop assuming the (beep) CEOs will bail their workers
out, because they won’t. The compassion of this giant
companies is solely dictated by the amount of shame
and good PR they get, nothing else! But of course all that, just an appetizer, just a taste of the delicious
rat (beep) sandwich. I’m loving it. That is chairman of the Senate Intelligence
Committee, Richard Burr. Back in the days when Trump and Fox News were calling the virus a hoax before having to pretend
like they didn’t do that. Burr was getting regular
updates on the COVID’s spread. And during that same time where everyone was
telling us not to worry, secretly warned his
wealthiest constituents that things were actually
going to get pretty bad, saying at a secret recording,
now not so secret quote, ”it is much more aggressive
in its transmission than anything that we have
seen in recent history,” because you know, rich folk gotta stick together, class solidarity! He then quietly sold off
$1.7 million in stock because he knew the market would collapse, because he’s evil and should go to jail and even Bucker corona man agrees with me. – Maybe there’s an honest
explanation for what he did. If there is, he should share it with
the rest of us immediately. Otherwise, he must resign from the Senate and face prosecution for insider trading. – Even Buckerms, the guy who still calls
it Chinese coronavirus on the channel where they call
the dangerous virus a hoax and maybe shouldn’t be
a news channel anymore. But don’t worry, Cody, there was actually a
whole handful of lawmakers who quietly did this
right before the pandemic. Because again, rich folk. This guy, senator Jim Inhofe claims that selling his $180,000 worth of stocks was just a coincidence. Also a coincidence he voted against the corona virus response bill aimed at helping Americans also known as a people. Presumably while saying, ”hey, why can’t they just sell
their stocks like us normal ”people do.” So in short, get your pens out and go ahead and write down
the names Richard Burr, Jim Inhofe, Kelly Loeffler
and Dianne Feinstein. Put that list in your
pocket or maybe your wallet, maybe frame it if you, you know have the time and perhaps ask your representatives when those people will go to prison and ask them all the
time, again and again. I’m just so mad like, like, have you even noticed that the official website for the film K-PAX is still running? I sure did. But did you? Did any of you? You can download screen savers and read facts about the movie. And for some reason, every
time you click anything it like, plays a random
snippet of dialogue from K-PAX, the movie you all remember. (fast forwarded conversations from K-PAX) (fast forward conversations from K-PAX) – Why was I talking about this? Why was I talking about K-PAX? Does anyone remember? Was there like a tangent
about sex offenders? I need nourishment, to think. So good, that’s better. That’s so much better. My Lord, we haven’t even
talked about the lack of tests and how we don’t know who
exactly has the virus. We haven’t talked about the fact that the company making
ventilator parts are allegedly threatening to sue medical volunteers for 3D printing their product so that they can stop people from dying. Of course they are denying this now, though, to be fair and– K-PAX, okay, who is still paying
to keep that website up? What vast underbelly have I unearthed? What time is it? It’s six in the morning! Is time a lie? Should we abolish time along with money? Evangeline Lilly is bringing
her kids to gymnastics camp because she apparently
doesn’t like old people. Everything is doing great. Aren’t you all happy we tied
our healthcare to our jobs? What a good system! And gee, I wonder if there’s
like anyone we could elect that might change that because he’s been pointing
it out for decades. Hey, did you know that one
of the insurance companies making money off of testing centers was founded by Jared Kushner’s brother? Theta! You know, that–
(sighs) You know, why does it feel like there is no news and also all the news at once. There was a thing where Trump tried to woo a German company into
giving the US exclusive rights to a potential vaccine. That happened what Like a year ago, did the (stammers) election happen? I don’t know. Now the ambassador to Germany
is saying that isn’t true. But also the EU sure did
also go after this company and like there’s just so much
information flying around like a food fight of hard turds. It’s difficult to get
a handle on anything, which is why if you keep digging, the K-PAX website leads to
Jeff Bridges personal website that he’s had up for like a decade, and there’s a guestbook on there that anyone can post in, that goes back to like 2004 and it’s filled with a
combination of like Star man fans and complete weirdos and like, like, why not spend all your
time going through those posts? You know, here’s a post that simply says, Jeff, you are a dildo. Now, that’s fun, right? What else? Oh, here’s one about the
diversity of God’s creation. That is, it’s just about
how we shouldn’t mix races. In the Jeff Bridges message board that we linked to from the K-PAX website. Here’s another 1000 word post about full blown on Nazi stuff. Because on the internet there are Nazis and not on the internet everywhere. Nazis on the Jeff Bridges message board, can’t get away, from all the Nazis. The Nazis don’t abide. (upbeat music) – So yeah that’s a, that’s how the quarantine has been going for me it’s been a, little more rough. Primary seems bleak. Everyone’s voting for the
guy’s gone eerily silent except to use the moment to blast Trump while his opponent no one is voting for is raising money for relief. And meanwhile Trump is getting behind all kinds of measures that
voters will likely praise. He’s suspending evictions and talking about what is essential,
universal basic income. And they have this whole relief package offering paid sick leave
and free health care and unemployment benefits. And while they aren’t good enough, most people won’t notice. So like, you can’t help but to laugh and cry at the same time watching the GOP seemingly adapt all the
stuff Bernie Sanders has been talking about his whole life for this one pandemic emergency. And how by doing that they might actually get Trump reelected. And that’s depressing. But maybe also, to think of it in a good way. This brief moment in which
America dabbles with socialism and suspend standardized testing and the homeless are just
moving into empty houses, because why the (beep) not? In this window of time where ICE is saying that until this is over,
they’re only gonna do ”crucial arrests,” and we have to wonder what the hell they were doing before
only doing crucial arrests. When we’re realizing how
crucial minimum wage workers and doctors and scientists are and when airlines are like, actually, you can bring
more liquid on the plane. It’s not a big deal. And jails are like, well, actually, we can just let
nonviolent offenders out. That’s just a thing we can always do. In this terrible pandemic
made worse by racism and an administration that
was horribly unprepared. Maybe the good that will come is that average Americans will realize that all these rules put in place and designed to keep the
disenfranchised down. They were all completely
arbitrary to begin with. And the only reason the powerful weren’t allowing us access
to universal basic income or free health care or any of these things progressives talked about. It wasn’t because it was
logistically impossible, but rather just something
they didn’t want to do. And now that the cat is out of the bag, maybe it won’t matter who
wins the next election. Maybe historians will
see this as the catalyst to a growing political
change in the country. And I don’t know, Trump is pretty dumb. So um, maybe when the virus is gone, we can all just pretend
like we all still have it. And he’ll keep giving
us these things like, like we get, we get all the
doctors and (beep) on it, give them all Nintendo
switches in exchange for notes saying we’re all sick. We all get doctor’s notes, show
them to Trump, I don’t know. It’s not a perfect plan. But that’s hope, I guess. Again, it’s it’s pretty bad out there, and you should be angry. And we should remember who
screwed us over during this but also the people who
went above and beyond. Not to mention that over in China, they are actually seeing
an end to the virus and it’s something to hold on to. I mean, keep in mind that
this can take a while and the virus will likely
come and go in waves and we have to accept that
normality will not come quick or at all in a lot of ways. China’s doing better now, Italy still isn’t doing great and that balance will
probably keep shifting possibly to America, if we
don’t take this seriously. We just have to stay indoors. Wash your hands, keep a safe distance, keep calm, be compassionate,
still connect with people, let the birds and (beep)
have the cities for a while. At least pollution is down, right? And in Italy, they’re even
seeing the wildlife return. Do we have a clip of that? Some kind of cute goose
or shy baby fox to end on? Let’s do that. Let’s push all the badness aside. Shove it right down the poop drain with the rest of your bad thoughts and your contaminated
car keys and your food and just enjoy the innocence of nature. Forget the bad. We’re gonna be okay! (speaking in foreign language)
(chiming tune) – Oh, sorry, I dropped my
food so I missed the clip. I’m sure it was really cute and not something that would snap my already thin tethered to reality. Do we want to do a run again? Or? I am actually alone here. Okay, anyway, have a good spring break. (upbeat music) Hey everybody, thank you for watching. Things are different now. And this is how we’re
gonna be doing things for a while but we’re not going anywhere. We’re here for you. And this is temporary just like
the situation we’re all in. So I guess like and subscribe or whatever but we love you very much. – [Woman] Wait give them more news. – You want me to mention
the podcast, don’t you?


100 thoughts on “Some Quarantined News – SOME MORE NEWS”

  • ThePastryNinja says:

    …the social security number thing seems pretty reasonable as a protection against people trying to cheat the system by pretending to be multiple persons or the like. Not sure why it would be racist, unless you think only Hispanic people ever immigrate illegally. (Hint: they don't.)

  • Brilliant! The country club class needs to give back to save lives after decades of sucking our blood and destroying our freedom in the name of freedom.

  • Boy am I glad I don't live in America. Greetings from Germany! We're offering our hospital capacity to Italy now.

  • *Cody eats piece of toilet paper
    “Triple ply has the best flavor and quilted really does have the best mouth feel”

    Best line of this episode!

  • Dr. Larry Mitchell says:

    Eventually, you youngin's will figger it out, it's not that old people are angry, it's that ONLY old people are angry.
    It's the pink unicorn balloon sweet sixteen birthday "like, oh my god, Debbie!" crowd that was fobbed off with bullshit to mollify them.
    No one who was born after Taxi Driver was released knows how to get properly angry anymore.
    I'm truly frightened at the softness of the people who won't be ready for this.

  • Your YouTube audience loves you!! and we're here voluntarily, you didn't even have to pay us (like certain presidents need to, to get crowds for his "rallies").

  • btw, Cody, in my opinion, UBI is something that would need to be approached in a better system than we have now, because rent will just go up even further if everyone just started getting free money, so we need to try to set up some sort of like Mutualist society where it's illegal to charge rent and interest rates, or, at the very least, to make rent and interest rates as non-profit as possible

  • Nunuvell Mephais says:

    Oh yes, please defend religion- which is doing fuck all to combat the virus and thus giving people FALSE hope.

  • If religion is comforting to you…..I have a bridge to sell you…real cheap on prime real estate tolls on both sides $$$Earn big bucks everyday with automated tolls no employees to pay just collect that cash$$$

  • Jesus, Cody – really? McDonald's is a franchise company. It's how they work. If you're a small business owner who wants to have a restaurant, you can go to them and buy a franchise, which is basically a sort of restaurant starter kit that comes with brand recognition. That's how a whole lot of companies with these ubiquitous stores work. There are certain things that McDonald's can do in that model and certain things that it can't, and one of the things that it can't do is dictate certain employment policies. It can revoke your franchise for doing something illegal, but that's not happening in this case, so what would you like them to do? Ask nicely? And the best part of this is that small franchises (single stores) almost always have fewer than 500 employees, so, you know – covered by that bill you were complaining about. And on top of all that, you want people to stop going to McDonald's because they didn't do a thing they couldn't do? When most of them are what people would understand as small to (at best) mid-sized businesses? That's not a good luck buddy.

    It's also downright goddamn disingenuous for you to jump merrily from percentages to quantities just whenever it suits you. 7 million workers is 7 million workers too many, but it's also approximately 1/28th of the total workforce. If that's all that a law is failing to cover, that's actually pretty impressive as far as broad federal policy goes.

    Something else – if you're going to rep Sanders, you need to stop reflecting the absolute worst thing about him. You can't elect people to just "do the thing." There's a network of laws in the way. You're not going to get what you want in the next four years, and acting like you can is……uh….wait…..what's the…..oh yeah, lying! That's lying. Stop doing that. For that matter, stop doing Sanders. This shit is done. You lost. You have my condolences. Let's move on now and not risk making things that much worse. You didn't understand that you're not just the minority of Americans, but the minority of your own party, and unless and until the United States adopts some kind of parliamentary system (so, basically never), you don't get to have everything you want. Take the correct message from this and MOVE ON.

  • Everything's Tarable says:

    I'm making me a list of people to stay on my Shit List when this is all and done, and I recite them every day like Ayra Stark. Don't get mad, make a list and and focus that anger into something

  • With the stubble and slackened tie, Cody has always given off a sort of new-anchor-reporting-the-end-of-the-world vibe. This version of the set feels like a very natural progression.

  • Andrew Byron Loveshire says:

    There is a White Dog standing behind Cody's right elbow right? I'm not imagining things… a Covid Surrender Pup maybe?

  • Ironically, the global "Spanish Flu" of 1918-19 started in the United States of America during WW1, that is established historic medical fact. It was first identified in military personnel in Kansas in April 1918, then introduced to Europe by way of infected US soldiers sent to fight in WW1. Because both USA and European nations involved in WW1 practiced wartime media censorship, neither doctors nor the public were aware of the developing pandemic. Only in Spain, which was a neutral country, there was no censorship, so its press was allowed to report on the growing numbers of new influenza victims, especially after the Spanish King himself fell ill with it. That's why it became the "Spanish Flu", because people mistakenly assumed it had originated in Spain or only existed in Spain!

  • Stay strong Cody! You have inspired me with your crass but very insightful humor for a couple years now, and I truly appreciate it. Take care of yourself and we’ll get through this together!

  • Dear Cody – I love your work, but your Mic is clipping out a bit too much here. I'd recommend dropping your mic to 75% of whatever it's pickup sensitivity is now, and compensate with some compressor gain make-up. Other than that, keep being awesome. Love from Australia.

  • SARS-CoV-2, the "Coronavirus", is indeed a zoonosis, a case of an disease-causing microorganism making the jump from its animal host to humans. But it didn't come from bats, who started that nonsense? According to geneticists, it most likely originated in African pangolins. All four remaining species of pangolin are on the list of heavily endangered species because they are targeted by the illegal global trafficking in endangered wild animals because the ultra-rich in China and other places want to eat "exotic meats". There is a whole black market for meat from endangered species such as i.e. tigers, which are also being used in "Chinese Traditional Medicine" in Asia. Which as a biologist drives me quite angry, to say the least, with the added "bonus" that whenever scientists and nature conservationists bring up how species like rhinos, tigers, seahorses, pangolins and others are rapidly dying out from poaching and illegal pet trade, to have their bones, scales, meat and other body parts sold as ingredients in pseudo-scientific "traditional medicine" or to have their rhino horn used for handles of ceremonial daggers of Yemeniti men, we are being scolded as being "racially/culturally insensitive to these ancient traditions" of bullshit, some of which are ironically brand-new bullshit sold as "ancient".

    Chinese people did not have access to pangolins until China became part of the global markets. Any breeding and protection programs for pangolins, a key species in their habitat, are doomed to fail, once rich peoplke are willing to offer any price to get their hands on one.

  • 15:35 Oh hey, a picture of Jeff Bezos where for once he doesn't look like an weird android, and instead looks like Lex Luthor. Hmmm.

  • December Redinger says:

    I don't know who these dumb kids are, my spring break has been spent on lockdown. I don't even get to host fun house parties like I planned on.
    This blows, but I hope that everyone is safe.

    It feels weird that this is going to be for … like the whole year. It's been two weeks and I'm ALREADY going insane.

  • Fabian Corcair says:

    Actually, church gathering are being canceled for the coronavirus, this makes sense considering how churches help spread the babonic plague

  • Dunes Fireborn says:

    This was rough to watch. Hiding out in self isolation under pretty constant distraction, aware the I'll be in more debt after this, but having surpassed financial stress because MONEY ISN'T REAL, I've managed to block out all the horror that is our national government. I need this video to remind me of the shit show, but I didn't want to be reminded of the shit show.
    Love you Cody.

  • shortforsophie says:

    6:59 So… in order to receive aid, one needs needs to be a legitimate person with a social security number?

    2a : being exactly as intended or presented : neither spurious nor false
    also : being an actual example of something specified
    b : genuinely good, impressive, or capable of success

    So… is no one else gonna mention that, according to the US government, human beings without a social security number are not actual examples of PEOPLE???

    Hell of a wording choice, Mr. Paul…

    But I’m sure it’s fine, because who needs linguistic precision when formulating such whimsical and arbitrary things as a stimulus legislative package? Fuckiiiiinn… go team.

  • Cody, you uhhh… You called a hard turd something you'd throw in a food fight. What do you consider food to be?

  • I would love to think that Rand Paul got COVID-19 from an "illegitimate" person since they have limited access to healthcare. Poetic justice and irony do go hand-in-hand.

  • Guitar Heretic/*x says:

    Finally someone who is also pissed off at the state of the country. Virus just gives you time to ponder, there's a heaping pile of other shit to be mad. Republicans are disgusting corporate whores. I some people say it's as bad on the Democrat side. I have far less problem with lying to get people health care or any other entitlement than the scumbags who's only job is to give corporations anything they want. They're hurting the people they work for. Not lead, they are employees of the people. Corporations are not people. I would like to see them all charged with treason and shot.

  • Galactic Warlock says:

    It's fun watching all the night show host turn into Cody. More fun is that Cody has gone even further into a spiraling depression. Thank you Cody.

  • VIRUS GOOD NEWS: ( for the rational humans. really )
    Emperor trump, as everyone who has the intelligence of a normal person knows, is a pathological
    liar, is mentally ill, and only hires political hacks, incompetent fools, and "yes men." This
    has led to a dismantling of the Pandemic response department in the 2018, and then ignoring ALL THE WARNINGS OF IMPENDING PANDEMIC FOR 2 MONTHS, as he was only worried about himself……. and his fortunes.
    Now, ironically, those who suffer the most will be his supporters and those who voted for
    him: the poor, the ignorant, and the stupid MAGA fools who live in the RED states. Red states
    have the worst health care facilities in the civilized world……….the U.S. has the worst
    health care in the developed world,,,, by FAR, and the worst areas, by far, are all the RED
    trump voters may get removed from the voter roles by COVID-19. Voter suppression by
    COVID-19. Ironic. There ARE CONSEQUENCES for your folly. trump may have killed you.

  • Can I just say, as an Amazon warehouse worket, what a delight it was to find out this virus can survive as an infectious timebomb on cardboard for around a day and on plastic for around three days? Oh man, when you consider that my facility uses thirty-foot-tall racking to stow unvetted and unvettable returns from just anyone and one good sneeze or cough from on high could cover thousands of things, it sure doesn't feel like an existential hellscape at all.

  • Things are tough all over but every time I see something news related from America I am reminded of the Black Eyed Peas, which time after time made the WORST MUSIC EVER MADE. You thought their last single was impossible to trump in that regard, but yet they did it. Again and again. The magnificent motherfuckers.

  • On the subject of McDonald's franchises being forced to absorb the cost, while it sucks it is the case and a franchisee often owns no more than 10 locations if not a single one, generating a relatively low income of maybe $2k a week in overhead. In Hamilton, Ontario, a franchise-owned McDonald's had to shut down and even made it on CBC news after a worker claimed to have coronavirus. That worker was later found out to have just been trying to use it as an excuse to skip work when they were not sick, and they were arrested for the damages caused to the business.

  • Feinstein's trades were reviewed by NYT and deemed to be not suspicious. Dianne Feinstein only made ~$100k-250k in trades over this period, out of a BLIND TRUST, meaning somebody else performed the trades for her without her knowledge to modify her retirement portfolio. In the end, these trades were completely unrelated to the coronavirus and Dianne Feinstein actually LOST money from them, having sold stocks that she'd overpaid for and which then went up in value.

  • Matthew Hallett says:

    Ben is right to complain about China. We all should, even if it where just about the treatment of animals. It has nothing to do with racism. New corona viruses form in Chinese Wet Markets, where they stack Pangolins and Bats and other mammals on top of each other, raining excrement all over each other, creating a breading ground found no where else in the world. And yes, China was suppose to band those after SARS.

  • Yes fox news is garbage, but don't tell your audiance that corporate neo-liberal media is in any way decent. As Chompsky said the US has one corporate political party with two wings…including media.

  • Nice mic you got there. Costly. Same for the camera. Gotta be pretty rich to have a high quality camera and condenser microphone and multi-channel mixer. Kinda like the people you hated on this whole video.

    You're ranting about Tom Hanks for ten minutes, but you put Gal Gadot's image up for 3 seconds, then never mention her name. Weird. Almost as if you chose to attack a man who was sick with the disease as a stand in for the actually loathsome woman behind the Imagine project. One of these two chose to be a cunt, the other went into quarantine like you should when you're infected. And you chose to mockingly threaten the guy that went into quarantine. What the actual fuck?

    You're a caricature. You've decided the outrage is worth more than anything else. If you weren't, you'd have spent an entire video tearing apart the actual rich fuckers who thought they were above us and better than us. Not Tom fucking Hanks. What a shit bird.

  • Graham Florida says:

    Yay for authoritarian right wing politicians with no real solid policy ideology coopting leftist ideals in order to maintain the appearance of benevolence, reinforce faith from their supporters while including all of the nationalist and xenophobic propaganda that garnered support in the first place, just in time to outflank a centrist in time of crisis while the rest of the party gives them more authority than their position is typically awarded out of fear of being ousted by the supporters. Where have we seen this before?

  • I know dude, I get it… but. I used to watch you all the time. Even though I'm agreeing 100% with everything you are saying, the tone of your scolding makes me wonder what the point of all this is. It's like the guy on the street yelling at anyone walking past. It makes everyone kind of just, you know, walk a little faster.

  • Using religion to feel better in bad times is like using alcohol to feel better during bad times. Yeah you’ll feel better but you’re actually postponing making anything better.

  • It's ok to shame China over a virus that might kill millions.
    They hid it from the world.
    They ignored previous warnings and outbreaks.
    They have hoarded all the medical supplies.
    Call it China virus, the shame is the least they owe the world!

  • Sophie Broders says:

    As a Type One Diabetic in Newfoundland, Canada, I'm horrified.

    First of all, watching how the US is handling insulin distribution… I can't even begin. You may have already covered that and I missed it. if not, please, please, please cover it. My apologies if I've missed it.

    Second of all, my province went from 0 cases to over 100 in weeks. We are isolated on a somewhat small island and we've been known to be "back in time" in terms of technology, economy and.. well… ignorance. The ignorance is what spread this shit. Someone went into a walmart to tell their boss they had coronavirus so they'd have to stay home…. and now it's spead even more. People are insane.

    Thank you for covering this with the relevant info, the madness, and the desperation that was needed.

  • god i love this show. The honest exhausted persona. The real sincere facts that aren't sugar coated for comedy, but served right up hot and raw for information.
    just ..#codyshody5eva

  • Fuck "GAME STOCK"!
    Fuck Rand Paul. I hope he re-thinks his ignorant Libertarian views on society.
    Fuck Ben Shapiro and his squealy voice.
    Fuck Andy Ngo. He eats bats!
    Fuck Sean Hannity!
    Fuck Newt! Fuck Fox!
    Fuck McDonalds 'food'!
    Fuck Jeff Bezos!
    Fuck Rich Burr and his rich friends!
    Fuck Jim Inhofe and his hypocricy!
    Fuck Matt Geatz!
    Fuck Zuckerberg!
    Fuck Jared Kushner and his family!
    Fuck Trump and his greedy family!
    Fuck 'white power'!
    Fuck Stupid Joe Biden!
    Fuck ICE & "Crucial Arrests'.. wtf?
    Fuck the Airline Industry!
    Fuck the Cruise Ship aindustry!
    Fuck the 'Prison Industry!
    100,000 Americans will die.
    Good luck! Stay Safe!

  • ?MrSoTiredOfTheNewYoutubes? says:

    Cody, it wasn't cause they didn't want to do it, and it certainly wasn't arbitrarily. They made it on purpose to keep us down and made us accept those unfair laws, meant to keep us at the bottom, by lying to us.

    This is the slave driver mentality, thinking that we would stop working if it didn't meant a death penalty.

  • So McDonald's use Franchise laws to b counted as small businesses. Each Franchise is sometimes considered independent in terms of number of employees, so you only have as many employees as the specific franchisee employs. So they might be and to take advantage of that sick leave law.
    That is not to say I like the state of affairs. I think the franchise model exists just to exploit weird loopholes in employment law, and is probably bad overall. Especially because it skews the economic numbers. Whenever you see reports about small businesses, very few take care to separate out franchises from actual small businesses.

  • Pretty shocked you believe what the CCP is saying about China getting “better.” Disappointed in your lack of research on that one Cody

  • DingoAteMyBaby says:

    Idea: “some good news with Katy Stoll (Katy’s shady)” where Katy does the stuff that makes life a little bit hopeful like when Rep. Katie Porter destroyed the cdc director

  • Andre Somerville says:

    silver lining to the coronavirus
    all the talk show hosts like Seth Meyer and John Oliver are forced to act like real youtubers filming at home alone with web cams

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