Social media, narcissism and developing a way to stop emotional flashbacks (London 2015)

Social media, narcissism and developing a way to stop emotional flashbacks (London 2015)

(whooshing) (clanking) – Narcissism has always
been around, of course, but it is being
deliberately fostered in us. We are encouraged– All personality disorders are growing. This is a crazy world. It’s a crazy-making world. Our consciousness is
deliberately being pulled apart every day. Stick on the TV. You can’t even watch the news without propaganda slipping in
within the first 15 seconds, I guarantee you, every time. Try it. I will give you a
chocolate bar if I’m wrong. Stick on the news. You will hear a lie within
the first 15 seconds, something that you know is not true within the first 15 seconds, or a spin, or a desire to control the narrative in the way that is typical
of emotional abuse. It’s gaslighting. So nobody knows which way is up now. Nobody knows which way is down. We’ve lost our moral compass. We’ve lost our direction. That’s depressing. Let’s move on. (laughing) So the people-pleaser syndrome
is, to take us away from That cool air is lovely. is to take us away from
the notion of codependence. People-pleaser syndrome
is a 15-trait syndrome that if we go through one at a time, we can fix codependence. It’s something that is kind of in you. It was in your childhood, and
you can’t do anything about. So we have people-pleaser syndrome, and that’s what we’re gonna fix. The next session, within one hour we’re gonna overcome emotional flashbacks and C-PTSD, boom. It actually is it’s not as hard as it’s made out to be. I’ve spoken to a lot of
therapists and coaches about this, and they’re saying, well, the complex PTSD is very,
very difficult to deal with because it’s Ah, I can’t walk in front of that. because it impacts the person’s
ability to make decisions and to look after themselves, and direct their lives forward, but there are tricks and things you can do that make that easier again. Some of you are going to say,
when we do the exercise later, that if you give yourself a directive that helps you in your life, you get a negative
emotional flashback to that. That’s an overactive inner critic. We’ll deal with that. We’ll deal with it all. Okay, so the first thing we’re gonna
look at is how you learn. The way I’m gonna be teaching
you today is non-linear. It’s organic. You’re gonna pick up
things as you go along, because that is how human beings learn. The fancy that we listen
attentively to stuff we don’t know, it goes in, and then you
remember it, is a fancy. It’s a complete fancy. What we actually do is
we kind of feel things, and have opinions, and subjective experience
around a subject, and then we distort,
delete, and generalize. Every single one of you
is gonna completely miss some of what I’m saying today, or you’ll mishear it. I get people coming up to me and saying, “You said duh-duh-duh-duh,” and it’s some amazing of piece of wisdom, and I’m like, “That’s really cool. “I totally didn’t say that, but thank you. “I’ll take credit for it.” It’s your own brain working, and it will generalize,
massively, a lot of what goes in. That’s just how the brain works. And a week later, sadly, 80% will be gone unless I
do something about that. So that’s why I’ll send
you the notes afterwards, I’ll send you the video in December, and I’m gonna give you drills that will help you to retain
this in your consciousness and just It has to become part of your daily life. I can’t give you a solution today that then you go off and it’s fine. It’s more like teaching
you how to do pushups, and then you go and do
pushups for the next… If you do it for six weeks, it will go into your own conscious mind, and you won’t need to do it
as much anymore after that. After six months, you
will not need to do it. It will be an unconscious,
automatic response to emotional flashbacks and stress, but we’ll deal with that later. So it’s nonlinear. Don’t worry about it. Let it wash over you. There’s a lot of, like,
stories and metaphors interwoven in there. Are any of you familiar with NLP? Sure some of you will be. In my former life, that’s what I did. I’d coach people using NLP, and I worked a lot in the
British education system. I would teach teachers how to teach, and I would teach students how to learn, so I learned that a lot of, like, hypnosis and NLP techniques to merely help people to
retain the information. Let it wash over you, you’ll have really weird dreams tonight, and hopefully you’ll feel
much better tomorrow. I’m gonna give you the technique that we’re gonna be covering
again and again today. I’m gonna teach you how to get better, and then I’m gonna teach you how to remember how to get
better at the same time. I’ll run through this with you, and then we’ll take it from there. The first thing I want you to do is think about using your hand. If you are right-hand dominant,
it will be your left hand. Don’t worry; you’re not
going to do anything weird. And I want you to place, on
the five fingers of your hand, there’s gonna be different things that you’re trying to remember. When you do this in the real world, if you’re sitting on a bus, or you’re waiting in a office
to go through or something, you just do this, very
casually, with your fingers. You just tap the fingers into
your hand, or you hold them. The idea for doing this Did you? – [Woman] You said the
opposite hand that you use? – It’s better. So I’m right-handed, so I use my left. I touch on my left hand. Yes? – [Man] No. – Oh hi. (laughing) So the first thing is, on your thumb. When you touch your thumb,
this is where your strength is, and I want you to remember that you are the king or
queen of your emotional state. It is your body. It is your brain. It is your life. (whooshing) (clanking)


62 thoughts on “Social media, narcissism and developing a way to stop emotional flashbacks (London 2015)”

  • Why sure…Social Media has everything to do with the epidemia of narcissism & other severe personality disorders. It’s the perfect breeding ground. It’s only getting worse & it’s f…ing scary! People have no clue who or what they are anymore so they easily create a false self or selves based on crap. That’s the modern day standard. Zero connection to the true self…zero honor towards humanity all wrapped up in shiny, showy distracting packaging filled with nothing.

  • Reyrock BRONXMOSTWANTED says:

    I have to say ,,…
    you saved my Life,,…
    my wife is in my opinion suffering from C.P.T.S.D
    manifesting as Full Blown Narcissism.
    I didn't know about how volatile they get when being confronted, so I haven't seen them in over a month ,she made up a DVR that looks like a little girl wrote it vs. The Highly Educated woman who studied psychology, family law, Business & worked for C.P.S as a mediator. Apparently with all her education she went with WORD SALAD as her Defense lol,,…
    this is the perfect Parental Alienation / C.P.T.S.D
    I would have imploded had it not been for your insight & understanding.
    Thank You .
    I have some more supply for you if you contact me Please, ,… LMAO
    I have court on the 3 in two days.

  • I agree, I've been saying this to my friends for years of course preaching on deaf ears. Technological induced narcissism. I believe it's part of the machine's agenda and a result of technological singularity. The effects of narcissists and their behavior is beneficial to a capitalist prison world. A dumb consumer is a good inmate. People who don't see anything wrong with themselves will never see a reason to grow or make improvements, thus perpetuating the status quo.

  • JULIE Ann maloney says:

    unfortunately this information didnt get to my Brother who was an Emergency room physician he passed away from his alcohol and pill addiction But because he was a Doctor and because of the stigma he never sought treatment

  • I really enjoy listening to you Ritchie.. Your humor is refreshing in a world where everyone is SO entirely somber & negative. Social media will eat you alive if you're not strong enough, possess a good & positive sense of self & have the ability to laugh at yourSELF (very low narcissistic attitude & self awareness). Thanks for uploading.
    PS: It seems as if the videos you're doing now are a lot shorter than the ones you used to post prior to getting on with Sam V. Are you aware of this or am I off track here? ?✌

  • ~ Richie is brilliant, as ever, and… the bloke in the front row has magnificent hair and splendid piercings! 🙂 <3

  • Any plans on coming to Australia? I’d be there in a heartbeat. I’ve learnt so much from you and can’t thank you enough! Happy New Year ??

  • The Rockall Times says:

    I was contacted by two narcissists through Facebook and went on to develop relationships that cost me dearly in wasted time, huge amounts of money spent and severe cognitive dissonance. My advice, as Richard has iterated previously: avoid meeting people from the internet because they are all just fecking psychos.

  • Patrick Diprimo says:

    Thanks for this. As a teacher I always knew I was teaching in a different way and you have put it into words! The reality of learning is so simple yet so many people ignore it, especially narcissistic or self centered teachers.

  • figuring it out says:

    Brilliant technique on "how to remember how to get better," the day after I watched this I put it to use, it was building for a few days, I'm assuming from being around family over the holidays! Didn't get it exactly right but have taken a screen shot of the slide so I can practice.

  • Thanks for the email re. purchasing e-book with the techniques for handling emotional flashbacks. Just got it. Very happy.

  • If I was in London, I'd think that mohawked man was one of my ex's that really fancied my life! Thanks for this short and sweet video Richard, with links in the description box ?

  • Deborah Dicembre says:

    This looks fabulous. Can you keep a link to it obviously available. Can't afford it right now , but I want the full info of the 5 fingers technique. I'm sure it's a corker. Looks very effective and boy do we need it.

  • I find it fascinating that you encourage people to seek revenge on those YOU classify “Narcissistic”. Firstly, most people are not qualified to assess the mental state of someone anyone else, and although we may not agree with another person or understand their point of view, what gives anyone the right to judge someone else?

    If person A recently lost a loved one and person B didn’t know this…person A was living with mental anguish and was snappy, seemingly judgemental etc but didn’t actually verbalise his or her issues publicly so person B after watching one of your videos with possible insecurity issues took things to another level thinking they were protecting themselves against a “Narc”, but were in fact (possibly completely unaware) acting in a hostile manner towards person A or any other individual, at what point do you entertain that making blanket statements about a spectrum of personality traits is wrong? To be honest, many of these combative methods for dealing with Narcissism I have heard you talking about sound like partial quotes and possibly misrepresentations of the originating authors. You make YouTube videos, you readily judge others and by default

    I’m not saying that you don’t have the right to inform people of the virtues of identifying unhealthy behaviour in others, but I think it’s dangerous making that argument without allowing for the possibility that just because someone exhibits a particular trait associated with Narcissism, does not by definition make them a narcissist.

    Indulge me for a second. The DSM-5 indicates that persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms, typically without the commensurate qualities or accomplishments:

    Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc. –

    I have heard you in one of your videos refer to your own “genius”. Well that’s interesting, my grandmother used to say “self-praise is no recommendation”. Let that sink in for a second.

    Needing continual admiration from others – I mean our culture has changed with the technology available to us, and one of those technological advances is YouTube. You make a living by making videos, and of course maintaining a Facebook page with lots of content (I assume). Is this just you reaching your audience? Or are you exercising a second narcissistic trait?

    Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others –

    From what I see, there doesn’t seem to be much room for flexibility in your explanation of a narcissist. It appears you have inadvertently put the entire worlds population into a number of categories which range from overt narcissist, covert narcissist, borderline, and cross over.

    Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain – Well,I’m assuming all of this wonderful enlightenment eventually comes at a cost. You coach, yes? Of course everyone is entitled to make a living doing the thing they are passionate about, but hey, if I were describing someone else and describing those traits we have covered so far, it is your characteristics we would be describing as narcissistic.

    Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people –

    You seemingly encourage your audience to mercilessly pursue those they have assessed to be narcissistic. Richard, who has time for that? Most people just want to get on with their lives, not turn identifying narcissists as their life’s pursuit.

    Pompous and arrogant demeanour –

    Well, this point strikes me as fascinating. I think depending on your position here, one could very easily regard your demeanour as arrogant. Perhaps it’s your self-assured method of delivery. Again, at best, I can only make an observation, who am I to call you a narcissist?

    After watching several of your videos, I hear something I have heard before. It’s generally you stringing quotes, opinions and in some cases unsubstantiated facts which are little more than opinion and half truths at best. You remind me of a neighbour I have. She is a lovely woman, but people try to avoid her. She has a habit of talking on and on about random subjects with the profound ability to somehow link them all together. The only difference seems to be that you have a fixated topic, she will talk about everything. There seems to be very little structure in your arguments. Just ramblings and partial quotes strung together with key words.

    I’m not judging you Richard, I am making observations. But when you address in many cases weak and people with self esteem issues, I think that comes with a certain fiduciary responsibility. Because your message shares many of the same characteristics as many hate campaigns. Where does one draw the line between help and hate.

    Hugs x

  • jorgepeterbarton says:

    At 16 I knew it, i had a media blackout. School required that things be typed so i bought a typewriter, even. I just knew that TV, computers were bad, just some physical sensation, loss of thought. Peer pressure said otherwise in the end, and so did depression and the advent of facebook. So I forgot, and i forgot how to handle my symptoms. Facebook is narcissism and paranoia bottled up and sold. I deleted it a few times but used it for business and it crept back. Regarding the cambridge analytica story, we KNOW there is manipulation, its psychological direction on a mass scale.

    If you want to be terrified and vomit intensely, I do recommend a BBC radio 4 program on Nigel Oakes' use of emotional manipulation on a mass scale to sway elections across the globe, and manage consumer outcomes.

    But I'm glad to hear that narcissistic traits can be a transient sign of CPTSD. I have literally broken down a few times to my therapist asking for an NPD BPD or sociopath diagnoses. I have a cptsd and dissociation diagnosis already…I mean people tell others these labels nowadays, if you are annoyed, sulk, shut yourself in your room, have any sign of anger, any sign of arrogance and ego defense or disappear for space. My flatmate would go through diagnoses, based on my current state, like I didn't sleep therefore dark dead eyes, spaced out, must be a psychopath…etc…get ill, must be schzoid as can't socialise…

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