So Much News, So Little Time – Melania’s Jacket & Charlottesville Nazis Return | The Daily Show

So Much News, So Little Time – Melania’s Jacket & Charlottesville Nazis Return | The Daily Show


There’s just too much news. Thankfully, though,
too much news is just the right amount of news
for a segment we call Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Let’s kick off with some news
from the World Cup. Today, Argentina and
Lionel Messi suffered a shock defeat to Croatia
and some Dudovic. But… But that wasn’t even today’s craziest news
out of Russia. Burger King is apologizing
to its customers in Russia for some offensive ads
that were aimed towards women. Burger King Russia offered
women a chance to win $47,000 in free Whoppers for life if they got pregnant
by a World Cup soccer player. MALE TV REPORTER: The prize was
offered to women who would get, “the best football genes,”
and “ensure the success of the Russian team
for generations to come.” This would be a great excuse for any woman
who gets caught cheating during the World Cup
with a soccer player. She could be like,
(Russian accent): “No, honey. You think I wanted to make sex
with Ronaldo? No. I did it
for free burgers for us.” (normal voice):
It’s like, making babies for the future World Cup? Like, I can imagine when these
soccer babies are born
and the doctor spanks them, the baby immediately falls
to the floor. Just like, (crying). (continues crying) This is such a–
it’s such a weird story. But we really don’t have
the time for it, because, uh, remember the
Charlottesville Nazis? Well, they’re back. Yes. The organizers of the
Charlottesville rally have just announced that
they’ll be hosting a march in D.C.
for white civil rights. Yeah, that’s right. They’re demanding
better treatment for white people in America. Which, I’m just gonna put it
out there, is gonna make this the most successful
protest march in history. It’s gonna be like,
“We demand civil ri– “Oh, hey, we got them.
All right, good march, everyone. “Yeah. We got it.
We got it already. “White power.
We’ll see you guys next time. Have a good one.” (cheering and applause) Now, look, I don’t have time
for Nazis, so let’s move on, because there’s
a wardrobe malfunction that’s blowing up the news. TV REPORTER: Breaking news,
Melania Trump making a surprise visit to children
at the border, but did she hurt the message
she was trying to send with an unfortunate
wardrobe choice? The first lady wearing a jacket
bearing the words, “I really don’t care, do you?” Wow. “I really don’t care, do you?” Wow. Looks like when Melania
was in the hospital she had her last (bleep)
removed. (whooping) Although, although,
it is kind of sweet that she made a jacket out of
her and Donald’s wedding vows. That’s really cool. I like that. Aw. (cheering and applause) Now, look, we could spend
forever talking about how out of touch
this makes Melania seem, but I don’t really care, do you? Plus, we don’t have time to talk
about fashion faux pas, because there’s been another
shooting in America. But a strange story involving
the Phanatic, a hot dog and a head injury. TV REPORTER: On Monday night,
the Phillie Phanatic started firing hot dogs, real
hot dogs, into the stands, and one landed squarely
between McVay’s eyes. And then, the next thing I know, he shot it in our direction,
and bam– it, like, hit me like
a-a ton of bricks. TV REPORTER:
Kathy McVay loves the Phillies and doesn’t plan to take
legal action and, yes, she does understand if her
story gets a few laughs. It gives people a good laugh and if that makes somebody
chuckle, then that’s fine. Oh, man. -That’s so cool.
-(applause) Like… I’m really glad
that she’s not badly hurt and that she’s being a really
good sport about this because we do want
to make jokes. Uh, first of all, America is
rock and roll. You guys will shoot anything–
hot dogs, T-shirts, cash. When you get shot in America,
it could mean anything. You could be like,
“Oh, no, I’ve been shot. With a puppy. Yay.” Oh, and by the way, it’s probably smart
that she’s not suing, right, because the Phillie mascot’s
name is literally the Phanatic. Yeah. Who knows how far
he’ll go. He might be, like,
“She’s suing? Well, I guess I have no choice
but to finish the job.” And I know some people are
probably saying right now, “She’s so unlucky to be shot
in the face with a hot dog.” But there’s probably some people
in Africa going, “She’s so lucky to be shot
in the face with a hot dog.”

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