You know, this has been plaguing
me for-for a day or two. I… The news cycle in America
moves so fast, all right, that oftentimes
you don’t get enough time to process everything
that’s happened, you know? It’s like an orgy. But I think, especially over
the coming years, we’re gonna have to get better
at taking a step back to fully understand
what it all means. Take yesterday, for example.
There was so much news. Trump was holding
a press conference while his nominee
for secretary of state was being questioned by Congress while the intelligence community
was trying to decide if reports on golden showers
was confirmed or notandthe brand-new
Game of Thronesbook came out. Yeah. And let’s just say
he took some inspiration from the golden shower incident.
#GoldWedding. It’s really weird.
Really, really weird book. By the way, that’s how we count
where I’m from. I don’t know if that’s, like,
a… You guys were weirded out. It’s an accent thing. Calm down. Uh, so-so tonight,
let’s do this– let’s take a step back
and try and process one of the crazy things
that happened yesterday, which was
Donald Trump’s press conference. #GoldYelling. -Mr. President-elect… -Go
ahead. She’s asking a question. -Don’t be rude. -Mr.
President-elect, can you give us -a question? You’re attacking
us. -Don’t be rude. -Can you give us a question?
-Don’t be ru… -Can you give us a question?
-No, I’m not gonna give you a… -I’m not gonna give you
a question. -Can you state -categorically…
-You are fake news. (laughter) I love that Mr. Real Tan
over here is telling people they’re fake. “CNN, you’re fake. You’re fake. “Next question goes to Bat Boy
from TheNational Enquirer.“Yeah, you’re real. “Yes, I do think Hillary adopted
an alien baby. Yeah, yeah.”
Now, we already talked about Trump’s anti-media crusade
yesterday. But yesterday’s press conference
was also a scary glimpse into the future of what
we might be able to expect from a Donald Trump presidency. And let’s start by looking
at the spectacle, right, which is all Trump wanted
us to be looking at yesterday. Right? Trump shared the stage
with what can only be described as Manila Mountain. These papers are just some
of the many documents that I’ve signed, turning over complete and total control
to my sons. -Good Lord!
-(laughter) -That’s a lot of paper!
-(laughter) -So much paper!
-(laughter) What is he doing there? Looks like a police chief showing off
a homework drug bust. -(laughter) -He’s like, “As you
can see, we found a lot of math, we found a lot of accounting.” Yeah, but jokes aside,
you have to be impressed. Look how much work
he’s been doing for America. But don’t look too close,
because if you do, you might start
to notice things. For instance, the paper inside the folders doesn’t look
like weeks of contracts. It looks brand-new. Yeah, and I know
some of you might be hating. You might be like, “Oh, Trevor, no,
you’re just hating, you know?” But you tell me.
If you had real folders of real business
you were really doing, wouldn’t you at least
have labels on them? (laughter) (applause and cheering) Come on, Donald! Like, you know what? At this point, it’s not even
about the lie, man! -It’s about the lack of respect!
-(laughter) Just take, like, two seconds
to write down a fake label! -(laughter) -Just write…
You could even be like… Just be like,
“Conflict stuff.” -We don’t care!
-(laughter) And the reason this matters is that spectacle is what
Donald Trump uses in place of actually
doing something, which is surprisingly effective. Because now there are people
all over America going, “I know he left his business
because I saw the papers. “I mean, what kind of sick
person would bring empty folders “to a press conference? -Am I right? Am I right?”
-(laughter) Here’s another thing we learned
from the press conference. And it’s not something new, by
the way, but it’s a reminder. President Trump–
he’s going to lie… a lot. What I’m going to be doing is, my two sons,
who are right here– Don and Eric– are going
to be running the company. They are going to be running it
in a very professional manner. They’re not going
to discuss it with me. They’re not going
to discuss it with you at all? -For eight years?
-(laughter) Either that’s a lie,
or Donald Trump… Actually, what if the only
reason Trump ran for president was so that he wouldn’t have to
talk to his sons for four years? -(laughter)
-Maybe that’s what he did. -(cheers and applause)
-That was the entire reason! “Sorry, Eric, can’t talk. -Conflict of interest.”
-(laughter) “But, Dad, I just wanted
to tell you I love you!” (laughter) “Bye, now. Bye! Bye! Get him out of here. Bye!” (cheers and applause) And by the way, by the way, the Office of Government Ethics
has looked through Donald Trump’s
divestment plans, and like a python
at a penis party… -(laughter)
-…they were not impressed. WOMAN:The head of the
government ethics officecalled the plan
“wholly inadequate.”Stepping back from running
his positions is meaningless from a conflicts-of-interest
perspective. The idea of limiting
direct communication about the business
is wholly inadequate. This is not a blind trust.
It’s not even close. Yes! Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you, soon-to-be-unemployed
ethics man! -Thank you!
-(laughter) -Thank you!
-(applause) By the way,
I hope he ended his speech with his LinkedIn profile. Just be like, “And you can
hire me very soon! Very soon!” But he’s right. Trump saying his children running his company
is a blind trust– that’s like a veggie burger
saying, “I’m a hamburger!” Get the (bleep) out of here, you
falafel-ass piece of (bleep)! -(laughter)
-You’re not a burger! (applause and cheering) One thing that was particularly
illuminating yesterday was how little regard
Donald J. Trump seems to have
for the presidency itself. In the past,
U.S. presidents have always acknowledged themselves
as being accountable to the American people. It’s a crucial piece
of what a president should be. And accountable to all people, including the ones
who didn’t vote for them. But as Donny always warned us,
he is an outsider. Uh, well, I’m not releasing
the tax returns, ’cause, as you know,
they’re under audit. Oh, gee, I’ve never heard that.
Oh,gee, I’ve never heard that. I’ve never heard that before.
You know, the only one that cares about my tax returns
are the reporters. Okay, they’re the only ones… No, I don’t think so. I-Iwon.-Do you believe that… -I
would’ve not became president. No, I don’t think
they care at all. -(audience jeering)
-Wow. How great would it be
if we could all use Donald Trump’s logic
in our daily lives? We get busted for…
on the freeway for speeding. You know, and the cop
would be there, like, “Do you know how fast
you were going?” You’d be,
“Look at all these other people. “They don’t care. They
don’t care. They don’t care. “If they cared
they wouldn’t have gotten out of the way.
They don’t care.” But you know what…
the sad truth is? In a way, Trump’s right. Because the people
who voted for him, theydon’tcare. And the people
who chose not to vote,theydon’t care. The only thing we do know
right now is Obamacare. -Obama care very much.
-(laughter) (cheering, applause) Obama care, man. And the 65 million people
who are actually the majority, -they care. But anyway…
-(laughter) I… I just hope that the press keeps caring. I’m glad
they asked that question, and I hope they keep asking it. Because without
a fully functional press, the only one who’s gonna be
blind in this whole situation