everyone did an oopsie *pew news intro* my name is GlooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o o o o o o oo *O I N T E N S I F I E S* -ria Borger and you’re watching the most respectable news site outlet of all time that is not our personal bias, that is just Straight up F A C T S Now some news for- *dramatic close up* A lesser media outlet Buzzfeed, everyone H A patheticc- Buzzfeed prints a one-off magazine! ♥ w o o w ♥ That’s incredible!
Wow how innovative! (Truly innovative) Going back to print, what a great idea! (Captions agree) And put- M O M O on the cover. This is phenomenal work, Buzzfeed Good job Buzzfeed you really did-
you really outdone yourself this time Buzzfeed Can I sound a little bit more condescending? So this was on my Twitter news feed for some reason Twitter decided “hey you wanna know about this?” BUZZFEED EVERYONE Its a-
And I love all the responses to this basically *N O O N E C A R E S* (noonecares.mp4) Good call moving to print! Booming industry! So you’re telling me that the creative director said: “When history looks back at Buzzfeed’s #1 issue, we want the iconic MOMO to be on the cover..?” Well well well, to bad there wont be any history for Buzzfeed I know, this is so sad Last month it was reported that as many as 2100 people have lost their jobs in the past two weeks Buzzfeed having a cut of 15% of their staff
This is SO. SAD. ok I’m not giving my opinion, but I’m literally shaking and crying right now Buzzfeed, who hires such amazing people like Joe Bernstein- Oh, god no! NOOOOOOOOOOO- *smac* *SmAc* *S M A C* Oh and not vice too, Vice! Laying off 10% of their workforce? Vice, that does such incredible journalism.. This is a huge blow for journalism… How are we possibly going to survive? Now, obviously people losing their jobs is not to be celebrated but… *dramatic closeup 2 incoming* B U T Kinda hard to feel bad for companies, that are running these smear campaigns Not just against me, but other people as well. Are you suppos-
How long do they keep thinking they can do this kind of stuff without getting away with it? Obviously there are many factors involved But I find it ironic and funny how Buzzfeed two years ago after the wall street journal scandal, uh, posted about my-my downfall Writing: His downfall feels anti-capitalist, it feels nonconformist, it makes us feel all the things we love to feel to prove we’re better than Well WELL W E L L what a downfall indeed Have fun, Buzzfeed I’ll be laughing all the way N E X T
N E W S Next news comes from Captain Marvel, that’s right y’all know I would talk about this. the reason why I haven’t done a few news in a while is I haven’t been too invested in what’s happening and it’s been kind of nice to be honest but this is one of those news that uH- you just can’t- You can’t escape it’s been literally everywhere, recommended in all the feeds Rotten Tomatoes explains why it removed thousands of audience reviews on Captain Marvel’s opening day WELL I don’t even have to research this DISNEY PAID THEM!! that is not fact. that is just pure speculation but it also most importantly is my opinion (which she’s not supposed to have) Basically, if you don’t know what happened here the Captain Marvel audience score review on Rotten Tomatoes was at 33% and then a lot of reviews just disappeared and got deleted some people were estimating over 50,000 and now it’s sitting at 55% like ratio. Now, however still enjoys Marvel films you know that’s up to you, but a lot of people define this as ‘trolls’, you know this is trolls and therefore, we have every right . remove the review if you’re a troll then your opinion doesn’t count, basically ah, yes! Trolls! That’s a good excuse to remove freedom of speech! iF yOu’Re A tRoLl, ThEn YoU’rE nOt AlLoWeD tO vOiCe YoUr OpInIoN! mm-mm-mmh! This s**t annoys me so much because it reminds me of the goddamn Amy Schumer thing I don’t know if you remember her Netflix special which was one of the worst things I’ve ever watched and I watched that with an open mind 5% liked this film according to Google users After the bad reviews came out on Netflix from the Amy Schumer special they removed the 5 star rating system which now makes it impossible to find something that you actually like on Netflix. I’ve just given up tryna find stuff on there Rotten Tomatoes said that it was a bug 🐛A BUG 🐛 that removed 10,000 audience reviews Okay, Rotten Tomatoes, sure. Sure. Are we expected to believe this? Now, you might ask yourself, why? Why was it getting bad reviews in the beginning? Well, some people obviously liked the film Some people described it as bland and not that interesting and I mean considering how many Marvel films they’ve done at this point, it’s probably kinda hard to innovate. Personally I think a lot of people disliked this film becuase of the main charac- the main actress, Brie Larson who is probably one of the most unlikeable lead female characters I’ve seen in a long time. I mean , just- and one more question. Um, what does it mean to be a woman in film? ………. it means it’s really hard ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) …….. and if you’re a woman of colour, then it’s really, really hard ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) God, everyone just wants to be a victim, don’t they? Imagine being the lead- the lead of a… multi million- what is it? Like 500 million- what was the budget for this- IT DOESN’T MATTER and then say it’s really hard (giggles) Imagine being attractive being paid millions and then going ‘iT’s So HaRd’. Like, Jesus Christ. Imaging being the figure of female er- strong character and going ‘it’s really HARD’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) JESUS CHRIST What’s ironic about this whole situation about reviews getting removed is that Lee Brar..er.. Larson herself in the past expressed that she doesnt like the way the system of reviews is done because a movie that she like- what was it? A Tangle In Time or something? What’s it called? A Wrinkle In Time ! …got bad reviews. Her response to that was basically ‘well, it wasn’t made for you’ 67% of white men are making these reviews That’s why it got bad reviews because it wasn’t made for white men, okay? They’ve released findings *SCHNIFF* …that 67% of the top critics reviewing the 100 highest grossing movies in 2017 were white males. Less than a quarter were white women and less than 10% were unrepresented men only 2.5% of those top critics were women of colour. It’s important to know the fact here that Brie Larson doesn’t hate white men
– and I’m also saying I don’t hate white dudes! I’m just sayin I’m not suppOSED TO GIVE MY OPINION but I’m just saying…hehehe Am I saying that I hate white dudes? No… I’m not. Let me try and unwrinkle this she… hates white dudes or-I… I–er– I just- eh I don’t understand and for the 3rd time, I don’t hate white dudes! Whether you agree with her or not, I think her politics is what muddled people’s opinion about her, at least and I think that’s fair. you know, not everyone wants politics in everything and that-see… it’s getting kind of annoying at this point. I think what annoys me most out of all this is the strawmanning of ‘if you didn’t like this film, then that means you’re a troll.’ or that you don’t like seeing strong female characters or yada, yada, yada it’s the same thing every time. I stumbled upon this footage, for example There are people who get very bent out of shape about the fact that she’s a woman …that Brie’s a woman and wants to see women moving into an equal place in humanity to men. sad. must be sad to be that kind of dinosaur wandering toward the tar pits. AHHHHH YES! THAT’S why Alita: Battle Angel was getting so much hate as well! That’s when people are bent out of shape over that movie getting released or Wonder Woman or literally hundred of female main character films No one cares. No one is making this arguement that people don’t want equality or seeing strong female characters or whatever it was he said and wants to see women moving into an equal place in humanity to men or that women can move an equal place aside the men. NO ONE IS SAYING THAT NO ONE Maybe, like, a very small percentage but of course anyone that- that disliked this film you just dont want to see women moving into the same place You know what? People dont realise how hard it is being a female news anchor but you dont see me complaining about it Now for a 100 times more imoportant news Dog showed up for storytime at library but nobody came to read to him Awwhawwahw Unfortunately, nobody signed up to read to Sting at the White Bear Lake library I’m shaking and crying What? Felix, this news was posted a year ago, why are you talking about this now? it is 👏 still👏 relevant 👏 goddamnit Uh, Forbs attacks Pewdiepie.
That’s right! They wrote this article saying:
“It’s time to unsubscribe from Pewdiepie Vs. T-Series.” oKaY ALrigHt They’re basically saying:
“Both channels have been irresponsible, prioritizing the attention growth of their channels instead of helping to create a wHOLesoMe YOUtubE cOMmuniTy” OWww… Forbes just care about creating a WHOLESOME YOUTUBE COMMUNITY? support the creators The community is what got involved with this. I didn’t even start this whole thing… *laughs* It’s the community that keeps it alive. And they’ve done so many incredible things that I’m so proud of. And the reason why they’re bringing this up is because uhh… A few days ago, it came up that someone defaced a World War II memorial, uhh, by writing “Subscribe to Pewdiepie” This has been covered in so many different places and obviously, it’s jus- uhh, it’s disgusting You know, I don’t think I’ve done anything to… …condone this sort of behavior. Uhh, but of course Forbes…
…right- right after that, I’ve said: “A good meme for a good cause” And that’s sort of implying that, uhh- They even wrote it straight out: The creator hasn’t made any efforts to temper the extremes of his fan base What am I gonna do? *Confuzzled* Like, first of all, that’s just not true I already said in… many times that, don’t do anything (il)legal because that would obviously look bad on me but doing this sort of hack- print hacks *uH-* people doing protests, people being- holding up signs all these things are amazing and really fun to follow and i think it’s really cool no, i don’t think i’ve done anything to condone this sort of behavior obviously it’s disgusting, obviously i don’t condone it whatsoever i don’t know why anyone got in their mind to do this it’s just stupid most likely it’s just a kid it looks like they just grabbed a stone to scribe it in and the mix of large and small letters kind of signifies that as well uh it looks like it’s many different kids it looks like you could probably remove that pretty easily at least which im really glad ‘cuz uh… i would hate for that to be there if anyone knows if it has been removed please let me know, it’s just terrible, honestly don’t do this, i don’t know i- i- it’s like i’m expected to say don’t do this obviously don’t do this, do i rea- i shouldn’t have to say it even but of course, forbes has to go out of their way to *poof* that’s it for pew news, hope you guys enjoyed this episode smash like, check out the merch and i’ll see you guys next time gloria borger out *borga borga boo* *borga borga bye* Tuber Simulator is now so relevant That it’s got a brand new minigame Craniac Drop the crane and get fresh items only available in the washing machine-like game And you say there’s more? Of course there is! New knowledge perks new quests and new pixelings and legs *legs intensify* guys ……. legs *ad for relevant game continues*