MY NEWS NETWORK!

MY NEWS NETWORK!


Hellooooo! Welcome! My name is Buzzfeed Family Friendly Felix. I got big news… Big news. I’m starting my own… news company. I’m going independent. Please support my Patreon in the description. Just realized it seemed like I’m roasting Filthy Frank, but that’s not it. I’m serious about this one guys! (Ma Names JEFF!) I’m going inde– [hits mic] [silent] Goddamnit. I’m going independent! Please support me. uhhh… Okay, here we go. So my company is gonna be called: [types “lol, news”] There we go! Perfect. Okay, so this is my character right? What the hell is this? Where does it ask for my preferred pronoun? Well, obviously I am Dragon Lord Skater — uh, so I guess I’m just Dragon Lord. Holy shit! This guy looks just like me (true) if I took the wrong turn life and became a journalist. Let’s go. (Ya) My god, this game looks incredible. (Yep) We’ll b- We’ll be using Comic Sans in all our titles. We need people to take us seriously, unlike all those other–other news websites that everyone knows… is not real news. “lol, news” is the only news source you can truly trust. Wha- is this all I do all day? Just sit around in front of a computer? Wow, being a journalist is almost being– as shitty as being a Youtuber. One of our biggest competitors: “Fake News”. Goddam those “Fake News”. “lol, news” WILL THRIVE… …once I’ve figured out how to play this game… …as dragon lord. Okay. Here we go. Choose an article. Okay. Politics… Sure. This feature will be available in next update! Wow! What a great game, I’m having a lot of fun with this one. I’m gonna create my own news site goddamnit. “lol, news” WILL THRIVE. “lol, news” WILL BE CONQUERED. It will take away from ALL the- You think you’ve seen clickbait articles? Well, look again. ‘Cause “lol, news” will thrive. Let’s do this. Hey, everybody. PewDiePie here with “lol, news”. We landed an exclusive interview with PewDiePie himself. PewDiePie, how come you’re keeping your dogs in a cage? “They’re- they’re just in a cage. I keep them while I record… For like, five minutes.” This just in! PewDiePie, Animal abuser! Confirmed! Breaking story! Live here at PewDiePie! I’m the one who broke the story. Now we’re gonna go to our Field-Guy Felix. Let’s go. Over to you, Felix. Thank you very much, PewDiePie. Hey, can I ask you guys some questions? Do you watch YouTube? [Citizen 1]: Yeah, yeah. Who’s your favorite youtuber? [Citizen 2]: I don’t know.
[Citizen 1]: No idea. What do you think about PewDiePie? [Citizen 1]: Not bad.
[Citizen 2]: Yeah, yeah, he’s pretty cool. PewDiePie is a nazi. How could you watch him? [chuckles from the group] [Citizen 2]: His older shit was funny.
[Citizen 1]: Yeah Do you mind if we ask you some question?
[Citizen]: Sure, go ahead. Do you watch YouTube?
[Citizen]: Yes. Who’s your favorite YouTuber?
[Citizen]: Uhmm, Neebs Gaming. What’s that? [Citizen]: I’m joking. PewDiePie. No no no, you don’t like PewDiePie, he’s a terrible YouTuber. Who’s really your favorite YouTuber? [Citizen]: Okay, Jacksepticeye. That’s right! Do you have a minute to talk about PewDiePie? [woman continues walking] Good, keep it that way. Excuse me, do you have a minute? I can ask you some questions? [Older citizens]: What would you like to ask? You two look– you two look like you watch a lot of YouTube. [Male citizen]: No no no, not at all. That’s good. We’re “lol, news”. Very respectable news organization.
[Male citizen]: Yeah, unique. (chuckles) I don’t like this attitude of laughing at it. Do you know who PewDiePie is? [Male citizen]: Who what? That’s good. Keep it that way. No PewDiePie? Thank you.
[Male citizen]: That’s alright. The older people. The older generation. There is hope. There is–I mean the young and [starts fumbling over his words] I meant– I meant ! The mid–– mid-age. Lower mid-age I think there’s something wrong with it! As you can see, PewDiePie is clearly causing a division in the world. We understand. But the– all the other news organizations are saying — Excuse me, can we ask you a question? Are you busy? What do you think about PewDiePie? He’s the worst! You heard it first! Thank you. Good man. It’s so strange. So many people hate PewDiePie…. but he really did nothing wrong — I mean, he did everything wrong (chuckling). PewDiePie truly is a terrible person. That’s proven here today… by the– by the media. Thank you. What’s your favorite YouTuber? [Citizen]:I can’t say that… it’s not
gonna be you. Do– Do you like PewDiePie? [Citizen]: Like is a strong word. I… How dare you say that! How — no! Disgusting. [Citizen]: You’re not as funny as iDubbbz. That’s true. That’s probably true. PewDiePie is evil. Let’s ask that guy, a fellow citizen, what he thinks of PewDiePie. “YouTube is dangerous.” What are your thoughts? [“Fellow citizen”]: You’re gay. I agree 100%. Good man. Do you watch YouTube? [Citizen]: YouTube? (yes) No. Keep it that way. Sorry, PewDiePie? PewDiePie. We’re here with “lol, news”. We would– we would really like for you to — We would like to offer you a chance to defend yourself. Guess PewDiePie doesn’t want to respond. That must mean he’s guilty. I got it. (It– it’s– it’s… wait.) (Wha– What?) (Laughs) How’s it going, bros. My name is PewDiePie! I got no ideas.

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