EVERYONE DID AN OOPSIE Good evening everyone I’m MARY HAM *intro plays* Ham News My name is Mary Ham and I like ham Our first story comes from Gloria Borger Gloria Borger has passed away Now I’m not supposed to give my opinion but this is so sad Poppy Gloria was found dead in her apartment We don’t know yet who’s responsible but we do know that I was the last person seen with Poppy Gloria alive Let’s have a moment of silence for Poppy Gloria NEXT *clap* NEWS *clap* *music plays* Our next story follows YouTube YouTube did an oopsie wHAAT NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT *chuckles* What did YouTube do this time? They gave a shout-out to SSSniperWolf okay not that big of a deal “This is the future!” SniperWolf is here to share some of the craziest vending machines all around the world PewDiePie had this to say: Oh, I didn’t show up ’cause I… OH IN YOUTUBE’S MAIN? Their main? Whaat? *unintelligible* Some people were upset about this, saying that this channel plagiarizes clickbait articles like Buzzfeed every day without citing a source Promote channels that do research and write their own material, please Now to be fair, this isn’t on SSSniperWolf This is more on YouTube *laughs* I mean I can’t really fault anyone for making low quality content *laughs* EXCEPT HAM NEWS I do research goddammit and I’m not upset at SniperWolf, okay I don’t even care that she got to meet Keanu Reeves IT DOESN’T REALLY BOTHER ME AT ALL I HAVEN’T MEET KEANU REEVES SO WHY CAN’T I and it doesn’t even bother me, that she’s been on the trending page TWO DAYS IN A ROW AHURG AUEH I don’t even have any opinions so it would be literally impossible for me to care NEXT NEWS We have an update on the Tfue vs FaZe drama Now this is höttest drama that has ever drop- deh Tfue is suing FaZe Clan OHMYGOD *boom* honestly why does anyone care? *laughs* Now Tfue said: Uuh release the contract pls But FaZe Clan, please release the contract and then Faze Clan be like Oh, we ARE releasing the contract and then FaZe Clan be like …okay we not gonna actually release the contract we’re just gonna make a video “Multiple different versions of contracts” WOW Careful there, buddy you’re showing a bit too information wow thanks for releasing the contract now we can go through ALL of it This is great, thank you *laughs* Careful not to show TOO MUCH Just put the contract out there they’re crazy …2018 OHMYGOD THERE’S sO mUCH INFORMATION “Like we didn’t know if he wanted more monthly salary, we sent him a deal that was gonna pay him seven figures a year” Why do they always do that? They always say seven figures it’s one million Whenever someone says seven figures, that means a million it doesn’t mean anything else SEVEN FIGURE- Oh, a million So they addressed the allegations that FaZe is taking money out of their code Tfue stuff which apparently is a LOT of money into that Fortnite purchase code thingbajigga “We’ve seen a little miscommunication on terms of community understanding about in-game items and what that might mean and what that applied to” “Let us be very on the record right now, that has nothing to do with supporting creator codes” Tfue was signed in April of 2018, while Epic announced Support-A-Creator in October of 2018 So, they’re basically saying: it was IMPOSSIBLE for us to take money out of his ’cause you know they would’ve had it in their deal If this contract happened after they announced this “Support-A-Creator” program you know, you know damn well they would put something in that but they’re saying that they wouldn’t do that I-i-i kind doubt on that “When it became clear to us that his-” I’ve never seen more private texts, in my entire life than these past three weeks Everyone is just all: Private text? I’ll put that in a video “When it became clear to us that his pure intention was really just to leave, that’s very difficult” So they addressed the criticism that Faze’s been getting because Tfue obviously wants out of this contract Why can’t you just let them? …him and they say this: “Oh, why didn’t you just let him out?” because our fans have invested their time, and their effort, and their care, and their love, into the relationship that we created with Tfue too” the f*ck kind of argument is that? it’s for the fans, guys they’re just looking out the fans So, they wanna preserve this relationship that they have between the fans and Faze Clan ..and Tfue but Tfue clearly wants nothing to do with Faze Clan So what kind of relationship are you preserving there? Am I, am I caveman dummy-dumb? I don’t get it, what’s the argument?