I lost my three sons to suicide  – BBC Stories

I lost my three sons to suicide – BBC Stories


This family is just destroyed. The question: “Why?”
will always be in my head. It’s horrendous to think that there might actually be people
who die because our strategy is not implemented. What was life like growing up with your children? Very busy. It was a very busy and noisy household. Three boys, two girls, not much between them in age. I feel creative when I come into the garden. I love watching the growth and thinking there is life, there’s life in plants and nurturing them. I’m beginning to feel like Prince Charles here talking to the plants. Have you been to where your sons are buried? When Niall first died I was up every week.
Flowers, fussing about. Kieran died, twice I went up. Stephen died,
the day of his burial that was it. I haven’t been up and that was a year ago, because I can’t
go up because I’m scared of falling apart and breaking. Because I just feel like digging them out. Saying: “You should be here, you should be here with
me, you should be here.” It’s hard. It really is hard, you know. Stephen in his last few weeks before he died,
he kept saying to me his mind was broken. It was hell, because he never got much sleep.
He paced them floors at night-time. I never got much sleep with him, because you’re
constantly aware of him walking them floors. We’ve been to mental health, begged them,
begged them to offer help and I felt as if they didn’t listen. They asked him: “If they got him somewhere would he go?”
Yes, he would go in somewhere. I said: “Right, that’s okay.” “Well you’re going to have to wait until Monday.
There’s nothing we can do until Monday.” I just got up, I just walked like that, and I went: “That’s fine.” And I just turned and I came back to the doctor
and I went like that with my finger: “We haven’t got until Monday. Just remember them
words. You’re not giving me much help here.” We could look at the economic climate in Northern
Ireland. We’re only just seeing the effects of austerity and we know that when there’s economic stressors on a
population we see an increase in the suicides there. We have some marginalised groups in Northern
Ireland such as our LGBT community here who have really high rates of mental health problems
and suicidal behaviour. The legacy of the Troubles has had its impact
on the mental health of the population here and that’s still being felt in Northern Ireland, and we through our research at
Ulster University have shown that exposure to traumatic events relating to the Troubles
is likely to increase your risk of suicidal behaviour. We discovered that 39% of the Northern Ireland population
had witnessed a trauma that would be related to the Troubles and that was really, really high. The concern is that the effects of those
traumas that their parents had witnessed is now affecting the next generation
of young people in Northern Ireland. To me it was just a statistic, that’s
what Stephen was, a statistic. They didn’t realise he was a much
loved son, brother, uncle, father and we wanted to hold onto him and keep
him precious because his two brothers died. He was the only son, my only
surviving son left in this family, and they didn’t care. They really didn’t. He was helpless at the end, helpless,
and that’s what angered me because I wouldn’t want anybody
going through what we went through and I would do anything in my power I could to stop and something needs to be put
in place to help people like that. To lose someone by suicide, it’s just dreadful and I just honestly can’t explain
to you the pain of that. My young son Philip had died in 2003, and I had no idea what the signs were of
depression or if someone was feeling suicidal. People isolating themselves away,
not wanting to be involved with anything. Even down to if they’re not looking
after their own personal care. Sometimes you can see people and they’re
smiling and laughing and everything’s okay and then you’ll get that dreaded phone call the next day.
It’s just a shock. Where did that come from? These people had families, had children, they had jobs,
all of a sudden they’re gone now, and why? You know it’s hard for a grown man and a guy who gives
a persona that he’s such a strong person on the outside to say that he’s weak on the inside. That’s the
way he looks at it, I wouldn’t say he’s weak. With the proper help and the proper
counselling, the proper support you actually feel stronger. For years we were very silent about the Troubles. ARCHIVE: The first bomb was in an auctioneer’s showroom in Great Victoria Street. Minutes later, another bomb went off nearby. We’re asking people to talk about their mental health,
we’re asking people to talk about the Troubles. This is a very big ask in a society that has
remained silent, and fearfully silent, for so long. Growing up in the Troubles was pretty intense and you can see, personally because I
grew up in the Troubles myself, why coming out the other end of that, there
would be certain issues that people could have. You were sitting in the house, you’re a young man, and this is if you’re a Catholic or
a Protestant it doesn’t matter and a car pulled up to your house, you’d be
jumping up out of your bed or off your sofa looking out the blinds to see who it was.
Your door would be barricaded every night. There are more people now who have
died by suicide than died in the conflict. That’s unbelievable. So we can’t give up. They who shout the loudest is often heard and I think I should have shouted a bit more in
all honesty, but I was so tired and weak. I think that’s why I took all the classes up, to give
me strength, keep myself going to do things. It keep me active and keeps my mind
off things, and I enjoy creating things. It’s a great class, and it’s a wee hub
as you see, all the girls here and it takes things off your mind and it gets you out
of the house instead of staring at the four walls. Ooh! I told you she’s a quiet person. It makes me feel like I’m a person.
This is me, this is what I like to do. You know, I can be of some use to the world. It’s really, really disheartening to think that we
have the strategy that people commented on, went to a lot of trouble to develop, and it’s sitting on a shelf and we can’t deliver on it because we
don’t have an executive in Stormont. The policy changes that are required and
expenditure changes that are required to deliver all of the new techniques, the new activities, we can’t actually do that. It takes people and families like myself,
where we have to put our grieving on hold to campaign to have this strategy released. When we look at Scotland a number of years
ago had rates that were higher than ours. They had a strategy, they implemented
it and the rates did go down. I don’t think there’s much being done to be honest with you. I don’t think they’re doing enough,
I think there should be more money put in. There should be more people trained up. We are the highest suicide throughout the United Kingdom and that’s what I can’t grasp. Is why? What? What?

Author:

100 thoughts on “I lost my three sons to suicide – BBC Stories”

  • If you or someone you know has been affected by the issues in this film, then organisations that may be able to help can be found here http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4WLs5NlwrySXJR2n8Snszdg/emotional-distress-information-and-support

  • Being dead is better than being alive. The people who have friends or family who have killed themselves should be happy for them.

  • “Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.” That is from Socrates. I do contemplate on suicide for almost a decade now. I kinda think, it is a celebration.
    My ailing cousin did. I have some guilts; i guess, he overheared my arguments weeks before he did it in 2016. Albeit, he could also be philosophical about human life… And also, 2 of my childhood friends did, some 10 yrs ago.

  • A human can live a few weeks without food. A human can live a couple days without water. A human can't live without hope. When all hope is lost, so is the human. This society we live in is creating a LOT of hopelessness… and those in power don't give a shit. Recommend watching this video…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVQ4LIp39Xo&t=687s

  • Rosmzi Che Rose says:

    Dear Patricia, may god help you and show the light in your life. we all pray for you. may god bless and may you have strong heart like stone….take good care

  • Your accent sounds like Belfast northern Ireland. The people there are beautiful and so are you and your sons. I am so so sorry about your loss. I honestly don't know what to say.

  • I am so sorry for the loss this family has suffered and still suffers with. Those of us left to grieve a loss of a loved one to suicide suffer a pain that no words can describe. Those of us left here grieving now carry double the pain forced on us and those that commit suicide can't know all the pain they felt too hard to live with anymore now transfers to us. Adding to the pain is the unanswered question of why? What did I miss? What could I have done differently to stop this? Was my love and support not enough or even felt? No answer will ever be enough to rest our thoughts. I pray for the family and friends that have suffered with mental illness, suicide and heartache.

  • For some reason my country dcided that this video is inapproriate for me……welp guess they don't want me to learn that people go through harsh experiences….But seriously WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Alexander Ranin says:

    The only thing that eases my pain is the thought of killing myself, why can’t every country provide assistance in dying peacefully? Why there isn’t an option for people goes beyond me

  • For any one watching this video and feeling low , Do not ever think about killing yourself ,kill the reasons that hurt you .
    If they are people ! Cut them off, if it’s a college specialty change it ,if it’s a job leave it ,if it’s a girlfriend or a boyfriend leave her/him there’s always another chance to love and be loved 💕 ,darlings you’re here for a reason which is to find peace and be peaceful . to learn how to love Allah and be loved by his almighty . The Quran says ((And wait patiently for the judgment of your Lord, for surely you are before Our eyes, and sing the praise of your Lord when you rise))-
    It’s him saying to you that you’re before his almighty’s eyes which means power,guidance,and love .
    The Quran also says :((And soon will your Lord give you so that you shall be well pleased)).
    Have strength and put yourself first before others ,search for your own reasons for your own meaning of happiness . This too shall pass ,these struggles are not the end of your life. these are lessons for you to be stronger,lessons for you to grow through.
    Get yourself out of this pain mindset you’re only manifesting more of the same circumstances. Go out with the people who love you and care about you ,go to the gym , travel, read new books, take a step towards the change . I don’t know you but I just wanted to say THAT YOU ARE LOVED ✨ . Please reply to me if you read my comment ,I just wanna make sure you’re good .

  • It's hard to understand what she's saying 😯 but on the topic, it's so sad and awful this happened to her.

  • My son took something from the roadworks..climbed up a tree and hung himself. He was 17 Patricia..I have no idea how you survive. Sending all my love to you xxxxxx

  • I have had suicidal thoughts. I feel like I want to kill myself but in me I know that when you do so you will end up in hell. Just depression but I can't talk to anyone about it. I just wanted help so I came here.

  • They didn't show any suicide letters or state any reason why. Usually people who take their own life leave a letter of reason behind. This lady looks disheartened but you don't know what shes like. Those who don't know my mother think shes a nice woman, but shes a true narcissist behind the scenes. If people want to stop suicide, FIX the world, its quite easy to do except most and I do say most are driven by greed. We are still committing genocide over oil and resources. There is no such thing as a parental licence leaving children to be brought up in hostile and toxic environments. If you truly want to stop suicide, stop making life a living hell…

  • Germanas Pancerovas says:

    Life in western europe is hell for men. And they want to invade rest of the world to destroy rest of the culture. West is toxic and unhealthy.

  • IF I had ONE wish IT would beTO MAKE PUBLIC. that SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT COPE. with life AND THIER SUISIDE IS TOTAL TOTAL RELIEF from So called reallity. DONT BE SAD PLEASE PLEASE . WE WONT RELIEF not your guilt……..please……….we wont out

  • Warren Chambers says:

    I'm facing some real tough times again. As a kid at 10 my parents split up it wrecked me for awhile. 13yrs later I found myself going thru my own divorce and loss of another family. After 18rs again it fell apart ending in divorce she has mental illness. I did not want to let go but I knew it was doing serious damage to me. Now I live alone and so not want to be around anyone. The kids have married and moved away which I'm glad they're doing well. I have back issues from being a mechanic for 30yrs and can no longer work much. My savings are gone, my credit is ruined and my mortgage is behind. The house will be gone if I can't find work soon. I'm losing weight cause I don't eat, lacking in my personal hygiene, I feel so lost and don't know where to turn. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough anymore to handle it and I'm so so tired. I pray everyday for real help, real solutions for my problems but fear is there deep down it's there I can feel it.

  • Why would the “content has been identified by the YouTube community as inappropriate or offensive to some audiences” ?? This is part of life that NEEDS to be discussed, not hidden!!!

  • mashonda Knight says:

    I can relate I was at a very hard time in my life I had tried to commit suicide.Thank YOU so much on bringing light to this subject.

  • Prime Minister says:

    Fake concern and tears of alligators from these mothers are DISGUSTING. These women fully well know what's going on but they pretend to close their eyes. Their sons are in pain infront of them but they continue to nag nag nag nag nag nag and blame and blame till the arrow is out trigger is pulled.

  • No way will I ever go to the Doctors and let them know or anybody know. I’ve lost interest in everything now. Sleep as much as I can.

  • Christina Penner says:

    It’s surprising that the government didn’t step in (Private Ryan style) at some point to save her last son.

  • Jay Philip S. says:

    In the UK, people don't care about suicide. When I moved to USA, I found how people response to suicide is so strong. I talked several times about suicide and didn't actually say I'm going to kill myself, people still got worried and called mental health facility. I was so annoyed because I felt they are overreacting. In the US or Canada, people are taught to report any suicide warning sign. Is what the US or Canada doing the right thing despite it may be annoying to a subjected person?

  • manuela montesclaros says:

    I keep watching videos who have lost their children just to remind myself to not commit suicide.
    I really have urge to kill myself right now. I'm tired .

  • Scarlet Moonlight says:

    Committing suicide is our fundamental rights as human beings forced into the human condition It’s not for everyone, living isn’t understandable to everyone, however , I do believe if you’re thinking about suicide you should think about it for a very long time , don’t just jump into it because your life could change for the better

  • Emilio Martinez says:

    You noticed that men kill themselves far more than women. This is because a man has no reason to live if he has no achievement, no wife, and no more self-esteem.

  • Tuscanee December moon xp says:

    I lived in northern Ireland for 7 long ass years.. that place is something else all I can say. 💔💔💔💔

  • I am writing to thank u for sharing this video. I myself is extremely suicidal and am singling even darker. I tried but no help was available . I wanted to die alone without suffering anymore . I really do. I am not a coward but there is just nothing anyone can help me anymore :(((((((((((

  • MissDoomNGloom says:

    This really illustrates the fact that siblings of those who commit suicide are factors more likely to commit suicide themselves. It's really the "gift" that keeps on giving.
    I've been desperate and broken. I've attempted suicide. I've been in the same lightless, hopeless hole you're in.
    Help is out there. You may have to go through a few people to find the right psychiatrist or counselor, but it's nothing you haven't overcome before. I promise that it can get better. Find the resources.

  • I just recently lost my son to suicide I don't know what care you get in Ireland or England because I'm from Wales . And the way people treat you here it's like you've done something wrong there's no help groups or nothing. Feeling so heartbroken and lost and a quick message to the mum in the video I am so so sorry if I could give you a hug I would xc

  • Tshering Wangdi says:

    Hello everyone, everyone is so sweet here. I’ve been crying reading each and everyone’s comments. I’m also one of them just living for my mom. I never got to see my dad as my parents were divorced and he passed before I could call “Dad” once. My mom, she had done everything to bring me up and to educate but the point is I just seem to be a black sheep. I just don’t feel like living anymore or run somewhere far far away but again Mom is holding me back. I’m not married and have not planned for marriage at all. Like one of you said after she passes then it will be my turn. What a life! People around you are never satisfied what you do. Relationship sucks! I feel you guys who are on the same roof☹️☹️☹️

  • zorazora zorzzora says:

    The fighting in Northern Ireland has been going on since I was a kid… depressing environment to grow up with the angst…

  • All because northern Ireland has been ripped off Ireland as a happy whole united country and new millenial people are shoving colonialistic opinions and information in their faces. English people are pure evil

  • This is unthinkable 🙁 I found a suicide note this weekend. I found out this weekend my 15 year old daughter is trying to end her life asap. Please help if you can on goFundme, search "Help with Hailey’s URGENT rehab”

  • I pray you all that are thinking of suicide look for help because you are special and your family need you and will be lost with out you

  • God bless this women may Gods grace continually surround her without ceasing! Ever ….. warm hugs to all xxxx I’m just so so so sorry ….

  • The people are out of power, they have not daily fresh herbs, fruits and vegetables, to less love back, nobody to give a hug to them, they got lied to from people they love, a lot of too many Evil around, that brokes a Person who still have feelings and a heart.

  • Monica McGraw says:

    I agree with you. This has to be addressed. This is serious. Many people have taken their own lives. This shouldn't be considered offensive, because this is really happening throughout the world. This has existed since Adam and Eve.

  • Kimberley Pex says:

    Poor woman. This is to much ! My God , so much respect for this mother . This strong woman deserves now good things, much love . What can I say
    ❤️🌹❤️

  • chellebelle914 says:

    I don't think the weather helps TBH. I get super depressed when it's cloudy out. OBVIOUSLY there are more serious contributors but being SO high might have something to do with the lack of sun and vit d. Just wondering, don't @ me

  • Newell Daugherty says:

    People Don’t Want to Kill Themselves They Just Don’t Know How to Kill the Pain!!!!!!!!!

    Every Thunderstorm Runs Out of Rain!!!!!!

  • Timothy Barend says:

    i believe that LBGT causes a lot of the male suicides too. Ruining mens' lives over false accusations etc.

  • There is a WORLDWIDE mental health crisis. I truly believe that a number of our worlds most pressing issues have mental health issues at the root. It’s so stigmatized still, it is difficult to ask for help, find good help, and afford the care they need. Then you have the treatment itself which can be lifelong, and arduous. It’s absolutely unacceptable. Our mental health needs to be accommodated just as our physical health. They are undeniably interconnected too. We have come really far as a world community, but in this regard we are stuck in the dark ages.

  • There should be suicide acceptance. Many people feel that they aren't understood. I am one of them. People shouldn't be forced to live

  • What the people don't know is this is a spriutal warfare with sàtan and his demons looking to see whom they can deceive devour kill steal and destroy …. Suicied is an evil Demoinc sprit that comes to bring death and destrction into people's minds they get into their thoughts and beginng to have depression wanting out of life those demons are the voices people hear in their minds that makes them to commit succide for one purpose is to gain souls for sàtan God is against suicied He will not forgive suicied because it is a sin the bible says God says I will destroy those who destroy their own body's …. Destroy means punishment in the lake of fire …. When people commit succide what these poor people know after a person has commuted succide after they died stop breathing ,,,,, their souls will come out from their bodies and step into eternity and wake up in a dark place where there will be DEMONS. WATIING FOR THEM TO TAKE THEM TO A LIVING HELL THEIR LIFE OF LIVING UTTER OF HORRO SUFFERING TORMENT HAS JUST BEGUN THEY THESE DEMONS WILL TAKE THEM TO THE SECTION OF WHOM COMMITTED SUICIED AND WILL JOIN EVEROTHER SOUL WHERE THEY WILL BE TOURTORE AND OUT IN BIF PIT OF FIRE WHERE YOU WILL. BE TORMENTED BY THE SAME DEMONS THAT GIT INTO YOUR MIND THAT MADE YOU TAKE UR OWN LIFE …HE WILL LAUGH AT YOUR SUFFEREING KNOWING HE JUST DID ITS JOB AND TGE DEVIL IS GOING TO REWARD THEM FOE EVERY SOUL THEY DECIVE AND BEING DESTRUCTION ON THEIR LIFE THEM CIMMITTED DEATH TO HIMSELF IS WHAT SÀTAN PLANE ON MILLIONS OF TO GAIN FOR HIS KIGDOM INTO HELL. ♨️🔚💀👿. 😵😥. ♨️🔚👿 😱……. This is the true reality if what lies hehind succide ….. The utter of horor evil Demoinc demons are after those who are getting evil thoughts of succide /:: The only one who can help you and deliver you from these sprtual Demoinc attacks that want to cause you death …… Is Jesus Christ the ✝…Almighty it Him who can procte your child love one in your family or any one you know that wants to committed suicied …. The bible says bless it is he who call upon the name if the lord Jesus pray to Jesus almighty God ask Him to please procte your family from from all evil cast and destroy this demoin evil sprit that is taking over my love deliver me love Procted them with you blood you shed on the cross if clavry to save us from our sins I plead your holy blood to procte and block every Demoinc evil thought from coming into my loves life for greater is He ( your lord Jesus ) that us in me then he that is in the world .. The devil ….. That was defeated at the cross of clavry ……. I belive and depend on you Jesus Chisrt my God ….. Amen … You freind have to repent and give ur life to Jesus stop living in sin … So God can answer your prayer with all your heart and soul God dose not answer prayers to those who are living in sin …… Once you dine that get yourself a bible and look up Pslam 91::::verse 1…. Though 16 ……)… It's a long verse about Gods proctetion against evil and death God loves come to Jesus he loves you and dose not want to commit suicied Let Him save you from these Demoinc attacks Gods enemy the devil has inplanted in your mind ur thoughts voices you hear …. Call upon Jesus help Me I need you save me please My lordcGod I plead you holy blood over my thoughts over my minds procte me Jesus my Lord God and have faith in him all ways pray to him when you want he us there for u at all times .. He is our only friend …. In this world ……….

  • 90sbaby 00skid says:

    I’m from a crap hole town in the north of England I work six days a week I’m 24 living at home with no savings. I hate the thought of doing this to my mum, I’m an only child. I just can’t deal with this dull pointless life. I don’t think people in my social class get happy endings, I can’t stand the thought of been in my 40s and still living on the same council estate I was born on.

  • AshleyJustin Bird says:

    Do not fall for satans lies! Do not kill yourself! Jesus Christ loves you! IF you seek Him you WILL find Him. You think by killing yourself you will be escaping earthy sorrows, but in reality m, the moment you die, you will descend into hell which is a place of torment and anguish for ETERNITY! Repent of your sins and follow Jesus Christ! Submit to Christ Jesus and His will and be healed!

  • Bella asdfghjkllkjkjhhfdut says:

    My life sucks so I understand being sad at times but sometimes I cry for no apparent reason, I just have the wave of sadness wash over me so I cry till I come to my sense and stop. As a kid a child from my school died and I being a 6th grader was balling my eyes out because she was 6 years old and killed in q crash. The school called my parents saying they were worried I was crying (I was not the only one). My mom told them she wasnt worried because I had more compassion than most. Which is true, and at times I absolutely hate it because it just adds to my never ending sad. I want to be normal and be able to have compassion but not let it eat away at me for the next two years. But I cant and that's what in chasingafter. I dont want to care as much as I do.

  • ishfaqfitness freak gymgym nanoo says:

    wtf sucide is getting out of hand and no body still cares and still not much support for it in uk !!! also for crappy austisum sorry I have it 😑😑😑💪

  • Windwar attack says:

    I cant believe that Youtube put up a warning on this video that I had to click on to just watch this story…unbelievable condescending hypocrites

  • Do you know what happens to children when they are raised on lies and illusions and don't conform ?

    Since the invention of television and liarsvision suicide rates skyrocket because some children can't handle all the lies and illusions.

    They don't see the psychogical warfare on children….

    They see psychogical warfare as entertainment…

    I can easily tell you what the prolonged exposure to lies and illusions to children who are obsessed with truth ..

    They are opposite the pathelogical liars,…

    Some Children actually figure out a life of desception….

    Some children see the lies and illusions for what they are doing….

    And nobody believes them ..
    Nobody protects the children from the crowns psychogical warfare…

    Television and 24 hours of Liarsvision….

    How many lies and illusions must a child endure till they become fools or liars or Psychopaths?
    Or just burn out….

    England crown of desception ruling in lies and illusions like a twisted wizard of Oz…

    The crown said rule them in lies and illusions with liarsvision on television…

    Raising children on lies and illusions and never question media's….

    How about that….

  • Kind a weird three boys are dead and left with two girls she have are still alive, that is unusual to be all the brothers instead of one, but the sisters I was glad they never had suicides.

  • Defiant Seagull says:

    6:06 – " Sometimes you can see people and they`re smiling and laughing and everything is okay and you`ll get that dreaded phone call the next day.It`s just a shock. Where did that come from " ? – it`s called a – smiling depression ! The fact that a person is smiling, doesn`t mean shit ! It doesn`t mean that everything is okay ! On the contrary, it means that the person is going through pain and suffering, in other words – through hell, but at the same time is doing his best to conceal his pain from others, by wearing a " smiling mask".

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