How To Deal With A Break Up – Get Instant Relief!

How To Deal With A Break Up – Get Instant Relief!


hello my name is noah elkrief and in this video i’m going to talk about how to deal with a breakup more specifically I’m going to explain why the other person broke up with you or cheated on you and this explanation is going to make you feel a lot better probably okay so when someone breaks up with us or they cheated on us we automatically assume something is wrong with me something is not good enough about me right and that creates a feeling of hurt and it creates anger towards them they did something wrong so there is some truth to that but not the truth that you think it is okay so in order to see why they broke up with you or why they cheated on you you first need to clearly understand why you are in the relationship why you entered into the relationship in the first place and why you stayed in the relationship and the simple answer is because you believed it would make you happy so take a moment now and just look for yourself what do you want most in life what do you want more than anything else what is the number one most important thing to you in life and you may come up with different answers like success wealth love marriage relationship something like that but now let me ask you a follow-up question how do you hope to feel when you get what you want well you hope that it will make you feel happy hole sufficient right the truth is is that the most important thing to you what you want more than anything else is just peace and happiness to not suffer from anxiety insecurities worry anger resentment all that sort of stuff you just want to live in peace that’s it and you have all different ideas about what will bring you peace so you may think what I want most is a relationship marriage kids whatever but that is not what you want most that is the means to get you what you want for example you may think you really want ice cream in a given moment you don’t want ice cream you want the feeling you hope ice cream will give you pleasure but you think you want the ice cream but you really just want the pleasure if the ice cream didn’t give you pleasure you wouldn’t want it so the same is true with your relationships you enter into a relationship from one purpose only to make you happy that is it look for yourself if I give you two options be in a relationship and be worried and grief fighting insecure all the time or be single and be happy and in peace and feel whole I’m not saying those are your only options I’m just saying if those were your two only options which would you choose well Tunisia choice isn’t it you choose peace and single over suffering in a relationship that proves that what you really want is peace not a relationship relationship is the means okay so now that you see you entered into a relationship to make you happy basically you had a job opening I am looking for the one to make me happy that’s what you’re doing it may seem it may seem a little harsh but it’s the truth you entered into a relationship looking for someone some candidate to fill the job opening for the one to make meaning happy and if they fail if they don’t make you happy you would fire them dismiss them break up with them wouldn’t you if you’re entering into a relationship to make you happy and it makes you less happy it makes you unhappy of course you get rid of them they’re in your life for one purpose to make you happy and you may have an idea no I’m in the relationship I just want to make them happy but if you look closely at that you really just want to make them happy so that they will love you so that you can feel yay I am lovable I am worthy you see when you believe somebody else loves you it gives you proof evidence something that I am okay I am worthy I am likeable I am lovable so you think that you’re trying to make them happy but you’re only trying to make them happy to make you happy that is it so just look at that in the relationship you really just wanted to make yourself happy that’s why you are in it that’s why you hired this other person to make you happy and if they don’t fulfill the role right if they don’t satisfy the job description the one to make me happy you fire them so now look did they meet the requirements of the job description the one to make me happy when you were in the relationship did you not have worries about whether they loved you did you not have judgments about them did you not have anxiety about the future did you not have judgments and arguments did you not still have insecurities about your personality your looks your job did you not still have anxiety and issues in your work did you not still have sadness disappointment everything else that you started with before you enter the relationship of course you did of course you had all this suffering while you are in the relationship it didn’t give you peace contentment satisfaction freedom or any of that stuff what it gave you is moments of pleasure moments of suffering and just a general broad sense of lack in between right just look yes there was moments of pleasure you had so much fun together but then you went right back to the thoughts that create your anxiety worry shame all that other stuff right so what happens is when you’re in a relationship you get some positive thoughts out of it it means I’m worthy it means I’m lovable it means my life isn’t missing something because at least I’m not single or it gives you excitement which most people refer to as love right excitement about the future I finally found the one to make me happy but that’s not a love that’s a thought about the future and it gives you distraction from your thoughts when you’re entertained then your attention isn’t on your thoughts so you’re happy but if the other person actually was making you happy factually then in any moment that you are with them you would have no choice but to be happy but yet that’s not the case is it in some moments when you’re with them you’re happy in some moments when you’re with them you’re not it depends on what thoughts are in your hand so now here’s the killer question the number one most important question can a significant other can another person delete the thoughts in your head in other words can another human being make you peaceful and happy you see when we ask the question what can make me happy we look at happiness it’s like it’s something given to us like it’s a layer if I just find the right sweater to put on then I’ll be happy if I just find the right person the right something it will give me a happiness as if happiness is external but we need to reverse the question what makes me unhappy and that is very simply thoughts thoughts create worries about others opinions lots green anxiety about the future thoughts greed anger is in disappointment sadness insecurity shame and everything in between jealousy envy you name it it’s all thoughts so when you’re asking can another human being make me happy what you’re really asking is can another human being delete all the thoughts in my head or even any of them breath no I can’t if you believe a thought that says my life is insufficient because I’m single then if you enter a relationship yes you’ll lose that thought but now you’ll have new thoughts that worry about losing them that worry about whether they still love you that worry about if they’re with somebody else it’s not like being in a relationship can give you the happiness and peace that you want do you see that it’s very important to see that so now back to the main question why did they break up with you why did they cheat on you well you entered the relationship to make you happy they were a tool to make you happy they were filling the job opening to make you happy and every human being is the same in that way but at least every human being I have come into contact with which is a decent amount by this time so why did they enter the relationship to make themselves happy that is all that’s why they entered into it to make themselves happy so why would they leave why would they cheat there’s only one reason and that is they are not happy or at peace they are not if they were they wouldn’t leave if they were they wouldn’t cheat right so you think oh no that means I’m not good enough I couldn’t make them happy and that is true you couldn’t make them happy but neither can any human being you think there’s something insufficient about wrong about you lacking about you that you couldn’t fulfill then make them happy nobody can make somebody else happy because nobody can delete the thoughts in someone’s head you see we think that the job of a partner the job of a boyfriend a girlfriend no husband or wife is to make the other person happy and if you fail at that you are insufficient wrong something right but that’s not true it is not it is a job that’s doomed for failure if someone enters into a relationship right with you hoping that you can make them happy you are doomed for failure you will never succeed at that ever how could you all you can do is give them a nice distraction give them some fun but they’re still going to go right back to all their other thoughts their insecurities their shame their lack their problems at their job all their judgments about you because you’re not going to match every definition of perfect they have in their head there will always be things that they think is wrong and even if you were perfect in every way according to them and even if you were made them so unbelievably happy when you were together then they’re going to have bigger anxiety about losing you bigger worries about whether you’re cheating bigger worries about everything it in regards to the relationship right which means they aren’t happy which means they need escape they need to escape their thoughts right so most people if they’re in a relationship and they are not at peace they assume something is wrong with the relationship they’re not good enough at sex they’re not good enough and talking to me they don’t appreciate enough they don’t love me enough they don’t respect me enough they don’t they’re not fun enough they’re not something enough they just assume that they’re not happy because something is insufficient about the other person something is not the right fit something is wrong so we go from guy to guy girl to girl hoping the next one will be the right one to make me happy we it’s really a joke we never realized wait I’m not addressing the thoughts in my head I am looking to another human being to delete my own thoughts and I’m not even willing to look at so why did they leave you cause you couldn’t delete the thoughts in their head you couldn’t eliminate all the thoughts that make them unhappy and nobody can nobody can that is impossible so if they cheat on you with somebody else you think oh it must be because they’re better more beautiful more something but they cheat on you for one simple purpose they have this ideological belief which says that will make me happy being with somebody else will make me happy this person can’t make me happy I need to go to somebody else as sure this person can’t make you happy but eventually you have to recognize nobody can so they left you because you were not good enough to make them happy yes it’s true but nobody’s good enough to make them happy nobody is good enough to make you happy if you’re really honest about the relationship you’ll see they didn’t give you peace and happiness they give you moments of pleasure but so can watching TV a movie listening to a new song eating ice cream anything can give you moments of pleasure but that is not what you want most what you want is peace freedom the happiness lightness wholeness to feel complete to stop worrying anxiety stress anger sadness all this other stuff that’s what you want not a relationship and that doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship of course you can have a relationship there’s no harm in it whatsoever but if you’re using the relationship to make you happy you’re just going to fail and you’re going to end up getting angry at the other person or thinking something is wrong with you because it doesn’t work ever you can be happy in a relationship you just can’t go to a relationship and succeed in making you happy from the relationship right because it can’t delete the thought in your head so how to deal with the break-up discover that it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you discover that the relationship never really gave you what you wanted so I hope that helps and I’ll see you on the next video bye hello again if you found my video helpful or you enjoyed it I welcome you to click on one of the videos below as you might find them helpful as well or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again you can click the subscribe button over there and if you want my free ebook you’re welcome to click the free ebook button over there so thanks again for watching and I’ll see you around bye

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100 thoughts on “How To Deal With A Break Up – Get Instant Relief!”

  • Abhishek Deshpande says:

    What if I cheated on my girlfriend and want her back . I accept my mistake and now she dont want to be with me

  • Do you really believe that a relationship is only about fulfilling your own desire to be happy? The whole reason that things make us happy is because we like them. The whole reason that a break up is hard is because you find someone that you seriously think could be a good partner for you and vice versa, but then shit goes horribly wrong. It was such a great and beautiful connection that is suddenly shattered and your heart is stepped on with cleats.

  • Alessandro Tucciarone says:

    I just broke up with my girl friend today and watching this video made me so much better, you changed my thought process and how i should be doing this. You have some wise words Naoh and i wish to follow them for the future. Thank you 🙂

  • Michael Leite says:

    So he ruins any happy thoughts about a relationship.. every single thing we think is good he says that it's really not this or that… I don't get it look sometimes our relationship is just good that's it we truly love the person ok everything is not about us to be happy… he makes it seem like we can't just love somebody or be happy in a relationship.. I don't like all his speeches

  • Rodrigo Osorio says:

    Thanks man, I am going through a breakup. Really sad… But your words make sense. I am going to work on myself. Thanks for uploading this.

  • Mr. Suds Doctor says:

    you nailed it~ and this is exactly what I was thinking about my ex. I felt like it was a job and I was fired. This helped me so much Thank you forever.

  • Thank you i can finally stop searching for answers and thinking how i wasn't worthy of her because of my mistakes and how i regret all my mistakes..

  • Ragnar Lothbrok says:

    thank you, you were very helpful, ur right all I wanted was happiness, she left me not because there's something wrong but because she's looking for someone to make her happy and with this attitude of her's I don't think they'll ever be a person who would make her happy. you are right. thank you

  • Lore Labastida says:

    I'm not enough for him 🙁 After 4 years of relationship. he doesn't love me anymore, But I still love him.

  • Shuichi Saihara says:

    Yesterday my gf suddenly broke up with me for someone else. She was the one who confessed to me and I accepted. She actually confessed to me a week after I broke up with my other ex but I decided to give it a try. It was all good and stuff until she stopped talking to me for one week. (I was worried about her a lot.) After I went to this one show I really liked and I came back home I saw she messaged me I felt like the most happy person ever. It was really late and I said, “let’s talk tomorrow” I felt the breakup coming when she said that she had met someone but I tried to be positive. Then the next day I said “continue” and she said “I’ve met someone else” “we need to break up” and I was shattered. She said sorry but after a while of thinking I was getting angry so I was like “was my love that f*cking worthless to you” and she just said “does it look like I care?” And I said “no” then she said “exactly”. After a while of talking she showed me a picture of her and her new partner and it was literally depression fuel. I felt like I was used as a play thing while she searched for her loved one. It felt like everything was a lie. I actually considered never dating anymore before she confessed to me.

    And now here I am crying my eyes out again. But this video did help, it was amazing and I’ll definitely watch more of your videos, thank you a lot

    (*realises how large this comment is* oops-)

  • Makes sense, nicely put, I just realized that even in my broken heart despair, I’m happy deep down inside 😃 and always have been and that is recomforting to of found out!

  • Thank you for the video it helped me sleep cause my ex of 8 years broke up with me and I'm hurting so bad that I feel like I'm hanging on the edge I feel so lost.

  • Today i broke up with my girlfriend. She doesnt want to accept it and we meet tomorrow and ill have to explain why i broke up with her…i just want it to be finished and never meet her again

  • Wait a minuteee it just made sense after a day 😄honestly while watching I was saying yeaa yeaa I already know all of it but still I am sad.. but no I didnt , even if I did, I still needed to hear that it is true; I just miss the pleasurable moments not him. I don’t want that as a whole package na-ahh 😄thanks , really.. I will go watch the rest of your videos🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • Aye I am deeply hurt… I was with my girlfriend for 2 years. I was at the movies with me and my friends and coincidentally I seen her and she was with some boy and they were holding hands. At that moment, I wanted to break down man but I didn’t want to seem like a “bitch” infront of everybody and my friends feel me? I just need somebody to talk to because I’m beyond hurt.

  • Try 25 years in a Marriage…where we had everything and shared everything together…Sex sucked but the rest of the relationship was good…but still she left me…and now at 63 and retired alone, I miss the companionship…she left to live in Mexico in our dream house…and I'm stuck in the North US to face the coming winter when I was planning on being in my home in Mexico…NOT…Pain and suffering… which has lasted a long time 6 months so far…with no sign of relief…it seems I will just get older now…very quickly…I must look after myself and say screw her…even though I'm still in love with her and care about her…that's always been my choice and the case for the 25 years…and that is what causes the pain..that it is not reciprocated…I have everything but no one to share my 1/2 with. She took the other have…LOL

  • I was with this one guy for probably about 4 to 5 months. I noticed that something was wrong and the next thing I know is that he dumped me..

  • My girlfriend just broke up with me tonight. She says that she has to think stuff through, but she’s still wanting to date me and love me etc. I loved her. And I was happy while I was dating her. But I’m also happy being single where I’m less likely to overthink etc.

  • If it’s impossible for me to make my partner happy, why would they ever stay with me? Are you supposed to realize that no one can make you happy so you have to just “settle”? Please tell me what you think, Noah.

  • deeptendu chandra says:

    I know it is years late but i have 2 questions: 1. Since even if everything someone does/does not male us happy, what should happiness in a relationship mean? 2. Is there a right way to know if I'm choosing someone just to fulfill some void in me or they are more than just a filler and an enriching person?

  • Genevieve Del Valle says:

    Noah your words are amazing and you have helped me soo much I wish I could talk to you in person. Such healing words

  • Kim Composerson says:

    ok 2 videos of intense listening to you talking helped alot. I'm probably getting ready to get that woman out of my mind that made me feel bad about myself. My only regret is I said alot of mean things afterwards, which I bet ALOT of people do. But who cares? What's the point of having a relationship anyways? What's the point of even having children, a family or anything? None of that really matters. True happiness comes from within.

  • my ex break up and still hanging on me.still wanna be my freind. But I don't want it because he already engaged to other women. Why he want hurt me and don't want me to be happy. we been for 6 year now is over. he gonna married other women. they only in relationship not even one year.I hate him so much becos he hurt me and cheated. Keep lying all the time

  • 真的非常感谢,你的视频不仅仅对解决眼前的问题(失恋)非常有帮助,而且更能带来新的思考。I am really grateful.

  • Naelyan Winters says:

    I ended a long relationship with my wife, not because I didn't love her but because we in my opinion didn't fit, we were more abbrasive to each other than loving and in a world of constant issues and conflict, I began to feel as if our relationship was just another issue on the list of issues to deal with, rather than to revel in.

  • I learned my lesson in a hard way and yes I might get into relationship again but no more attachments . I just want to enjoy life is too damn short so if they say i am leaving you tomorrow i say can you leave today because my time is more important than you

  • I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago. It was pretty hard for me at the beginning. I even wanted to give him another chance but soon enough I realised that neither of us would be happy if we continue to be together because there will always be something missing. Love is like food, when it's rotted you better throw it away. You'd rather miss the taste of it in the coming days than put up with it which will definitely make you sick.

  • vivan chakravarty says:

    Thanx Noah sir it's very helpful watching such videos but it's really so hard to o manage the whole day and especially night.she was my oxygen but I was wrong .We should be happy even when we are alone as if we are complete and don't need anyone to stimulate such feelings.

  • I have a child with my ex and it's even worse… not that others situations are important because they are ofc everyone is. But omg seeing my son looking like his dad hurts me everyday and I can't even sleep and it's horrible. I'm so scared.

  • Harshil Rathi says:

    Hello sir… I am from India… And it's a pleasure to c how u communicate with the invisible audience.. I want to be a part of ur team.. Because I feel if we can help sm1 even 1% to come out of problems then it's a blessing… I am all the tym trying to make other person happy bcz i feel that person will feel good about themselves… But eventually end up with something not acceptable… I just want to be a part of ur work..

  • If no one can make us truly happy, how do we evaluate if we are with the right person? I broke up recently because my boyfriend lost his love for me. I have been trying to tell myself that it's okay because I wasn't completely happy in the relationship. But if no one can make me completely happy, then that logic doesn't make sense anymore. Maybe he was the right guy for me and I should have put in more effort to bring his love back.

  • Everything this person says is so true n i know it, but that doesn't mean we're not hurting at this time. I also know that my now ex wife of 12 years isn't happy with herself and that is why she cheated on me n left me for that person. Because he makes her happy right now but maybe not tomorrow. Oh well the damage is done n now i have to find a way to be happy with myself and learn to love myself first.

  • My boyfriend broke up with me the day before his birthday, we'd been together for almost two years and were very happy just being in each other's company, he broke up with me while walking down the hall to my next class without giving me a reason. I asked him the day after why he broke up with me and he literally said that he was tired of other people asking if we were together, I told him that he could've told me that and at this point most people wouldn't ask at this point, he said he "didn't want to hurt my feelings" apologized and walked away. I did cut the first two days, I had given him my whole heart and I regret doing so. But I feel a lot better now, so thank you!

  • Valerie Smiley Jackson says:

    Hi Guys I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of Dr Zulu.

    I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to Dr Zulu who told me that my ex will come back in 2days,i was skeptical but to my greatest surprise we are finally together.

    If you want your ex back and your relationship restored make haste to contact Dr Zulu now.
    Here is his WhatsApp number: +1(509)-315-1753. He works very fast.

  • I'm very hurt now.We were so inlove with each other until one day he suddenly changed!He said my immaturity and naivety is the problem but i just showed my way of caring for him.We had a big age difference.He really dislike me when i burp but i didn't have an idea that its a bad manner in their culture.I told him i can change and i can be matured but he just ignored me.I still love him, it hurts me so much..but i cant do nothing except to cry most of the days.😭

  • I just discovered your channel and I actually ordered one of your books off of Amazon. I've listened to a lot of advice concerning relationships but deep down I know what you speak of is the truth. Thank you for helping me and many others feel better.

  • I have Asperger's autism, type 1 diabetes and severe depression. My ex and I where together for over 3 years and engaged, we had plans to save up and move into our own home together. She also has anxiety issues and doubted her abilities but I helped push her go for her dream by paying for her university. After a year apart with her at uni she started distancing herself from me so I asked her if she was ok and she said yes and that she was just busy. Found out she was having an affair with someone at the same uni as her and she blocked me and changed her relationship status to her new man right before my birthday. I have been so close to ending it all because the person I thought I knew and loved did something so out of character that it literally made me break. Having to stay with family to watch over me now until I feel safe enough to be alone again so ye…. Breakups can be some of the harshest brutal points in your life. Hoping things will turn around for me

  • Relationship is not like job and material, it's an effort, compromise, developing understanding with effort, standing by each other and respect. It is not about just pleasure. The notion of pleasure in relationship is wrong. Our parents have arrange marriage but they made their life successful.

  • Honestly I don't want a relationship to be happy. No one is responsible for my happiness but me. I want a relationship so I have someone I love to share moments with and learn things with.

  • Today I ended a 4 years relationship, cut ties with people I thought were my friends and I'm lost and alone. My ex boyfriend was my best friend and now we can't be friends anymore. I am so sad, feeling so lonely and want to be back with him so badly, but I know if we date again, we will fail again

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