Honest Trailers – Twilight 4: Breaking Dawn

Honest Trailers – Twilight 4: Breaking Dawn

Prepare for the final installment of the Twilight
franchise that tweens and lonely moms have been waiting
for, and that dads could not care less about Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Parts 1 & 2) The tedious book that was turned into two
bloated movies just to squeeze more money from gullible women. Featuring the wedding that attempts to justify
the franchise’s creepy pedophilia. Because remember, he’s like a hundred years
old and she’s still a teenager. And the honeymoon where Mouth Breather and
Shovel Face finally have sex… only to immediately get pregnant. “I’m late.” Prompting the pro-life message that abortion
is never okay… “The fetus isn’t good for Bella.” “Say the word, Alice: ‘baby’.” even when a monster vampire baby tries to
eat itself out of its mother’s womb. “Ahhhhhh!” And creating an awful new baby name for an
entire generation of Teen Moms. “Renesmee.” “Renesmee.” “Is he weird?” Witness, Teen Wolf finally getting over Dead
Eyes by instead falling in love with her creepy CGI baby. “So should I start calling you dad?” “No.” Gross. But when Mouthbreather nearly dies during
childbirth, Shovel Face must transform her from a human who can’t
act… “Why can’t you see how perfectly happy I am?” to a vampire who can’t act. “You nicknamed my daughter after the Lochness
monster!?” Honestly, even the movie had to teach her
how to act human. “Blink at least three times a minute.” “Good.” Brace yourself, for two movies so unnecessarily
long, that they include five Volvo commercials two montages of the previous Twilight movies four games of chess and the most stares ever. Like seriously, ever… we counted. Suffer through four hours of painfully stupid
characters, like this pack of dogs who bark English The Cullens, who spend every movie standing
around watching people A grandfather who doesn’t notice that his
own grandaughter has aged eight years over the course of a few months. And Kristen Stewart, and her inability to
use toothpaste. Filmmaking so lazy that vampires no longer
sparkle even in direct sunlight Sex ed is done through Yahoo searches And the ultimate climax of all five movies… …was all a dream. “That’s your future.” …what a ripoff. Starring… Shovel Face Skeletor Taylor Swift Ron Burgundy North Dakota and Snow Dogs. Twilight: Breaking Dawn So he’s gonna have to live with Kristen
Stewart forever? I’d rather get my head ripped off. Hey, why not do us a solid and revisit all
4 Twilight trailers. I’ll be your best friend!


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