Gutfeld: For Trump-obsessed media, it’s all bad all the time

Gutfeld: For Trump-obsessed media, it’s all bad all the time


NOW, IN REAL LIFE YOU CAN HAVE THE BEST OF TIMES AND WORST AT TIMES BUT UNDER THE TRUMP OF THIS MEDIA IT’S ALL BAD ALL THE TIME. THINGS ARE PRETTY GOOD WHEN THE TOP STORYLINE GETS TROTTED OUT.>>PRESIDENT TRUMP ISOLATED GOING MORE FURIOUS BY THE DAY. HIS MOOD DARK AND ANGRY.>>THE PRESIDENT IS LASHING OUT ON THE MUELLER PROBE.>>HE WAS IN A FOUL MOOD.>>HIS DATA MINE IS THE WORST IT’S BEEN SINCE THE CAMPAIGN AND THERE IS A NEAR UNIVERSAL SENSE OF FOREBODING. GREG: A UNIVERSAL SENSE OF FOREBODING. THAT’S HOW I FEEL AFTER EATING TACO BELL. [LAUGHTER] BUT TRUMP IS MAD AND SO MAD THAT MAYBE HE WILL STAGE A COUP.>>IN EACH SEDIMENT HE DOES RUN AND HE DOES LOSE IT WILL BE STUDYING WHAT WE WOULD SEE I’M NOT LEAVING CALL THE MILITARY. WE HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS MAN. GREG: I’M LOOKING AT THAT MAN. FROM THAT, MSNBC EIGHT HIM IN A LAB CHICKEN BUTTER IN BOTOX PASTE. NOW THAT THE APOCALYPSE HAS BEEN POSTPONED TO A BRUNCH WE MUST MAKE DO WITH THE OLD CHESTNUT, TRANS UNSTABLE. WITH SOME NETWORK STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW THAT OF HIS WHAT ARE YOU LEFT WITH? THEM. THE EMPTY TALKERS AND THE NOISEMAKERS IN SUITS. JAW CLACKING DOLLS WITH BROKEN TUMMY TALKS AND BROKEN HINGES. EVEN AS THE NEWS LOOKS GOOD FOR AMERICA HE SCORED A HIGH PARTISAN WIN ON PRISON REFORM AND EVEN — AGREES.>>THE 99 TIMES I DON’T AGREE I’LL GIVE HIM HELL BUT ON THIS ONE I WILL GIVE HIM A SALUTE AND APPLAUSE. WE GOT TO COME TOGETHER TO PEOPLE AT THE BOTTOM. GREG: WHY THE MASS PRESS ODS HE WANTED TO START OF PARK FOR MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.’S. HOW CAN THAT BE?>>THE PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES IS RACIST. GREG: WELL, IF HE’S A RACIST HE’S REALLY BAD AT IT. TRUMP, THE WORLD’S WORST RACIST. THAT’S A GREAT IDEA FOR A COFFEE MUG. WORLD’S WORST RACIST. [APPLAUSE] ALSO MISSED THERE WAS THE MEDAL OF FREEDOM HONORS, GEORGE HERMA HERMAN, BABE RUTH JUNIOR.>>GEORGE HERMAN BABE RUTH JUNIOR THAT HE WAS A JUNIOR. GREG: I JUST LOVE THAT. THEN YOU HAVE TRUMPS ARCH HEMORRHOID STIMULUS CHASING CHUCKLE BUCKET — THIS IS NOT FUNNY BUT BUSTED ON SUSPICIOUS OF STRIKING WOMEN ALLEGEDLY BUT OF COURSE THE CAT IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY AND THAT’S WHAT GOOD PEOPLE BELIEVE IN EVEN IF PEOPLE LIKE HIM DO NOT. HE COULD BE INNOCENT, AS INNOCENT AS BRETT KAVANAUGH WAS WHEN AVENATTI WAS TORMENTING HIM. I JUST HOPE THE MEDIA DOES SOUL-SEARCHING AFTER BOOKING THIS CLOWN. THE MEDIA SOUL-SEARCHING THAT LIKE LOOKING FOR BIGFOOT. [LAUGHTER] IS NOT SO LONG AGO AVENATTI WAS THERE DARLING. CNN AND MS IN BC WERE A JUNKIE TO TRUMP CRACK. THE MEDIA THAT LOVES YOU TO PRETEND YOU NEVER DATA. IT MIGHT BACK STREET BOYS PAJAMAS. ABBOTT AND I NEVER OWN THEM BUT FOR YEARS I WEAR THEM UNDER MY SCHOOL UNIFORM WHICH LEADS ME TO A NEW HUGE LANDMARK STUDY ON MEDIA TRUST. THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER SURVEYED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ON WHO’S THE MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS. I DON’T WANT TO SAY THE SURPRISING ANGER WHO BLEW AWAY THE COMPETITION SO WE WILL JUST THROW TO THE CITY OF.>>IN 2018 A LANDMARK POLL SURVEYED AMERICANS TO DETERMINE THE MOST TRUSTED NEWS MEDIA PERSONALITY. THE RESULTS ARE IN AND ONE OF THE MOST TRUSTED NAMES IN NEWS IS NONE OTHER THAN GREG GUTFELD. JUST ANOTHER [INAUDIBLE] HE BESTED THE MOST ESTABLISHED INDUSTRY INSIDERS. OTHERS WERE BAYLOR ABLE TO COME OUT AHEAD OF GREG GUTFELD. IT’S CLEAR THE REAL WINNER IS YOU, AMERICA. YOU GET TO WATCH MOST TRUSTWORTHY CHARISMATIC AND HANDSOME NEWS MEDIA PROFESSIONAL SIX DAYS A WEEK. JOIN US IN CELEBRATING TELEVISION’S MOST PROLIFIC BROADCASTER, GREG GUTFELD. [APPLAUSE] GREG: THANK YOU. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NO, STOP IT. SCARBOROUGH, DEAD LAST, MAYBE HE SHOULD OF STUCK TO WHATEVER HE WAS DOING BEFORE TV.>>WHEN WE GET THE CHECKS? GREG: I ALMOST BEAT GENTLEMEN AND CHRIS CUOMO.>>SOBEY SENSITIVE. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.>>I’M SORRY. GREG: SOMEBODY LOOK LIKE HE BETTER GET AFTER IT. LIKE I ALWAYS SAY WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU GENTLEMEN GO WATCH GREG GUTFELD. I ALSO BESTED RACHEL MADDOW. HOW CAN THAT BE, RACHEL?>>I USUALLY HAVE SO MANY WORDS AND I HAVE THE BEST WORDS BUT FOR THIS I HAVE NO WORDS. DID THIS FIERCELY JUST HAPPENED. [LAUGHTER] GREG: TO QUOTE RACHEL — BUT EVEN I HAVE TO ADMIT THIS IS WEIRD. SOMETHING WRONG WHEN I MORE TRUSTED THAN WHAT WAS HER. HOW CAN THAT BE? HE’S BORING WHICH MAKES HIM INSTANTLY TRUSTWORTHY AND I’M FLATTERED BY THIS BUT TERRIFIED. ME TRUSTED BY YOU? I DON’T EVEN TRUST MYSELF. I WON’T EVEN BE ALONE WITH ME. BUT HERE’S THE REAL PROBLEM. THE LIST HAD MIXED COMMENTATORS WITH REPORTERS WHICH IS STUPID. FNC HAS BOTH BUT WE CLEARLY LABEL WHAT’S WHAT. OTHER NETWORKS ARE THE SQUARE WHICH IS WHY SOME OF THE PEOPLE MISTAKE OPINION FOR A FACT WHICH LEAD TO BIG NEWS. NO WONDER PEOPLE THINK TRUMP IS CRAZY OR INSANE BECAUSE IT’S AN OPINION COMING FROM THEIR NEW SOURCES AND THAT IS NOT HEALTHY IF WE ONLY HAD SOMETHING FOR THAT.>>I’M NOT LEAVING. CALL THE MILITARY. TRUMP WILL ENGINEER A COUP. HE WILL ROUND UP FAMILIES AND SEPARATE CHILDREN. HE WILL IMPRISON WOMEN AND TURN THEM INTO BABYMAKING FAMILIES.>>WHERE DID YOU COME UP AT THIS?>>WATCHING TV AND TALKING TO MY FRIENDS.>>SOUND LIKE YOU NEED NEW FRIENDS BACK TELL ME MORE.>>NEW FRIENDS IS NOT A DRUG BUT A GROUP OF PEOPLE PRESENT A DIFFERENT SET OF OPINIONS THE MORE CLEARLY REFLECT REALITY.>>SOUNDS GREAT. WHERE DO I START?>>FIRST, GO OUTSIDE. THEN GO TO A HARDWARE STORE. OR MAYBE A GROCERY STORE OR LOCAL CHURCH. NO PLAYGROUNDS. THEN INITIATE CONVERSATION WITHOUT MENTIONING POLITICS. DO YOU HAVE NEIGHBORS? TALK TO THEM ABOUT THE WEATHER, SPORTS OR THEIR PETS. THEY LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR PETS. DO THEY LIKE YOU?>>YES. WELL, NO.>>I NEVER THOUGHT OF RINGING OVER A BOTTLE OF WINE.>>NEW FRIENDS IS A GREAT WAY FROM YOU GOING DOWN BUT RABBIT HOLE. GET NEW FRIENDS TODAY. GREG: LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUEST, PUBLISHERS GROVEL WHEN YOU WRITE A NEW NOVEL, WALTER KERN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] HE’S A COMEDIAN BY NIGHT AND A GUY IN HIS UNDERWEAR BY DAY, WRITER AND COMEDIAN JOE DEVITO. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] SHE’S MURKY, QUIRKY AND NATIONAL REVIEW REPORTER KAT TIMPF. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] HIS STATURE IS ICONIC AND HIS DINNER PLATE TECTONIC, FORMING A WWE IN MY MASSIVE PSYCHIC, TYRUS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] GREG: YOU HAVE BEEN TRAVELING THE COUNTRY AND GIVE US — IS IT AS DARK IS IT AS FOREBODING –>>DOOMING THE MOOD OF THE COUNTRY THE SAME AS TOM’S MOOD? NO. YOU GET OUT THERE AND PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE JOBS IN 17 YEARS ARE LIKE CAN I BUY YOU LUNCH. [LAUGHTER] BUT HERE IS WHAT IS HAPPENING. THEY DID THE PRESIDENTS WITH ROBERT MUELLER CLOSING IN AND NOW THEY MOVED ON TO THE FINAL DAYS WHICH WAS THE NEXT BERNSTEIN BOOK ABOUT NIXON AND PORTRAITS LATE AT NIGHT SO IN THEIR INABILITY TO IMAGINE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A NIXON ALIEN PRESIDENT THEY ARE GOING EVEN FURTHER. GREG: ANY THOUGHTS ON AVENATTI?>>NO. [LAUGHTER] GREG: EXCELLENT.>>THEY SAY HE LOOKS LIKE A CERTAIN MALE ORGAN. I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT. THAT’S MY ONLY THOUGHT. GREG: I NEVER THOUGHT THAT EITHER UNTIL NOW, JOE. YOU ARE NOT THE COUNTRY AND YOU BEEN A SUDDEN.>>YEAH, I’VE BEEN HOLED UP. GREG: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON ANY TOPIC FROM THE MONOLOGUE?>>IF YOU SAW AVENATTI PLANE AND EVIL LAWYER IN THE MOVIE PACINO WOULD SAY THAT’S OVER THE TOP. I LIKE HOW DONNY DEUTSCH SAYS DONALD TRUMP WOULD NOT RESPECT THE RESULTS OF ELECTION BUT WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE? GREG: TRUE. BY THE WAY, I LIKE YOUR BEARD. CAT, WHAT YOU MAKE OF MY WORK? IT WAS NOT AWARD BUT MY RATING AS BEING ONE OF THE MOST TRUSTED MAN IN NEWS. YOU PROBABLY SAW THAT COMING. KAT: I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU HAPPY, GREG. ANYTHING ELSE? GREG: NO. THOUGHTS? KAT: I’M SO GLAD THAT I’M NOT THE PRESIDENT AND THAT I DON’T HAVE EVERYONE IN THE MEDIA ANALYZING MY MENTAL STATE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I WAS JUST LOOKING AT THAT IMAGINING WHAT STORIES THEY SAY ABOUT ME WHEN THEY BE LIKE SHE WAKES UP EVERY MORNING NEXT TO AN OLD BOBBLE HEAD DOLL LIKE SHE MAKES US LISTEN TO RETURN OF MAC ON REBATE DURING NATIONAL SECURITY BRIEFINGS. YOU KNOW, I OWN 23 PAIRS OF PENGUIN SOCKS. WHY DOES SHE KEEP TWEETING ABOUT LIZARDS AT 3:00 A.M. AND WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS BE ALONE? BUT THANKFULLY NOBODY KNOWS ANY OF THOSE THINGS. [LAUGHTER] GREG: NO, NOT AT ALL. WE KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT YOU. [APPLAUSE] TYRUS? ONE THING, YOU MADE AN EXCELLENT POINT THAT STORMIE WAS FAR BETTER BEFORE AVENATTI AND SO THIS IS A GUY WHO RUINED WOMAN’S LIFE. TYRUS: SHE RUINED A PORN WOMAN STAR’S LIFE. THAT TAKES SKILL AND TALENT. THEY HAVE A TOUGH JOB.>>DOESN’T SHE STILL OWED TRUMP MONEY? TYRUS: APPARENTLY YOU WERE OUT ON A MISSION BECAUSE WE COVER THIS A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. WHEN SHE STARTED SHE WAS A DIRECTOR. SHE WAS GOING PLACES BUT SHE WASN’T UNVEILING IN THOSE PLACES BUT MIDDLE-MANAGEMENT. SHE HAD GOT MONEY. SHE SIGNED OR WAS ABLE TO MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE AND THEN HE CAME ALONG AND DRAGGED IT ALL OUT AND HE DID TV SHOWS AND HE GOT FAMOUS AND SHE GOT TWO BILLS. ONE FROM THE PRESIDENT AND ONE FROM THE PANCREAS. [LAUGHTER] AND THEN SHE CAME OUT AND SAID IF THIS IS TRUE, I’M OUT. EVEN IF IT’S NOT TRUE, STORMY, YOU DON’T TAKE ADVICE, GET OUT. GREG: IT’S — GREG: IT’S.– TYRUS: ONE MORE THING. BECAUSE OUR PRESIDENT IS SO TRANSPARENT PRESIDENT IS PIS SED. I LIKE PRESIDENT OBAMA DON’T YOU DARE. BUT I’M PRETTY SURE WHEN HE LOST THE HOUSE AND THE SENATE IT WASN’T CHERRIES AND SMILED IN THE WHITE HOUSE THAT DAY. I’M SURE THERE WAS A LOT OF WHO YOU LOOKING AT WHAT HE WANT ME TO DO. I DON’T THINK IT WAS WELL, HERE WE GO, GATHER AROUND AND LET’S SING SONGS TO ENSURE JOBS ARE FRIEND AND HE’S LIKE — I’M SURE IT WAS AN UNHAPPY TIME. FOR THEM TO SAY HE SO MAD. THEY WANT HIM TO BE MET. HE SHOULD PLAY IT OFF AND SLAMMED THE DOOR AND WALK OUT THE FRONT YARD AND SCREAM WHY AND WALK BACK IN. AND THOUGH STUFF AROUND. LIVE IT UP, YOU KNOW? GREG: WHAT THE IRONY HERE IS THAT DONALD TRUMP TWEETED STORMY DANIELS BETTER THAN MICHAEL AVENATTI DID BECAUSE SHE GOT PAID. HE PAID HER AND IT WAS A TRANSACTION THAT SHE WAS HAPPY WITH.

Author:

100 thoughts on “Gutfeld: For Trump-obsessed media, it’s all bad all the time”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *