So, you have arrived here today
with a toilet roll. Oh, this? Yeah. You can show it if you want.
I’ve got a cold. Um… And what’s really nice is that’s the used toilet roll
stuffed down the middle. That’s disgusting.
So that’s good, though… Can I have a blowing-my-nose break?
Yeah, go for it. Thank you. SHE BLOWS HER NOSE LOUDLY Why have you gone ahead
with this today? I’ve already cancelled
one thing this weekend and I didn’t want to cancel
another one. And… Sorry, because I desperately wanted
to see you. That means nothing. SHE LAUGHS It’s like the third thing
you offered up as a reason. SHE COUGHS OK. So, Rachel… Yes. Are you, like, a serial dater or are
you, like, a relationship person? There were years where
I was quite a serial dater… Well, not a serial dater,
just single. Right. I thought of myself as… A loner. A loser. A loser. Yeah,
I know what you’re talking about. You know. Yeah. Just alone. Just alone. Unable to really
connect with anyone, yeah. Yeah. One of the things that would make me
want to split up with my wife… Well, there’s a number of things that would make me want to split up
with her – one is our descent towards a hollow shell
of a relationship… Yeah. But the main one… Yeah.
..would be just to try Tinder, because that’s one of the things that I sort of am sad that I wasn’t
in the game when Tinder was around. I did… The last time I was single,
I did try Tinder for the first time. What happened? I started messaging someone who seemed fine, and then it was
at the point where they were like, “Cool, so shall we meet up?” And for me it was just, clang! And I was like, “Oh, no… Oh, no.
No, no. I don’t want to meet up. “Sorry. I’m going to leave
Tinder tonight.” And I did. Really? Yeah, because I realised… I realised that I was on it
just to sort of pass the time and to feel like
I was putting myself out there, but I didn’t actually want to
meet up with anyone on Tinder. OK, but I think you… What you’ve got to realise is the
impact that you have on the world, because if you look at it
from that point of view, that guy now believes that as a direct result of asking to
meet up with you, you left Tinder. That is what
he’s taken away from that. So you’ve gone, “Oh, I decided I’m
not going to use Tinder any more!” Whereas there’s somebody
that’s spent two weeks crying because not only did
they make someone end the date, they made someone leave
the dating app. That’s horrendous.
For it to not even occur to you… It didn’t even occur to me! ..what
you’ve done to that guy’s life blows my mind. That poor bastard. I do feel bad.
And he’s probably looked… “No, she has left. I thought she was
just saying it but she has left, “and all that was happening was,
she started messaging me “and I replied politely and then I
suggested, because the conversation “was going well, that we should
meet up, and she left Tinder.” I do feel bad now. Yeah, you should! I can’t believe
you haven’t felt bad before today. So, I’m in a show, as you know,
but other people won’t, called Austentatious. Mm-hmm. So, unlike… This is the improvised musical show. It’s not musical but loads of people
think it’s musical. Just improvised? Improvised. With music. See, what’s confusing is we do
have a live musician on stage. Right, so there is music? There is
music, but it’s not a musical… It feels like you’re getting
a bit uppity about something that’s a minor detail. There’s no singing.
There is music in the show… Yes. So the show is musical
and it’s improvised, so what’s your fucking problem? I’m joking. But the main thing about the show
is that it’s a Jane Austen story. Right. And it’s theatrical,
it’s a theatrical comedic show, kind of thing,
as opposed to, like, stand-up, and mid-scene, I was sitting on
a chair in a little pink petticoat and I just felt it,
suddenly just felt it… Got my period. Right. Like, a flow. I get you. And so I was sat there, mid-scene,
everyone watching. So did you think about saying,
“One doth have my floweth of…” No, because I’m not me, I’m in
character and for that character to… Your character’s
not having her period. That character to get their period
would be an incredible coincidence and I think it would veer away
from the story we’re telling, so I pick up my dress
and then run off the stage. Our friend who’s our administrator
is there and she’s like, “Are you all right?” And I said,
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just got my… “I’m bleeding.
Have you got a tampon?” And she’s like, “Oh, my God”, and, thank God, she manages
to find a tampon, so I’m fine. At this point Joe Morpurgo,
who’s in the show, opens the door and goes, “Your mic is still on.” So, 400 people… Oh, my God! ..heard me come offstage, say, “I’m bleeding,
have you got a tampon?” Oh, my God. So did you go back on
and do the rest of the show? Yeah. You have to.
My character was in the story. But couldn’t you have gone like,
“I’m bleeding, I’m dying. “I’m dead… I’m dead. Oh, no.”
You should do the show. Do you think I’d be good at it?
Yeah, that was very good improv, in the moment, thinking what to do.
Thank you very much. And I’m quite musical as well, so
that would help with it. Yeah, yeah.