Fox News Poll Finds 51% in Favor of Impeachment

Fox News Poll Finds 51% in Favor of Impeachment

-Let’s get to the news.
After a new Fox News poll found that 51% of people
are in favor of impeachment, President Trump
attacked the network, saying, “I have never had
a good Fox News poll. Whoever their pollster is,
they suck.” [ Laughter ] I don’t know.
Not according to the poll. [ Laughter ] Two associates of President
Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani were arrested last night
for campaign finance violations. Hmm, well, looking at their
faces, I’m sure this is all just a big understanding. [ Laughter ] According to prosecutors, the
two associates of Rudy Giuliani who were arrested last night had purchased one-way airline
tickets out of the country. But, of course, Giuliani’s
most dangerous associate has his own plane. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] According to CNN fact-checkers, President Trump made
66 false claims last week. Said Trump, “Actually, we didn’t
even have a last week. This is our first one. [ Laughter and applause ]
This is our first week ever, thanks to the Trump
administration.” The Oxford English Dictionary
added several new words this month, including
the phrases “fake news” and “circle jerk,”
which, coincidentally, were both working titles
for the show, “Fox & Friends.” [ Laughter and applause ] A vegan woman claimed
on Reddit this week that she called the police
on her friends after they tricked her
into eating chicken nuggets while she was drunk. But the whole thing sounds
a little suspicious. A vegan with friends? [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] I don’t know. Custom officials in Los Angeles
announced yesterday that they seized over $2 million
worth of counterfeit sneakers from a cargo shipment. Said customers, “You mean
those weren’t real Adudises?” [ Laughter ] According to a new report, nearly 2/3 of birds
in the United States are at risk of extinction
due to climate change. “Don’t worry.
We’re not going anywhere,” said the mangy, one-legged
pigeons of New York. [ Laughter and applause ] We’re going
to live forever, bro.” And finally,
a family in South Carolina recently pulled a package
from the ocean that contained
44 pounds of cocaine, or, as the captain put it,
“Thar’s me blow!”


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