Fake News, Mob Lynchings Aur Vikas | Stand-up Comedy by Punit Pania

Fake News, Mob Lynchings Aur Vikas | Stand-up Comedy by Punit Pania

Have you guys heard that India… is an emerging economy? I have been hearing it since school Now I know that foreplay… is important but how much? How much can one emerge? before actually coming. There is progress in the country but there are no priorities If you give people 4G connections before you give them primary education …and then you ban porn Then you get a country of trolls right? Log pagal ho rahe hain
Sar patak rahe hain apna Dewaar main Kya karu is 4G ka BC? Khatam hi nahi ho raha hai 2 GB Prati Din There is growth in the country
But there is no direction Because in our country The solution to all problems is Let’s build a flyover over it Problem – Flyover Kyonki niche karo na jo karna hai Kaun na bol raha hai? Gareebi Unemployment Drug trafficking
Gaand marao neeche! Photo uar se lega aisa Phir daalega WhatsApp pe Friends, this is not Hong Kong, this is Hinjewadi! Forward hi forward main Vikas ho raha hai yahaan pe You guys would have heard right that half-knowledge is dangerous But WhatsApp knowledge… Fatal! Which is why we should be very careful what we believe in these days My parents used to tell me not to watch WWF They would say it’s fake It’s primitive It incites violence Now, I have to tell them the same about news channels Identifying fake news should be made part of the curriculum in schools It’s that important But then again the same people also write the textbooks also So you can’t escape News in India has gone from being an educated past time to an orgy of content In just a few years from now when we look back at India TV It will look like Black Mirror It’s live horror And, they have sponsors Ye log apne ko muh pe chutiya bana rahe hain Dikha ke, dekh BC Saath main bech rahe hain
Cement Banyan Saliya (Taxpayer ka muh kaala!) Which is why the only way to respond to news now is to be happy Haan aur dikhao! Mast! Like have you guys been following this new scam in the market? Rafael, Rafal, Rabale…? Haan, it’s nice no? I like it! Because for me it came as relief Because in the past four years The complete absence of scams… was disconcerting Ye log kaam bhi nahi kar rahe hain Chori bhi nahi kar rahe hain Kar kya rahe hain? Kya hoga desh ka? Chalo chori hi kar lo chalo Now at least you know where your money is going Itna tax le rahe hain chuddi main haath daal daal ke Kahaan ja raha hai? Now you know Now you know
To kya hai ab aap nischint baith sakte ho Ki theek hai yaar koi baat nahi Hum apna kaam kar rahe hain, woh apna kaam kar rahe hain Unka kaam hai scam karna Apna kaam hai: traffic main phasna Roz do-do ghante Aadmi sadd raha hai highway pe Phir bhi upar dekh ke bol rahaa hai ‘Haan ek din Metro aayega yahaan’ ‘Mera Dil kehta hai aayega…’ Jawaani beet gaya, Metro nahi aaya Emerge ho raha hai… But I still feel scams are important Scams are an important part of nation-building Yes
Theek hia few politicians made money Few industrialists made money… Waise few nahi ek hi hai At least now they can create jobs With all that money may be now they will finally hire A maid… or a fashion designer or a news channel anchor Which is why I am hopeful man. I am really hopeful that India will quickly move up to white-collar crime Because that is the way to be civilized And it will be better than what is happening right now in the country Look at what is a happening right now Riots Mob lynching It’s not nice no Maza nahi aata hai It’s not efficient Par karna padta hai Desh hit ke liye Now I feel some you do not know what mob lynching is which is fine because you have a life But since you’ve come here I should tell you That mob lynching is this new high-tech concept Mob lynching is the crowd-funding of violence There will be an app soon – LynchMyMob Download right now get Rs. 50 cashback on PayTM Do it for your country Ye sab karna padta hai Dictators patronize violence Democracies; outsource it. Badi Badi Emerging Economies Mein Choti Choti Mob Lynchings Hoti Rehti Hain… Don’t feel bad Don’t take it personally…Anjali I feel we just need better branding for ourselves Branding is so important right? If a poor person steals its a crime If a rich person steals, it’s Kleptomania! We must learn from the West, learn from America We call it corruption, they call it Lobbying Apun anpadh hai na BC We call it black money, they call it hedge funds We call it imperialism, they call it democracy Democracy hai na India main? Filhaal to hai …Rangeen hai In India, democracy does not mean that you get equal rights I means everybody gets equal nuisance value The most democratic thing we have been reduced to doing is voting for the contestant of our cast on Indian Idol And have you noticed ye desh main naachna bahut important hai Duniya main, desh main kuch bhi ho jaaye
TV on karo koi na koi naach hi raha hai chutiye ke jaisa! Har channel pe Ghar pe, raste pe, TV pe
Sasta nasha hai na ye Just a few days back I saw this religious procession on the road Some Juloos lot of people, lot of noise They were using generators to power the lights and the music… but they were using Bullocks to draw the cart So that was India in one frame passing by… Till today The biggest achievement in this country is to leave it!


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