Everything Is Stupid – Holiday Edition | The Daily Show

Everything Is Stupid – Holiday Edition | The Daily Show


It’s officially
the holiday season, a time for family, togetherness and cocktails with eggs,
for some reason. But you better enjoy it
while it lasts. Ronny Chieng tells us why
in another installment of “Everything is Stupid.” -(applause and cheering)
-♪ ♪ Oh, it’s Christmas… again. It’s just another excuse
for you people to send me stupid pictures
of your family. Oh, great.
Another baby dressed as an elf? Wow. Thanks for the reminder
to get a vasectomy. (laughter) But now, thanks to all
of these stupid world leaders not giving a shit
about climate change, everything you love about
Christmas is gonna disappear, starting with Christmas trees. This year, your Christmas tree
could wind up costing you more than you’ve spent in the past. WOMAN 2: At this farm
outside Los Angeles, the average tree costs
around a hundred bucks. Nationwide,
a fresh-cut Christmas tree now averages $76, double what it cost in 2008. Blame it on climate change. Rising temperatures,
wildfires and drought have all made farming
more challenging. Yeah, that’s right. Climate change is taking away
Christmas trees. By 2050,
they’re gonna be so expensive that the tree will be
the present, okay? How are you gonna trick kids
into behaving that way? Listen, you better
be good all year, or you’re not gonna get
a Douglas fir for Christmas. Why do people want Christmas
trees in their house anyway? All they do is shed pine needles
all over the floor. If that’s what you’re into,
just call me. I’ll stab you
in the foot for free. Right? And it’s not just trees
that are going away. Climate change is gonna kill
Santa’s transportation, too. In our “Eye on Earth” series, we’ll take you
to Santa’s hometown in the North Pole,
where climate change is threatening
the reindeer population. MAN: The reindeer feed,
even through the winter, on lichen, a mossy plant they dig down
through the snow to get at, except when all that thawing and refreezing means
they can’t. And when the snow turns to ice,
what happens to the reindeer? We have to feed them. (laughter) You know things are bad when your entire species depends
on a guy in a weird hat, okay? I mean,
what if he oversleeps one day? He’ll be like, “Oh, shit.
My alarm didn’t go off. Now I need
to dig a mass reindeer grave.” (audience groaning) And this is a big problem, okay, because without reindeer,
how is Santa gonna get around? He’s gonna have
to hitchhike around the world, trading rides for hand jobs,
okay? (laughter, groaning) But guess what.
The climate crisis is coming for our New Year’s drinks, too. Another popular consumer item that’s expected to get
a lot more expensive– prosecco. Climate change is doing
a number on the grapes that make the sparkling wine. NEWSMAN: Paolo Tomasello says
extreme weather is posing new challenges
at his vineyard. TOMASELLO: Climate change is
a big problem. When it’s sort of
very cold there, when it’s raining,
it rain very much. NEWSMAN: Prosecco, he explained,
should have low alcohol and high acidity. But high temperatures
and earlier ripening produce the opposite effect. That’s right.
Thanks to climate change, prosecco is gonna cost more
and taste worse. Although, to be fair,
if you cared about taste, you wouldn’t be drinking
prosecco. Okay, you peasants? Prosecco is the champagne
that dropped out of high school. Okay? You know what
my holiday drink of choice is? Good old-fashioned
rubbing alcohol. That’s right.
Sure, it’ll make you go blind, but that’s when the party
really starts. So happy New Year, everyone. Spoiler alert:
2020’s gonna be worse. -(laughter)
-Ronny Chieng, everyone!

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