Donald Trump Wows At First Solo Stress Conference

Donald Trump Wows At First Solo Stress Conference


>>Stephen:
>>STEPHEN: WELCOME TO THE “LATE SHOW,” EVERYBODY. I’M STEPHEN COLBERT. WOW. I’M SO GLAD YOU COULD BE HERE ON
THIS HISTORIC EVENING. DONALD TRUMP HELD HIS FIRST SOLO
PRESS CONFERENCE AS PRESIDENT. HE WAS OUT THERE ALL BY HIMSELF. HE DIDN’T EVEN BRING HIS MEDS. IT WAS A ROBUST ONE HOUR AND 17
MINUTES. BEEFY. SO BEEFY, YOU COULD EAT IT WITH
A FORK BUT YOU WILL WANT TO USE A SPOON TO GET EVERY DROP OF THE
CRAZY. IT JUST HAPPENED. WE WERE RECORDING THIS IN THE
EARLY AFTERNOON. IT LITERALLY JUST FINISHED. THIS IS FRESH. IT MUST BE FRESH BECAUSE YOU CAN
SMELL IT. THERE IS A REAL —
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS PRESS CONFERENCE, IT’S
STILL STEAMING. YOU CAN WARM YOUR HANDS OVER
THIS PILE. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S KIND OF HARD TO CHARACTERIZE THE PRESS
CONFERENCE. WORDS FAIL ME. HOW ABOUT CNN?>>IT WAS UNHINGED.>>Stephen: OKAY, JAKE. NICE TRY, BUT THAT’S THE LYING
FAKE MEDIA. WHAT DID HIS FRIENDS AT FOX NEWS
SAY?>>ALL RIGHTY, THEN!>>STEPHEN: VERY FUNNY. VERY FUNNY, NICE TRY. VERY FUNNY. OKAY. WHAT DID FOX NEWS REALLY SAY?>>WOW. ALL RIGHTY, THEN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: WOW! WOW! WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT, WHO
NEEDS FOX AND FRIENDS? NOW, RIGHT OFF THE BEAN, HERE’S
THE THING — DONALD TRUMP HELD THIS CONFERENCE BECAUSE THERE’S
CHAOS IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND ALL THE TALK ABOUT WHETHER THE
RUSSIANS ARE PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH HIM AND THINGS LIKE THAT. HIS PRESS AIDES SAID THIS IS
TOTALLY HIS IDEA. I TOTALLY BELIEVE NO ONE ELSE
THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA FOR HIM TO DO. TRUMP DEFENDED HIS ROUGH START
BY IMMEDIATELY ATTACKING AMERICA’S TRUE ENEMY:
ANYONE BUT HIM.>>TO BE HONEST, I INHERITED A
MESS. IT’S A MESS.>>STEPHEN: NO, YOU INHERITED A
FORTUNE. WE ELECTED A MESS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEN HE TOUTED HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS.>>I DON’T THINK THERE’S EVER
BEEN A PRESIDENT ELECTED IN THIS SHORT PERIOD OF TIME WHO’S DONE
WHAT WE’VE DONE.>>STEPHEN: I DON’T SAY THIS
OFTEN, BUT, MR. TRUMP, I COMPLETELY AGREE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED. AND THE PRESIDENT FOCUSED TO THE
ONLY THING THAT MAKES HIM HAPPY, BESIDES HIS NIGHTLY BATHROBE
TIME: REMINISCING ABOUT HIS ELECTION.>>GOT 306 ELECTORAL COLLEGE
VOTES. I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO GET 222. THEY SAID THERE’S NO WAY TO GET
222. 230 IS IMPOSSIBLE. 270, WHICH YOU NEED, THAT WAS
LAUGHABLE. WE GOT 306. BECAUSE PEOPLE CAME OUT AND
VOTED LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. SO THAT’S THE WAY IT GOES. I GUESS IT WAS THE BIGGEST
ELECTORAL COLLEGE WIN SINCE RONALD REAGAN.>>STEPHEN: ACTUALLY, SIR,
BARACK OBAMA GOT 365 ELECTORAL VOTES IN 2008, YOU ONLY GOT 306. WAIT… DO YOU THINK 306 IS
LARGER THAN 365? WOW, BETSY DEVOS WORKS QUICK! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE DeVOS EFFECT! YOU GOT DeVOSFIED. THAT WAS THE DeVOSFICATION OF
DONALD TRUMP. ( LAUGHTER )
LATER, A REPORTER REMINDED HIM HOW NUMBERS WORK.>>YOU SAID TODAY THAT YOU HAD
THE BIGGEST ELECTORAL MARGIN SINCE RONALD REAGAN WITH 304 OR
306 ELECTORAL VOTES. IN FACT, PRESIDENT OBAMA GOT 365
IN 2008–>>WELL, I’M TALKING ABOUT
REPUBLICAN.>>– PRESIDENT OBAMA, 332, AND
GEORGE H.W. BUSH, 426, WHEN HE WON AS PRESIDENT. SO WHY SHOULD AMERICANS TRUST–
>>WELL, NO, I WAS TOLD– I WAS GIVEN THAT INFORMATION. I DON’T KNOW. I WAS JUST GIVEN– WE HAD A VERY
BIG MARGIN.>>I GUESS MY QUESTION IS, WHY
SHOULD AMERICANS TRUST YOU WHEN YOU ACCUSE THE INFORMATION THEY
RECEIVE OF BEING FAKE WHEN YOU’RE PROVIDING INFORMATION
THAT’S–>>WELL, I WAS GIVEN THAT
INFORMATION.>>STEPHEN: HOW PRESIDENTIAL. REMINDS ME OF HARRY TRUMAN, WHO
SAID, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT’S SUPPOSED TO STOP, I WAS
GIVEN THAT BUCK.” ( LAUGHTER )
AND TRUMP PROVED ONCE AGAIN HE IS CONSISTANTLY INCONSISTANT.>>I WATCH CNN. IT’S SO MUCH ANGER AND HATRED,
AND JUST THE HATRED. I DON’T WATCH IT ANYMORE.>>STEPHEN: BUT YOU LITERALLY
SAID YOU WATCHED IT, TWO SENTENCES AGO! THEN YOU SAID YOU DON’T WATCH
IT! IMAGINE IF BILL CLINTON SAID, “I
DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN. THE MEDIA IS SO DISHONEST. I TOTALLY BANGED HER IN THE OVAL
OFFICE. TOTAL. BOOM. TOTAL. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT A CNN REPORTER FOUGHT BACK.>>JUST BECAUSE THE ATTACK OF
FAKE NEWS AND ATTACKING OUR NETWORK, I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU,
SIR–>>I’M CHANGING IT FROM FAKE
NEWS THOUGH. VERY FAKE NEWS.>>STEPHEN: OH, VERY FAKE NEWS! I DIDN’T REALIZE WE WERE
BRINGING OUT THE BIG GUNS. AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, HE’S
GOING TO HAVE TO RATCHET IT UP TO
“VERY, VERY, TOTES-MAGOTES, FOR REALSIES FALSIE FAKE NEWS.” NO FAIR CHANGEYS. NO DROPS, NO BOMBS, NO TAKEOUTS. ( APPLAUSE )
CIRCLE DOT, GOODIE SHOT. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT WORKS. AND TRUMP FINALLY ADDRESSED THE
RUMORS ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN.>>PUTIN PROBABLY ASSUMES THAT
HE CAN’T MAKE A DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE BECAUSE, POLITICALLY, IT
WOULD BE UNPOPULAR FOR A POLITICIAN TO MAKE A DEAL. I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING I’M A
POLITICIAN, BUT I GUESS THAT’S WHAT I AM NOW.>>STEPHEN: THERE IT IS. CATCH THAT IS THIS
WE ALL SAW THE MOMENT WHEN DONALD TRUMP FINALLY REALIZED HE
IS PRESIDENT. ( LAUGHTER )
AND TRUMP EXPLAINED WHY GOOD RELATIONS WITH RUSSIA WERE SO
IMPORTANT.>>IF RUSSIA AND THE UNITED
STATES ACTUALLY GOT TOGETHER AND GOT ALONG– AND DON’T FORGET,
WE’RE A VERY POWERFUL NUCLEAR COUNTRY, AND SO ARE THEY. THERE’S NO UPSIDE. WE’RE A VERY POWERFUL NUCLEAR
COUNTRY. AND SO ARE THEY. I’VE BEEN BRIEFED, I CAN TELL
YOU ONE THING ABOUT A BRIEFING THAT WE’RE ALLOWED TO SAY,
ANYBODY THAT READ THE MOST BASIC BOOK CAN SAY IT, NUCLEAR
HOLOCAUST WOULD BE LIKE NO OTHER.>>STEPHEN: YES, THAT’S THE KIND
IN-DEPTH BRIEFING THAT ONLY THE PRESIDENT IS PRIVY TOO. IT’S IN THE HIGHLY CLASSIFIED
BRIEFING BOOK: “NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST BAD.” IT’S A LITTLE TECHNICAL. IT’S A LITTLE TECHNICAL. I DON’T WANT TO GET TOO JARGONY,
BUT THE BRIEFING IS JUST ONE LONG WORD — BOOM. ( LAUGHTER )
THEN, RATHER THAN ADDRESS THE RUSSIAN RUMORS, TRUMP PIVOTED
>>DOES ANYBODY REALLY THINK THAT HILLARY CLINTON WOULD BE
TOUGHER ON RUSSIA THAN DONALD TRUMP? DOES ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM REALLY
BELIEVE THAT?>>STEPHEN: I DON’T KNOW, I’LL
ASK. DOES ANYONE REALLY BELIEVE THAT? ( CHEERING )
AND TRUMP WASN’T DONE WITH HIS ETHNIC OUTREACH. ADDRESS B THE THORNY TENSIONS OF
WHITE HOUSE RACISM WITH APRIL RYAN.>>ARE YOU GOING TO INCLUDE THE
CBC WITH YOUR URBAN AGENDA.>>WHO? THE CONGRESSIONAL BLACK
CAUCUS AND THE –>>WELL, I WOULD. DO YOU WANT TO SET UP THE
MEETING?>>NO, NO, NO, I’M JUST A
REPORTER–>>ARE THEY FRIENDS OF YOURS? GO AHEAD, SET UP A MEETING.>>I KNOW SOME OF THEM, BUT I’M
SURE–>>LET’S GO. SET UP A MEETING. I WOULD LOVE TO MEET WITH THE
BLACK CAUCUS. I THINK IT’S GREAT. THE CONGRESSIONAL BLACK CAUCUS. I THINK IT’S GREAT.>>STEPHEN: OH, YOU’RE BLACK,
CAN YOU TALK TO THE CONGRESSIONAL BLACK CAUCUS AT
YOUR NEXT MEETING OF THE BLACK CLUB? YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET IT. I’LL HAVE BEN CARSON DO IT. THSIT DOWN. SIT DOWN. ( APPLAUSE )
WOW, IT’S TRUE, RIGHT? THE PRESIDENT. IS HE GIVING AWAY A SECRET? ALL BLACK PEOPLE KNOW EACH
OTHER, RIGHT?>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: AND YOU KEEP EACH
OTHER’S SCHEDULES.>>Jon: WE MEET AT OPRAH’S
HOUSE.>>CAN YOU SET UP A MEETING FOR
ME WITH BEYONCE, JAY-Z, AND
FREDERICK DOUGLASS?>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: HEART A LOT OF
GREAT THINGS.>>Jon: YOU CAN COME, TOO. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: AND FINALLY, CBS’ MAJOR GARRETT ASKED THE
QUESTION SWIRLING ALL WEEK: WHAT TRUMP WILL DO ABOUT THE
HEIGHTENING TENSIONS WITH RUSSIA.>>YEAH, I’M NOT GOING TO TELL
YOU ABOUT ANYTHING I’M GOING TO DO. I DON’T TALK ABOUT MILITARY
RESPONSE. I DON’T SAY I’M GOING INTO MOSUL
IN FOUR MONTHS. “WE ARE GOING TO ATTACK MOSUL IN
FOUR MONTHS,” THEN THREE MONTHS LATER, “WE ARE GOING TO ATTACK
MOSUL IN ONE MONTH.” “NEXT WEEK, WE ARE GOING TO
ATTACK MOSUL.”>>STEPHEN: THAT WAS THE
PRESIDENT UNVEILING HIS TWO NEW CHARACTERS: “MILITARY GUY” AND
“DICTATOR GIVING A PRESS CONFERENCE.” ( BAND PLAYING )
>>Stephen: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! SALLY FIELD IS HERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STICK AROUND!

Author:

100 thoughts on “Donald Trump Wows At First Solo Stress Conference”

  • Jose Alberto Rivera Doñan says:

    If trump gets impeached Pence would be the president, Pence is not funny, he just makes people mad. Do you really want the orange man to get out of office?, think about it. At what are we going to laugh now? That Mike Pence looks like a dead corpse?

  • A couple of good things trump has done: pissed women off so bad that they are getting into the game. He has exposed the republican party for what it is cruel, dishonest, and the indentured servant of the 1%.Waking americans to the FACT that our governmental system, Democracy is in real danger. Hang on folks, it's going to be a wild ride.

  • Why are you putting up a 2 year old video! Do you think everyone has been asleep? God these YOUTUBERS just want views on 2 year old videos! Outta here! Don't need to see what's already happened calling it fucking new to people who don't even care because they don't check the date! As illiterate as Trump! Sad!

  • The most uneducated ignorant President we have ever elected. The fact that he was elected president tells you how uneducated many Americans are.

  • "Does anybody really believe that Hillary Clinton would be tougher on Russia then Donald Trump?"
    Everybody in the audience starts cheering
    Well, that's not a lot of people…
    Oh, shit, there's a second floor

  • He wasn't assuming all blacks knew each other, he was just being snotty; just listen to his disrespectful tone and look at his expression, complete disrespect. Trump pulls that all the time to put the reporter on the defensive.

    The media has t stop reacting to his rhetoric and stick to their questions.

  • Trump proves himself over and over, day after day, week after week, month after month to be a complete idiot for someone who claimed to be so smart…😐 Why Is That?

  • all media needs to start reporting what is going on behind the scenes, get trumps name off the news it strokes his ego = what is that republican party actually doing or what have they already done , nobody knows, it just trump trump trump stupidity

  • How , how. Did this happen ? This guy is a schmuck , he can't speak for 5 mins. Without looking fey , scattered , foolish and or iditiotic , how in the process , was this " feature". Not exposed for all to weigh? 25 th the 45th

  • JohnCook Australia 🇦🇺. Where is one Trump supporter who listens to this drivel still believes this piece of shit as he spouts rubbishy lie after another . Please stand up so you can be put in the stocks .

  • Donald Trump so laughable every time,,,well done America your president is a clown ,a joke ,,Trump lies so much that he dont even remember which lie which?

  • First he had more electoral votes since Ronald Reagan. Then the reporter told him that Mr. Obama had 465 votes so he changed his statement to most votes among republicans. Then again the reporter had to remind him that Republican Gw got 406 votes so then he had to say that thst was the Intel he was given. Caught in lie after lie. And this is the leader of the free world??? GOD help us !!!!!

  • His dry nasal voice is the dead give away to having freshly done a couple lines of cocaine… listen to his voice and breathing as he continues and his nasals start to clog up and he’s mouth breathing… “cocaine”

  • Marguerite Galimitakis says:

    Get off the 306 electorial votes MORON! Trump is a waste of our time! You were given that information. MORON! YOU ARE FULL OF ANGRY AND HATRED TRUMP NOT THE MEDIA!

  • America was laughing stock when Trump won the Republican nomination to run for Presidency – long before he became president! I was in Europe at time and people just thought it was a big elaborate joke! Even people I was with in France who are right leaning thought he was a despicable cheat and buffoon with little to offer except comedic relief! He has not disappointed them for the resounding laughter heard across France. But in one way having him as president is the best! We are all laughing so hard EVERY all through the day it has to be damn good for our long term health. Norm Cousins would approve!
    ,

  • I don’t agree with Trump on everything, but over bashing Trump and taking many (not all ) things out of context so you can promote your show ratings and profits is not good for our country. If it was more balanced I could probably accept it just a little. Thank you Jon Stewart for spawning political confusion and discord.

  • Most Republican votes since Reagan?
    Good save, seeing as you're still ignoring George H W Bush.
    Oh, and Barack and Bill both beat your 304 (not 306) TWICE.
    You're not even the oldest serving President. That was Reagan.
    Not sure if Donnie makes it in for a second term though.
    Reagan's second term? Now that was an impressive win. Not the most, but still impressive.

  • Jason McElholum says:

    If his father didn't give him half a billion to leave the house and fuck everything up, he probably would have ended up in some form of mental health care facility. Dad probably thought 'whatever it takes'. Fortunately, for comedians worldwide that didn't happen. As for the rest of us, the Whitehouse is a good insight into how people in mental care are treated. Incapable of honesty, that was his Legal Defense's argument to prevent him from making any form of sworn testimony. 100% delusional in every facet of the reality going on around him and hell bent on ensuring that every element of his entire life is kept from the public domain through any means possible. Trump is greasy, dishonest, filth with a propensity for failure. It was nice of the U.S to offer him a second chance by electing him President!

  • He doesn't do anything he just like tell me what u Want me to say and then just ignores the notes n wings it 🙄this president stupid..love the host

  • Did trump not understand saying there is " no upside " actually means, " there is no good that can come out of this ". It's hard to believe he's actually gotten dumber since then. Can't they court order his ass to psychological testing. Then we can forget the institution where they put him for a few more years.

  • If we go back into the Stone Age and bring Trump back with the intention of leaving him there, the first thing the cavemen and women would say:"P;ease bring this fucker this back with you. Send him back to his home planet Uranus."

    If Charles Darwin were to study Trump, we could actually forget about evolution. It will just be a pictograph book with big words reading above the image of Trump:"From dinosaurs to this – how the fuck did we get here?"

  • oh i didnt get it wrong i just was given false information that i didnt check because well …im really fucking tired.Iwas up all night watching fox news re runs and snorting coke of the housemaids legs so you know well its not my fault

  • so much anger and hatred .Yeah like the anger and hatred from the nut job killing people in a texas shopping mall because you like to hold rallies were people shout racist chants prompted by your racist comments .Yeah that kind of hatred

  • so let me get this straight to ensure the security and continuation of the human race trump decided to make america putins bitch

  • yes i do.He is still going on about hillary clinton.She lost you won ….well kind of.You are in charge…..well sort of…

  • hey your a black person you know all the black people so you can sort out the what is it ? The C.B.C?….that thing …

  • hey you there .Yes you .Your black arnt you?Ok could you go and tell all the black people to vote for me.Thanks i dont like talking to them but your black so you can do it for me cant you.Ok thanks bye

  • Lost the popular vote, anyone have a clue of what the popular vote has to be to overcome the electoral college. "Sarcasm"

  • Cameron Padron says:

    He was given that information by himself. He's a delusional old man that a bunch of morons voted for. The number one reason from my dumbass friends is that they figured it would be different than every other politician we've tried… Yup, you're definitely right there.

  • i don,t know if hillary clinton is tougher, but i know she,s wiser, better informed, and most of all more diplomatic. all things u don,t have. i guess there is nothing more to do then waiting for a new president to clean up the mess u made.maybe then u can find some time to clean up the mess u made of your marriage..

  • Unless he is being deliberately drugged into oblivion and given false information by people out to hinder him and MAKE him look an idiot…WHY is this guy still in office? it's like you elected a five-year old!!!

  • Our President is less articulate than a 5th grader. He repeats sentence fragments as if he were giving new information each time or we are so stupid we didn't undertstand the first time. Please Lord…Deliver Us From Evil.

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