Critical Role: Breaking Mercer

Critical Role: Breaking Mercer


TRAVIS: We have rituals for that, all the
profanities that we throw to you right before we go live. It’s our way of going, ‘Welcome, Matt.’ MATT: Yeah, yeah, no, that’s a great little
dodge and weave every week, now. LIAM: Born out of love. MATT: (sighs) MARISHA: Some people walk out to the ring
with hardcore metal music. We just shout profanities at our DM. That’s what we do to hype ourselves up. LAURA: It feels so good. TALIESIN: Try and crack him. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to– (sputters). It’s already off to a good start, huh? Welcome to this evening’s episode of Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. TRAVIS: And make fun of our DM. MATT: Exactly. TALIESIN: You talk for a living. MATT: Live internet. It’s a wonderful thing. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role here, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons
and Dragons. TRAVIS: Damn it. Damn it! It was perfect. MATT: No, I got it right this time. MATT: Hello, and good evening, everyone, and
welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and
Dragons, or yell curse words at me as we intro. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around, roll
dice, and play Dungeons and Dragons, while Liam curses at me a few seconds before we
start the show to try and throw me off. It’s worked once before. Probably work again. Welcome to the show. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors roll dice, play
Dungeons and Dragons, and Liam, once again, throws curses at me right before we start
the stream. It’s good, it’s good. LIAM: I love you. MATT: I love you, too. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons and Dragons. I hate you, Liam. TRAVIS: That was a good one. That was really nice. MATT: He’ll never know. LIAM: Shit on my face. MATT: Welcome back, everybody. TALIESIN: Cockgoblin. MATT: Hello, guys, welcome back. Haha, they caught it on stream. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and
Dragons, and occasionally curse at me right before the stream, you assholes. Every time. You guys have caught ’em a few times. MATT: Welcome back to this majestic clusterfuck
that is tonight. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around, roll
dice, and play Dungeons and Dragons. TRAVIS: In your face. MATT: Yes, in my face. Thanks, Travis. MATT: Guys, pay attention. LIAM: Illithid syphilis. MATT: The camera’s already on. It’s– TALIESIN: Piss blossom. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where Taliesin jumps the gun and says his phrase too late. TRAVIS: Yeah, that was way too late! TALIESIN: I hate you all! MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons and point
to Liam O’Brien for the evening, you motherfucker. MARISHA: That’s the winner! MATT: — break into a coughing fit at the
top of the game. You all right, Liam? LIAM: I said a bad word. I got the soap. MATT: That’s called karma. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role, after the barrage of delightful phrases that were just shouted at me. TRAVIS: Love you, Matt! MATT: Love you too, guys. MATT: Hello, and welcome back. While we were away, we learned much about
the anatomy of the basilisk. Thank you, Liam. LIAM: Welcome! MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons,
and get the somewhat adjusted, altered countdown to us going live. It’s great. MATT: Hello, and welcome back, everyone. Sorry, you waited too long, Taliesin. MATT: Welcome back, everyone, to Critical
Role. (groans) That was terrible. TRAVIS: She’s been gone. MATT: She’s been gone a while, that’s okay. Welcome back, Pike. Ashley, you’re amazing. ASHLEY: I’m just not working right now. MATT: That’s okay. MATT: Welcome back, everyone, including my
party, who need to calm the fuck down. MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. SAM: A lot happened. A lot happened in that break. MATT: Apparently. I missed most of it. LAURA: That was pure chaos. MATT: I’m so removed from most of that at
the table before the game starts. I’m like, ‘What happened? What?’ TALIESIN: Do you just phase out so you don’t
hear the terrible things we say? MATT: No, I’m just focused on the rest of
the shit that’s happening. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voi– (stammers). Voice actors. It’s been a long year. Look, there’s very high nerves in the studio
right now, ’cause tonight’s gonna be crazy. MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen,
to Critical Role. (sighs) PATRICK: Did you just crack yourself up? LIAM: Yes. MATT: Well done, Liam. Well done. MATT: Welcome back, everyone. So, picking up where we left off, from my
esteemed panel of extremely mature– TRAVIS: No one can hear it, Matt, it doesn’t
exist. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical– fuck you, Liam! Fuck you! Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role,
where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. LIAM: Victory! MATT: — back to Critical Role. Apparently we had a penguin explode in the
background. LAURA: That sounded like Dolores Umbridge. MATT: That was– I feel like– LIAM: I was specifically thinking, let me
give Matt a little break, here, I’ll give him a little time. MATT: There’s no break. I get an instinctual nervousness now right
before we go live because of you guys, now. This kind of Pavlovian kind of, ohhh. TRAVIS: Sniped a parakeet. [offscreen toot] MATT: There it was, a second time. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit and play Dungeons
and Dragons across my camera. MATT: Welcome back, everyone, to Critical
Role. Damn it. MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. Nice try, motherfuckers. MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gen-tle-men? I’ll remember that. TALIESIN: Cool. MATT: Hello, and welcome back, everybody. Nice one, Laura. LIAM: A rare Laura call-out. MATT: Well done. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. I got Liam back via Skype, somehow, after
many episodes of him fucking with me, so I’m happy. TRAVIS: You gotta commit to it! LIAM: It was good. It was weaker than the first attempt. MATT: You know, this is my first chance to
actually do this to you, and I keep getting completely swarmed by everyone else. LAURA: Oh my god, that’s my favorite thing
ever. ‘I don’t know.’ LIAM: Pee pockets? Is that what I heard? MATT: Not from me. MATT: Welcome back, everybody, to Critical
Role. (sighs) TRAVIS: Tetris. MATT: Welcome back. God damn it. Anyway. I expect everything else. Well done. Well done, Travis. Well done. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role. So, first and foremost– nice try, guys. MATT: — and welcome back to Critical Role. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around, play
Dungeons and Dragons, and shout obscenities a little late. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role. Oh god, they’re closer now. I’m starting to rethink this scenario. LIAM: Life comes at you fast, Matt. MATT: That it does, apparently. Anyway, welcome back. LAURA: I think that was the best one I’ve
ever heard, though, Ashley. That was a really good one. MATT: That was pretty good. And you may fight one later. MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back. So, last we left off– (sighs) MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role. ASHLEY: Sorry, my timing is bad. TALIESIN: Wow. Wow. MATT: We missed you, too, guys. MATT: — and welcome to tonight’s episode
of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons
and Dragons. (sighs) Every god damn week. MATT: Hello, and welcome back. TRAVIS: We didn’t say anything. MATT: No, you didn’t, I was waiting in absolute
silence. This is what it’s like to have respect! MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role. (sighs) TRAVIS: That was a barrage. MATT: Yeah, that was making up for the beginning
of the game. MATT: Hello, and welcome back. God damn it. God damn it! (sighs) Welcome back. I’ll remember that. MATT: So– LIAM: Vecna’s amish taint. MATT: Little late, but thank you, I appreciate
that. LAURA: A little late, a little late. MATT: Be really good friends with your DM
before you do that, please. That’s when the boulder appears and crushes
your character, so be careful.

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