Breaking Free to Self-Love. From Risk Comes Freedom. Codependency Resiliency Courage


100 thoughts on “Breaking Free to Self-Love. From Risk Comes Freedom. Codependency Resiliency Courage”

  • We are afraid to…dream, believe in ourselves, analyse, set boundaries, be kind to ourselves ……..which came from our parent's distorted thinking.Our CURE…. is the love and care of GOD.

  • Thank you. I have been in a co dependent relationship for 5 years now. Only last 5 months was erratic. We had to separate. I am feeling much better with this;.

  • Hi Ross. A question re a comment you made on or about 12:00 ~ ''never too late to be the person you were meant to be … but choose not to be.

    Choice? If a person is abused and dies or is crippled for life due to another's action such as childhood trauma, how is that a choice? Or did you mean to say, one did not choose one's parents who caused the trauma, but are still able to change things??

  • It's so hard to know whether it will pay off to "bloom," because it's hard to know what that will even look or feel like. Is it that life won't be so consistently lonely, painful, scary, and that recovered SLDDs will be able to believe they have good things they can bring to the world? Will the recovered SLDD be able to remain confident in their positive qualities, in their inherent worth as a person, and in their being deserving of self-care and love even in the face of critical words from a highly judgmental person, or even an NPD?

  • Not sure how I missed this video. (But Better late than never.).
    Self love will risk additional hurt, but worth it! I trust you when you repeat, it will be worth it. Appreciate you much! Ready.

  • Marguerite Curtis says:

    Love your videos. It has helped me so much. We do have to go through the eye of the needle to get to the fully actualized rose of Self Love. What a beautiful experience when we reach it.

  • Jakomiena Westdijk says:

    Ross thank you from a rosebud thousands of miles away. I am at the crosspoint and you've helped me more than words can say.

  • Ross once again you have just put into words what am experiencing at the minute sometimes I feel your the only one who knows what I'm going through. You'll never know just how much you are helping me and I appreciate this advice, you are an amazing person & I'm eternally grateful as I am nearly ready to blossom, namaste X

  • Dear Ross. I have just left a narc and Im A codependent. My journey had NOT reached here without you and your videoes, The human magnet syndrome book, or indeed The very true poem ❤️
    THANK YOU. I have just saved my life ?

  • Valentina Mariano says:

    lovely thank you so much…narcissistic still look at me in the road how change my energy how to attract balanced persons..

  • Berta Lets Cook Easy & Yummy says:

    i really like to thank you for every video on YouTube yourself and a couple of other therapists I have been listening to…   I shall take this to the next level to recovery ..   I'm in Australia .

  • Hi Ross, Thank you so much for your excellent work; it's made a huge difference in my life. Mother and father were narcissists, three brothers narcissistic because of the awfulness of the parents. Only girl: talk about self love deficit!! Then, twenty-seven years married to a cerebral narcissist. At the age of 54 I trusted my gut, gave up everything and walked away from all the abuse — marriage and birth family. I have been terrified BUT have NOT looked back. I have written a memoir and an audiobook about how narcissism takes shape in a kid's eyes, how kids (of all ages) can recognize it, trust their gut and move to protect self. Again, thanks. You are a shining light.

  • Abigail Johnson says:

    I have been contemplating all of this for almost 3 yrs,and I make some progress in my head, but not much progress in the physical world. I'm paralyzed. He's a Narc, was raised by narcs, as I was too. Oddly his mom came off as the abused, neglected wife, codependent, victim if a heart less cheating, left her for another woman dirt bag after a long marriage, kids were grown, had one grandkid. (My husband's from his first marriage). But she (mother in-law hated me because she was so needy and addicted to her golden child/scapegoat child, who was my 38 yr old husband. We'd go to functions and she'd sit in front in the car ,even though she brought her other numbnut cousin around, who she got away with bossing around and verbally abusing. I am not used to such haughty snotty sneaky behavior. It was like my husband was both to her, son and pseudo husband, it was kinda if a big turn off for me. But she had a recurrence of breast cancer when I met her and she was progressively getting worse each year in health and her desperate behaviours. I always cut her immense amounts of slack. My husband had no idea that she was so sneaky with her manipulativeness, questions, lies about his daughter crying "she felt abandoned" when we be went to Florida to get married during Feb school vacation, the week we married. We called her at 9:30 that night, our wedding night, as we previously planned with her. She was 15, dating a 20 yr old, they were already together a year by then. Anyway, she ended being out with him. So my husband is now talking to the ex wife on our wedding night. I was still cool, open minded, this is what I signed up for I was thinking. I think there was a little projection there, his Mom cried we were married? It was all to get him to jump through hoops and do what SHE WANTED, so she could feel powerful, revered, etc Anyway my husband now does have some insight that his family screwed him up. Ever since I met him about 30 years ago, he insinustest what a bad kid he was. He believes he'll go to hell for things he's done. I've tried to tell him a child's view of the world is formed by age 7. He didn't have a shot with his sick and suffering parents. He was raped by a catholic priest at age 6. No one ever found out. His parents were too busy being miserable with each other than to notice he was changing, acting out, he was labeled oppositional and spent time in juvey. His father, upper middle class, Mr President, CEO, of this and that, blackened his eyes more than once. His Mom watched in silence.I have stood by him for 24 yrs, never cheated, tried so hard to fix us. I came upon narcissistic personality disorder and these videos and was blown away to learn it was my dad,my brothers, at least one of the 4 daughters. And my husband fits all criteria for narc. I was suicidal when I learned he couldn't and never did love me. After all the blood sweat and tears I've spent since 2011 trying to keep him out of a nursing home. He has a lot if health issues that he makes 200 x worse because of apathy, depression, etc he's a recluse, overeats, more sex for years, loves me he says…… Yes to support him, cook clean, abuse, ignore, etc…..its time to use NY knowledge and take action. I need to set $aside. Thx

  • Darlene Holloway says:

    Thank you so very much for helping me understand what I have gone thru. I was married to a covert narc. I divorced him after 24 years of marriage, including the 2 1/2 years of separation. I knew something was wrong, but did not know much about npd. As soon as my divorce was final I was very vulnerable and met an OVERT narc! It was hell for 6 months!!! Then I met a man on a dating website a couple of months later who had narc tendencies! It was a long distance relationship and he wanted to marry me before I even met him in person. I thought this is all I could get. It never happened! Thank you Jesus! I listen daily to many therapists on YouTube. Thank God for You you and the rest! I was an emotional mess this past year. I hung on, thanks to the therapy! Thank you very much for helping me feel like I'm not crazy, I'm a good woman, and the list goes on!

  • Victorious Balla says:

    So on time for me to take care of me. My roommate has been a bully ,I stood up for myself today .wow that was ugly. But I feel better that this happened. Opposition is on. It's crazy. Thank you.

  • Wow! I never saw it before but years ago I was looking for art to hang on my wall at home. I chose a picture of dead roses. They were all dried up and wilting. I didn't know why, but I thought it was a beautiful picture to hang on my wall. I'm currently ending a 22 year marriage with a covert narcissist. I loved the picture when I bought it years ago, because I thought that even though those roses were dead, they were still beautiful. That is the hope, strength and courage that lives within me because I have been through so much and am learning to love myself again. Thank you Ross Rosenberg. I loved your poem.

  • Gail Ra Ransom says:

    Thank you for the wonderful work you are doing. I just learned at 74 that I am codependent. I began listening to Lisa Romano and learned why I became that way. now I am doing everything I can to become the rose I was meant to be.

  • To anybody reading this, what helped me establish boundaries with my narcissistic dad was to imagine him as just an over-grown child. Literally. It's much less intimidating if you pull it off. With my narcissistic mom I imagined her as simply a drama queen, that cries (manipulates) whenever she doesn't get what she wants. And of course like Ross says to observe and not absorb. I received lots of phone calls and emails. I made a new email address and blocked all contact with anybody calling me from my family. It helps to realize that them calling you to "help" you is not going to work. Simply because they cannot help THEMSELVES. Once you become aware of the abuse in your home and how things REALLY are, your whole bodily and mind instinct would be to get out. And you will. Have hope everybody!!

  • l think a warning should go out to all the women who are married to Narcs. l decided to blossom by leaving him because he ignored, devalued me and was selfish. I rebound with a loving, affectionate and attentive man….who ended up being Sociopath. Three years of being trapped with him and l finally escaped to be left damaged worse, destitute and now am basically bouncing and homeless. So be careful when you bloom!!

  • Barbara Brinkmeyer says:

    Yes, you are correct. I fought hard to preserve the goodness that was always in me. Rewrite a damaged narrative…, makes and be realistic with recovery. This is a wonderful gift.

  • Green Life and Living says:

    To a BUD From a friend name FEAR.

    Bud bud bud my buddy
    You are my buddy
    For like you I am enclosed and contained in my own game
    I play behind my shame
    And therefore I feel safe in my disdain
    Unlike our blossom friends
    All insane
    To think they can gain by being their own reigns
    For they might claim all the fame
    But then they risk all their acclaimed
    So better be a bud than a blooming deb.
    All safe in our familiar cage.

  • Everyone in my life loved me because I was a rose bud….I was lucky to never meet any abusive person…. till now…. I had to go through a horrendous experience to bloom….. I am not grateful for this… I could have lived my entire life without knowing abuse…. I am not grateful for this.

  • Donna Woodford says:

    i'm going for the self-love, tripped & fell a couple of times, but hey, no one is perfect. I try myself out on other people. Sometimes it's awkward socially, but i forge ahead, smile, and try again. thanks.

  • Thank you for all you do. Your ideas are new and unique and profound. You really are so knowledgeable and enlightening.

  • Jacqueline Edwards says:

    Self love deficite is easier to understand. Codependency is a mirad of syptoms all relating to manipulating the needs of others by "helping" those closest in order to fill a void in self. This decription is simple as the dersired end is to feel loved and accepted. I have tried to explain codependency without being offensive but you instread of me seems to pop up. I am talking about myself and my journey to establish healthy bounderies without excluding others or their needs. This is something I wish I had heard 35 years ago. Thank you again

  • newtuber4freedom says:

    ? What a lovely poem! ?? In my own local search, nobody knows what SLD is; Mr. R., can you recommend somebody in DuPage Co., IL that accepts Obama-care? Thank you kindly. ?

  • Been looking for something like this a long time and it really pinpoints my core issue. That I have had SLDD for nearly as long as the 28 years I've been living thus far. It's been struggle upon struggle with mistakes repeated and negative patterns relived. Been growing up with a covert narcissist parent have taken me through mental abuse and neglect, leading to severe isolation and computer gaming disorder for 15+ years among other things, allthewhile being negligent to my life falling apart all around me. Problem with isolation, skin, stomach, economy, eating properly, cleaning, memory, focus, sleep, restless legs syndrome, and fibromyalgy for 7+ years because of the perpetual stress. Somewhere on the road I lost the energy and will to dream beyond my current existence. I've been living a half-life. Healthcare and family doesn't understand this disorder so It's been hard to get much help for my issues. Thank you so much for this.

  • human citizen says:


  • Ross you're so awesome!!! This is at the core of my life's experience…so validating and you give me the courage to keep recovering and fighting through all this pain and reality shattering realizations. Thank you!

  • I think the path to discovery is very similar for most of us.

    1. In a relationship with a narcissist.
    2. Can't take it anymore.
    3. Learn about personality disorders.
    4. Realize we are codependent.

    Although learning and gaining a very clear understanding of cluster B disorders is a crucial part of finding closure for what we hope to be the last failed relationship in our lives.

    The only way to make that hope a reality is by taking the next step and focus on ourselves and learning about SLDD with even more commitment than we did when we were learning about NPD.

    We then have to apply this knowledge to our lives. The hardest part for me is accepting that even with intense dedication it is a slow and tedious process.

    I know I have a long way to go but have already come farther than I ever thought possible.

    Thanks to all those who dedicate so much of their lives into making the information available that helps us discover and become who we really are.

  • I finally stood up to the narc(s) and have weathered the gale force storm I was so afraid I wouldn't survive. I more than survived, just as Ross said. I have broken through to blossom into myself, opening up more every day. Thank you, Ross.

  • I've listened to this over 20 times I'd say. Thank you Ross all my life I've needed someone to love me enough to tell me it's ok to bloom. at 26 years old it was me that said it's ok and God's love and spirit that said finally she gets it, finally my Gem can become the beautiful rose I intended her to be she can enjoy and prosper in life instead of hiding from it. you're right in saying it's not easy but your also right in saying eventually it becomes to painful not to bloom. love light healing peace and blessings on all the people struggling with this debilitating state of mind ❤️

  • Profound.
    Your poem has struck a deep cord in me. At least I now know there is hope after I have started on your material and I already experience a feeling of freedom and lightness – Gone are the darkness of old that kept swirling around me keeping me small and unable to grow.

  • I am going through the transition right now. It takes a long time, dedication, the willingness to make mistakes (and forgive yourself for those mistakes). And it hurts more than I thought I’d be able to bear. It truly does. And yet…I feel in my spirit that this is the fight of my life and that it will be more than worth the hardship. If you are going through or are about to go through this transition: have courage! I may not know you but I love you.

  • I never cease to be awed by timing. I appreciate you for having this video still around. This is a tool to help propel me forward. I wish you the best Ross! Thank you again!! Your talks have helped me through alot.

  • Kimberly Harrington says:

    This is quite possibly the all-time, best, most honest and HELPFUL video on YouTube.

    I never ever leave comments on the psych. Videos I watch, but this one was a nother level.

    Thank you for all you are doing. This message speaks to me extremely clearly and it has helped me to take steps to make my life better and truer to what it could be.

    I'm looking for a new therapist (as my current one deals only in addiction) and really want to move forward in a REAL life. Thank you for all of the videos!! God bless you!!

  • This video made me emotional. When I first discovered narcisism, I was flabbergasted but also very hopefull: there is a way out of this emotional dark swamp! And I believe I am well on my way. But it also makes me a bit sad for all the sadness I have felt for so long.
    The more clear things become to me, the more it also becomes clear how long my road to health still is. Although it is so worth it, this also makes me a bit sad. I haven't quite cut my losses yet..
    I just became a mother and I guess I'll be the imperfect parent who unconditionally loves her daughter and lets her stay in bloom.

  • Kimberly McCracken says:

    What is the first step Ross? BTW, Anais Nin is one of my favorites (pronounced ah-nah-ees). The actual quote is "tight in the bud".

  • Beautiful Poem. Thank you very much! I'm struggling with finding friends cause all my past relationships were with psychopaths and toxic peolpe. I'm so scared to take this step, and have a hard time believing that there is good out there. I grew up with a bpd mother and psychopathic stepdad. I constantly attrackted these type of people. Even knowing that I still met so many psychopaths and now have cut all ties with these toxic people of course leaving me completely alone. I can be quite content with aloneness but I too need healthy human contact. It is so so hard to go out there, but your poem gave me some extra courage. I am really grateful to have found your work.

  • Very well said! Yes people will use you,lie,be cruel and push you right off the planet! Have to put yourself first! I am first! What about me? Can I have some fun, enjoyment from life here ? When the BRILLIANT RED FLAGS pop up, EXIT stage left VAMOS! SKID MARKS IN THE DRIVEWAY! OUTTA HERE !! Let the Narc go drive someone else nuts!

  • I learned how to love myself but the opposition destroyed me. I have a lot to say. But it gets to the point where saying it puts my life in danger.

  • Thank you Ross for this special video . Crying because this is me and im ready to heal and learn more. Im always helping others and very giving as a nurse but havent stopped to help myself.

  • Wow! This is so true. I'm just starting to really face the world so my kids don't cover their light. The monsters aren't as bad as my fear of them.

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