Breaking Down Bargaining & Guy Best Friends – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian

Breaking Down Bargaining & Guy Best Friends – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian


The thing is
I started bargaining because the integral
rule is to bargain. Guys…most guys are really bad. The secret to good bargaining is you can’t make any sense. It’s an emotional warfare. Of bringing a guy down to his knees. This is how I bargain which is the worst way to do it. So, I’ll go with my friends
for moral support. Because guy best friends is a beautiful relationship. Two guy best friends…
inseparable. Anything would happen. The world will end.
They will be there for each other. Two guy best friends is
a beautiful conundrum. Because guys suck at expressing
emotions, right? But they have so much love
for each other. It’s almost like
two guy best friends are almost gay. They’re just one thing away from… There is so much love. They don’t know how to express it. Because guys don’t know
how to express emotions, right? They do really romantic things
together without realizing… Hey bro, you want to go for
a bike trip together? We’ll go to a hill station. We’ll have tea on the way. We’ll take photographs. We’ll dress up in leather suits. Just to make it manly…
We’ll have beer also. It’s a wonderful relationship. Guys give me that moral support. And you can’t… and their emotions pour out
when they get drunk. Otherwise guys keep drilling
down each other. Bro, I’m not getting a job. You will never get one, asshole. The moment they get drunk…
You can puke on me. You can puke on me. I am there for you, bro. I love my best friend. He is the closest thing. I wish he were female so that
I could date him. That’s how strong our connection is. It’s very strong. This is all about bargaining… so I’m with my best friends at the bargaining place
and they were all behind. Sir, how much is the t-shirt for? Sir, 150. Give it to me in 140/-. Sir, the cost price is 130/-. The electricity bill is Rs.10/-. Rent is Rs.10/-. Corruption is Rs.10/-. Education cess. ‘Swachch Bharat’ cess. I don’t make any profit, sir. Take 200. I don’t want the t-shirt. This is how my girlfriend bargains. Sir, how much for this t-shirt? 150. Why? The question ‘why’ has boggled astronomers
and physicists for years. And she is asking
a t-shirt salesman ‘why’? I don’t know, madam,
because things have to have a price. It’s amazing what happens. Just like…
She turns into this person. She’ll break him down,
internally. You can’t heal from that. We went to Gokarna which is
a place near Bangalore. It’s a beach place. It’s like Goa before it was commercial. It’s a place where there are
a lot of white people. It’s a place where white people are there so brown people are
‘It’s not litter’. White people are there. So we go to Gokarna and there is a street full of
handicraft shops. Hand made stuff, guys. The biggest weakness
my girlfriend has. There is nothing like
hand made stuff. Buy greeting cards for a girl. Draw some fuck all shit on it. Get her friends to make
a video collage and send it to her
for her birthday… Oh my God! Hand made stuff.
The best shit. She loses her mind. But guys, there is a difference. She has a friend with her. Because when she
and her friend combined force, they become Captain Cheapness. They combine
and go together in the shop. I don’t want to mess with that,
okay. So, I am outside. There is a whole row of shops
selling the same thing. Five shops selling the same thing. So I think –
redundant, redundant, redundant… She sees – opportunity, opportunity,
opportunity… I don’t think it is about the money. I don’t think it is about
saving 10 or 20 bucks. A man thinks he has set rules. She wants to show how wrong that guy is. That is the satisfaction, right? An arrogant man who thinks
he knows what he knows… And she breaks him down. Both of them enter. And this is how you
break down bargaining. I am standing outside because
I can’t tolerate bloodshed. It’s too much for me.
I can’t take it. So, she walks in with her friend. Sir, how is this leather slipper for? Madam, 200/-. You get it for 150/- in Bangalore. Which makes no sense. What? Madam, you won’t get it for 150/-. You will get it here for 200/-. Second strike. We were here yesterday. There was another man. And he quoted us 150/-. I have been here for 400 years, madam. I am living proof
that global warming exists. You did not come here yesterday. It is still 200/-. And the ultimate and final threat. We are leaving.

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