Ben Feldman Says ‘Nobody Cares’ When He Visits Big-Box Stores IRL

Ben Feldman Says ‘Nobody Cares’ When He Visits Big-Box Stores IRL


– We are celebrating
2020, our vision for 2020. Do you have any goals for 2020? – I, less drinking. (laughter) Just kidding. – No fun. – No I have two kids. – So more drinking. (laughter) – Way more drinking. But speaking of that, I think my goal this year is to stop being terrified of going out. You have, how old are your kids? – Well, three, five, 13, and 18. – That’s too many kids. – Yeah. Three, five, and 13
actually live with us now ’cause the other one’s gone. – Do you remember when
they were like little? I have a two year old
and a seven month old. – That’s hell. – And you’re terrified
to go out or do anything. It’s absolute hell. – And then you feel like
no matter what you do you can’t stop them from crying sometimes. They have gas or something and everybody’s looking at you, and you’re like, “I’m trying.” – On an airplane, forget about it. – [Kelly] Don’t make me come over there. – It’s the absolute worst. The worst. – Airplanes are the worst. – We just did, we were on a holiday trip. I had the worst day ever, and that’s a terrible thing to say because people with actual terrible days are gonna watch this and be like, “That guy is complaining about nothing”, but we had this day- – It’s like one of those
where everything goes wrong. – We went to New York. – That’s being a parent. – Yes. Yeah exactly. You feel like you’re
in a Ben Stiller movie from the early ought. We were in New York, and
we had 11 checked bags. So it’s me, a nanny, my wife, two kids. But then the bags are like the car seat and all the stuff. And people over packing my house. I’m not gonna say who, but it’s not me. And so we went. We had to wake up early for like a 7:30 a.m. flight in New York because we kept them on L.A. time so it’s basically the middle
of the night for the kids. They’re freaked out. The thing that comes
to pick us up is late. So we get to the airport, and we rush in, and we’re sweating, and
the plane’s about to take, we’re five minutes away from not boarding. – Probably the kids
are crying and whining. – The kids are freaking out
and they’re confused mostly. They’re like, “What’s happening?” Then we get there. We land in L.A. I fall into the bus that
we’re getting into there, cut open my leg, gushing blood. – So falling is a thing for you. – All the time. Falling and drinking. (laughter) I have to go to Urgent Care. I’m getting stitches. My wife calls me and she’s
like, “How are the stitches?” and I’m like, “They’re great. “Stitches are awesome.” (laughter) And then she says, “I
got bad news for you. “We got all of the bags except for yours. “It’s still at LAX. “You have to go back.” This is like the worst. So then the next morning I had to go back, have my stitches looked at, go to a dentist in the
middle of all of this, then a back doctor told me I need surgery, then I went to LAX to get my bag. And the whole time I’m like, “I just want to get home and
eat like a great dinner.” And even on the way home I’m arguing with my wife about dumplings. “We need to have them at this time “or else it’s not worth it.” (laughter) So she orders them and we get home, the kids are finally asleep. And the dumplings are about to come and the delivery person, I’m not gonna call you
out, food delivery service, but they called and they go, “Hey so we don’t have your food. “They just like didn’t
have it so, sorry, bye.” And so that was it. It was just the little tiny
things like that all day long. – You never even got your dumplings. – Never got my dumplings. It was the worst. – That is a crap day. – Even at LAX when I
went back to get my bag, terminal four is where it was. All the garages were closed, so I had to walk from
terminal seven to terminal, I know there are worse things, guys. I know, I understand that. – But you know what it is? It’s not that it’s like the worst thing that ever happened to you. It’s just annoying. – All of the little
kind of annoying, yeah. – It’s like are you serious? One more thing. It’s literally like
watching, “Meet the Fockers.” It’s like everything that
could possibly go wrong, goes wrong. – So many times something would happen and I would just go (groans) – Yeah you need a pillow. – It was a lot. So anyway, happy to be here. (laughter) Hi. Did you want to say something? – Usually I’m the one that never shuts up. I love it. – Yeah I got a lot to say. – I will say this. I remember coming to set and I was like, “Whoa, this looks like a real store.” You go to the set and it really looks like you’re
about to just go shopping. – It’s surreal. – Yes it’s really weird. So when you go into a real super store like a big box store are you like, “Oh god.” – Yeah, I mean, here’s the thing. This season our show is a lot about the decline of brick and mortar retail and sort of what’s happened
with online and everything. I’m watching this happen in real life, especially with two kids. There’s just packages. – Amazon. – We get so many packages that the recycling truck
left us a note two weeks ago that was like, “Get another can.” And we have two cans. (laughter) – We have also had that issue. We got one. – It’s really bad. It’s hard to get other ones here, other cans. – No, it’s so much work, and we have two. – They only give you so many. – We have one big one and then
a little comically small one that’s for our tiny garbage. – Yeah, what am I
supposed to do with this? – So we don’t go as much as we used to, but when we used to go, I was stressed out going to those before ’cause it’s stressful going to a big store and I know I’m gonna end
up buying 35 more things. – That you don’t need. – That I don’t need at all. – But it’s so fun. – My wife is that times 1,000. – That’s me. – But then I went in with the stress of this is like my demographic. They’re gonna be so excited to meet me, and they never are. Nobody cares. (laughter) I remember going with my
wife and she’d be like, “Why are you pulling your hat down? “You look like you’re
gonna burgle the store.” (laughter) And it’s just like, “No I
don’t want to talk to people.” And by the end my hat was
off I was like, “Hey!” With a Cloud 9 shirt. Nobody cared at all. – You’re like the person wearing the pass. We always make fun of people on tour when they have their
pass on there backstage. I’m like, “You can get in? “Can you still get in?” We’re in like a movie theater. I’m like, “You look like a douche.” (laughter) I love that. – So that is what I used to do, yeah. – You’re so fun.

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