Apollo Gets a Break

Apollo Gets a Break


(applause) Listen, Jussie Smollett gets a break, now Apollo gets a break. (audience groans) Well, Phaedra’s ex husband, Apollo Nida, is getting out of prison sooner than he thought. (some audience members cheer) He’s already been in there for five years, how time flies, right? It seems like he just went, at least to me, it was back in 2014 that Apollo, from of course you know, Atlanta Housewives, was sentenced to eight years in prison for bank fraud and identity theft. (audience groans) But for whatever unknown reason, the judge has shaved a year off his sentence. So instead of getting out whatever summer, he’ll get out next summer. So this summer he’s still in jail, but the next summer he’ll be free. (audience groans) I gotta tell you something. You know, putting children aside, cause pedophilia and anything having to do with kids is the worst crime ever, but the second to worst crime ever to me, is bank fraud, credit card theft, forgery, cause that’s some slimy mess. I’m sure you all know people, and you might not even know that they’re those people, cause they’re not the ones that wear the masks, and look downtrodden. (audience chuckles) It’s really, as crimes go, they’re usually highfalutin style crooks, who do things to you, like they show at the cocktail party where you’re at, and they’ll have that magnet, they’ll rub up against you and you won’t even feel it (imitates buzzing). All your credit card information. Ladies, the machines are strong enough now they go through our handbags (imitates buzzing). They’re the ones, they see your checkbook laying around and take that check in the middle, you don’t even miss is; are experts of doing your signature, you won’t even know the money is gone until it’s gone. These are the ones that put gas bills in your name and you don’t even know. They’re the ones that when you get out of the car to run to the store for a pack of gum, they’re all in your glove compartment taking down your insurance information, putting insurance in your name on their cars. And the thing is, is that we’re so busy these days, a lot of us, it takes a moment before we even discover it. By the time we discover it– because one thing about fraud thieves, they change residence a lot, and they move around a lot. And usually they have few people who will hold them down, like have them live in a bedroom in the house or whatever. So anyway, Apollo– his sons. President and Vice president are now eight and five years old. (audience sighs) And he’s been in jail for five years, so The Vice President doesn’t even know his dad. (audience sighs) And The President could barely speak at that time, now he speaks full sentences, he’s got a very good vocabulary. They’re some cute kids, I’ll tell you, they are. (audience applauds) Apollo, you really messed up. Anyway, so Phaedra is now dating a Chicago DJ. I don’t know that I’ve ever met Tone Kapone, but that’s Tone Kapone. That’s a real popular DJ name that guys give is Tone Kapone. I wonder if he shouts her out, like when he does the Top 8 at 8 countdown. (audience laughs) “My girl, Phaedra’s coming in tonight, we’ll be over at the so and so, see you there”. That’s a come up for him. (audience applauds) So that’s what’s going on with her love life, and Apollo’s got a love life, remember, we talked about it here on Hot Topics, he’s been engaged for quite some time to this woman right here. (audience gasps) And she met him through those “Dear John” letters to prisoners. (audience laughs) Some women don’t think that there’s anything out here, so they’d rather right letters and wait. Well, there is word though that Phaedra might be returning to the Real Housewives of Atlanta– (audience cheers and applauds) And I never really got it straight whether she left Atlanta Housewives or she was fired. Either way, I’ve been saying all along, I think they need Phaedra back. (audience agrees) Yeah, right? (audience cheers) Even without Apollo, they need Phaedra back, and see Phaedra date now she’s with Tone Kapone, that would be good for his rating on the radio, and then she’ll break up with him, or him break up with her, and then she’ll go on and date over people, and she gives us the (mumbles). And she’s got an enviable twerk game in the whole bit, she who’s going to use her for a lawyer, you know now that she’s done Housewives, see who’s gonna let them bury their loved ones at the funeral home, you know she’s into that. (audience laughs) Well you know, I have to say, five years, it really did fly by. This it what I talked about in terms of Apollo, when it was announced that he was going to prison, take a look. Maybe reality TV will be over by the time he gets out. (audience laughs) You know, we can only hope. No but, when he gets out, maybe they could do a show, “Apollo goes Straight”?. (audience laughs) You know, Apollo gets a job– Apollo, nobody cares. (audience laughs) But you know what? I’m a woman and I’m allowed to change my, [Audience Members] Mind. That’s right. You know what, I do care. I do care, I wanna see Apollo on reality TV, but this is the only way I’ll accept him: Phaedra’s got to be hired back for Housewives of Atlanta. Then we gotta see Phaedra dating all around the place and navigating dating Apollo, and them co-parenting the kids. (audience applauds) All while, twerking and partying and drinking and fighting with the others, you know what I mean? (audience agrees) That plot line could really be the star of the Atlanta Jewel. What I don’t wanna see is too much of the kids. I like the kids and everything like that. (audience laughs) You know when the kids come in the room on reality TV shows, they tone down the ratchet and we need it to be brought back up. (audience agrees and applauds) But, it’ll be interesting to see whether The Vice President says, “Get off me, you ain’t my daddy”. (audience laughs). And The President says, “Who is you?” (audience laughs) Good news. Listen, and you might not agree with me, there are only two of us in Hot Topics who are obsessed with Sex and the City. It’s me, and my Bureau Chief, Jen. That’s it, everybody else doesn’t care. They don’t care. (some audience members cheer) Clap if you care! (audience applauds) I know my crowd. Hey Rambo– Oh Rambo’s not here, who are you? Hi! (audience laughs) You’ve got Rambo’s camera. Can you flip it around here they didn’t introduce me to you. Oh it’s Steve! Steve I didn’t recognize you from that angle. Just a little shoe cam. I like ’em. (audience cheers) Nice and comfortable. They cover the toe cleavage, if you don’t have good toes. I don’t have good feet. Anyway, look, so speaking of shoes, Sex and the City might be coming back to TV– (audience cheers) Paramount, the smart people at Paramount are developing, they say, a new show called, “Is There Still Sex, In the City?”. (audience cheers) It’s gonna be based on the creator, of Sex AND the City, Candace Bushnell’s new book coming out in August. Alright follow me– so we have summer reading, comes out in August. Shout out to whoever’s publishing the book, can you please send me a copy, like I need that. I need that in my life. I’ll read that before the Mariah book, and then I’ll get to the Mariah book. (audience claps) But that was Candace Bushnell, and might I suggest something to you, Candace? She’s the creator, you know, of Sex and the City, the show that we love so much, but she also is– she modeled Carrie after her in real life. And what I’m thinking Candace is: alright, so we’re fine, Samantha is gone, she doesn’t want to be on the show anymore, and we don’t want a rename of Samantha, but we do need an over sex character to meld with Carrie and Miranda and Charlotte. You can’t do the show with only three people, even though I love all three of them, but you need the over sex one. So I would suggest that Candace plays Samantha, right? (audience claps) Who would play it better than the person that created it? (audience applauds) So, the show that they’re doing– That’s for the movie, by the way. Oh gosh, I’m doing too many suggestions, that’s for the movie. Now the show, they say, won’t be featuring Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha. (audience gasps) Hold on, cause I found this to be a pretty good idea. The show is gonna focus on the habits, of upper east side New York City’s women in their fifties, which is perfect. What they date, what they wear, who they do, how they’re doing it. I like it, I’m watching, we won’t know these women, but we’ll get to know, I’m sure, and love them like our four original girls. Then we need to work on this movie, Candace, you play Samantha, and get that out there. Then the book please, get the book out to the fans sooner than August if you can, and also, one more thing if you really wanna celebrate and just really blow it out, Sex and the City people, I have a suggestion. Have a Sex and the City cruise. (audience cheers and applauds) Right? You have it for men and women. And if you need a host, (audience cheers) I’m your number one fan. I love it. Normally I think of cruises as being so cheesy, but I could do like five days with a Sex and the City theme, all kinds of parties and stuff. (audience agrees) Good luck. So, Lil Wayne is mad. (audience groans) And now I’m mad too. (audience gasps) (Wendy laughs) He’s ready to sue over an old notebook. Well, yes he can write. (audience laughs) I heard that co host. (audience laughs) A man who works for a car dealership, in other words like a mechanic or something, found Lil Wayne’s old notebook in a car that once belonged to Wayne’s record company. In other words, Lil Wayne’s notebook. The notebook was dated back from 1999. (audience gasps) It was in Lil Wayne’s garage, at one of Lil Wayne’s houses, during the hurricane Katrina, you know, he’s from Katrina territory, during hurricane Katrina when everyone was fleeing, nobody’s going in their garage and grabbing notebooks. The notebook was flooded, and there were a lot the writings that were runny, but you could still see what they said. The notebook is legible and still put together. And now, there is a company that wants to sell– A company that sells historic artifacts that wants to sell this book for 250,000 dollars. (audience gasps) Well Lil Wayne found out about this notebook, and now he wants it back, and he’s threatening legal action. Well, in it, it wasn’t a diary, it was lyrics, Lil Wayne lyrics, but you know what? I side with Lil Wayne, and I was the only one in our morning meeting. (audience claps) I tell you why. I feel like it’s not like he left it on the side of the road, or threw it in a garbage can. He left in stress, you know, while his part of the country was going through a terrible thing, and it’s only right that he gets this notebook back. And, Wayne, if they give it back to you, the right thing to do, is to give whoever gives it back to you a little tip. (audience agrees) A little tip. Have you ever lost, well you don’t write lyrics for songs, but have you ever lost a diary? Clap if you have. (audience claps) Well honey, I don’t know how you address your diary. You know, now that I’m grown I think diaries are dangerous and corny. I like to live life hard, and then forget about it. I don’t wanna look back and remember, and call myself stupid, stupid, stupid. (audience laughs) When I was a DJ in Washington, D.C And I got my first job, (audience cheers) at WOL, (audience cheers) and I got my first job in New York at Hot 103.5, (audience cheers) this is back– we do go way back, don’t we? And I got my first radio job in New York, I lost a diary, and here’s how it went down: first of all, the diary dated back from my entire senior year of college, I said, “I wanna remember my entire senior year, all the stupid stuff that I do”. And then my first paying radio job was in St. Croix, US, Virgin Islands, and I went there, and I journaled very specific, and then I got my job in D.C and I journaled very specific. And when I say specific, I mean, you would know that it’s Wendy Joan Williams’ diary, because I would address– I would write very, like, “She called me Wendy Joan Williams”, and then I’d put in parentheses, “(I hate when she calls me that)”, you know, “this B”, or, “he and I went out”, and then describe everything. Or, “I hate my job and here’s who I hate and here’s why”. So, the movers came to move me from D.C to New York, and when they did that, I had all the furniture and all the other kind of stuff over there, but I had a very specific piece of luggage with me, had some really nice designer handbags in them. Big piece of Fendy luggage, this is before roller luggage, it was a square (laughs) and I had all my designer bags in there, I didn’t have a whole lot, but what I had counted. And I also had my diary in there. The diary was like this thick, and full of juice. And I’m very meticulous, so I’ll be there bossing around the movers, telling them what to do and where to go. I guess either I went to the bathroom, or I was so busy caught up in my feelings bossing somebody, (audience laughs) that, my piece of luggage disappeared and I didn’t realize it until I finished paying the movers in New York, they left my apartment, and it might have been a few days later, cause I got right on the beat of radio, I think I worked a shift like that night. I hustle, you know. (audience cheers) I didn’t realize it, until maybe a week later, that, “oh my gosh, my luggage is gone, but forget the designer bags, if this New York thing works out I’ll be able to buy plenty of them. But, the diary! What if I become famous, the diary.” And now you know, you stupid movers. Stupid, stupid boys. Because boy oh boy, would you have some juice to tell. (audience applauds) Right from the horses mouth. Stupid, movers, they took the handbags, they probably threw the notebook away, saying, “Oh, what is she, a scientist or something?” (audience laughs) Not knowing. Anyway, did you watch Real Housewives of New York last night? Clap if you did. (audience claps) Okay, still not as many people as I would like. (audience laughs) Well I ride for them, it’s my favorite franchise. And then Jersey, and then Atlanta. Alright, we’re not gonna go through all that. (audience laughs) I saw a scene that smacked me as racially uncomfortable. I won’t say insensitive, and I’m not gonna say that they meant anything by it, but when I saw it, immediately I was like, “What?”. Alright, you take a look any then we’ll dissect. Hi, you look beautiful I though it was (mumbles) It was but I had a thing before and I tried to market it as this because I– No, I was gonna wear this sequin Gucci jacket but I thought I already had this on, but I feel like a little bit of a gangster Yeah, this is good Sit down Is everyone else coming up gangster? I don’t think you look gangster, I think you look just like cool. Thanks. She said I was a gangster. She look a little bit more gangster. Oh, you dressed gangster, I got it. So is the pink hair for the gangster– Yes! Or is that– Oh, wow, you went all out. (audience groans) Only clap if you thought that there was something a little insensitive there. (most of audience claps) Okay, cause even Jen, my sister in the name of Hot Topics, even she said that she didn’t think anything of it, she thought it was funny, she thought she looked cool. And I know Dorinda doesn’t have a racist bone in her body, neither does Bethenney, neither does Luann, but Bethany called the girls together, to have like a little intervention conversation between Dorinda and Luann cause they’d been fighting a lot and Bethenney wants everyone to get along. So that’s why she called it a gang- but she meant gangster like Italian I think, but she took it, to me, gangster like a black thing. (audience agrees) You’re forgiven Dorinda, I know you meant nothing by it, but look you all, you really do need to open your eyes and be a little smarter over there. (audience claps) Real Housewives airs Wednesday nights on Bravo. We talk about a lot here on Hot Topics, and how often have we talked about The Pope? (audience laughs) Alright, we don’t want lightening to strike the studio, (audience laughs) But, The Pope is finally worthy of Hot Topics. (audience cheers) For years it’s been a tradition that when you meet The Pope you kiss his ring, right? (audience agrees) Well this new Pope wants to be seen as the cooler Pope, a little looser on the morals, you know, getting with the times. So earlier this week, The Pope wasn’t having the ring kissing, and just look at the snatch back of the hands. (audience gasps and laughs) The Pope is throwing shade, the video went viral, and this is the thing, before you meet The Pope, the word is that they give you like a list of 25 things that you should do, and how you should act when you meet The Pope. And, to me, they’re missing one thing. They’re missing that one person. You know, when you’re next in line, there should be somebody standing there saying, “Today The Pope does not want his ring kissed”. Now, this Pope has a little bit of an attitude. He says, “Most of the time I don’t want you to kiss my ring, sometimes you can kiss my ring. It depends on the side of the bed that I wake up”. That’s that. So if you meet The Pope, just check his temperature before you kiss his ring. That’s all I’m saying. (audience applauds) We got more great show for you today everybody. (audience cheers) Up next, friend to the show, Empire star Tasha Smith is here, so grab a snack and come on back. (upbeat music)

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