30-Something Across America | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

30-Something Across America | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network


MUSIC AN ALL NEW OPRAH 30-SOMETHING ACCROSS AMERICA CAMERAS CAPTURE THE FRUSTRATION -It is challenging. -What do men say when they find out… THE SURPRISES THE JOB YOU’D NEVER EXPECT -I think I shocked the first couple of guys. THE STAY-AT-HOME MOM WITH EIGHT CHILDREN DOES THAT MEAN, CAN I ASK? AND THE ISSUE AFFECTING OVER A MILLION WOMEN -You feel a lot of shame, why? NEXT MUSIC OPRAH WINFREY: We sent our cameras coast to coast to find out what is it like to be 30 in the United States of America? Today, you’re gonna meet eight women from all walks of life. But first, we start with one of the biggest, the biggest issue for millions of 30-somethings. This is it. OPRAH WINFREY: Meet Julie Selick, 37, a Chicago pediatrician. DeChane Dorsey, 35, a Washington attorney. And Amy Reed, 32, a divorced working mom with four girls from Madisonville, Texas. They’re all single in their 30s and dating. JULIE: I find that dating these days is actually quite hard. I’ve tried JDate, which is a Jewish Internet dating service, Match.com, setups by my friends. And I recently adopted a dog, hoping to meet someone out in the dog park. OPRAH WINFREY: DeChane says, as a successful lawyer, men are often intimidated by her. DECHANE: None of my female friends have ever said I’m intimidating. I think it’s funny. Having an education, a house, a job, a car does not make me intimidating. It just makes me an adult living an adult life. OPRAH: After being married for nearly 11 years, Amy is learning how to date all over again. AMY: I wish there were a manual for dating because I have been out of the game for so long. It’s nerve-racking and it’s overwhelming. I run a criminal background check on every guy I go out with. AMY: You know, I have four daughters at home, so I have to be very careful about who I invite into our lives. OPRAH WINFREY: And at 37, Julie says her biological clock is ticking away. JULIE: My original goal 15 or 20 years ago was to meet a man, have a family, just like I grew up in, but it doesn’t seem to be going that way. DECHANE: I am prepared to go with the flow as far as marriage and children are concerned. I don’t believe that everyone was necessarily put on the planet to marry and to have children. AMY: I think most men are looking for baggage-free women. I don’t consider children a baggage. I think they’re the bonus piece to the set, but there are a lot of men who do not see it that way. OPRAH WINFREY: DeChane, Amy, and Julie say dating in your 30s can be a lot of work. DECHANE: Men tell me that they have more options ’cause they believe that they can date more people, they can take longer to make their mind up, that they can play the field a lot more. I think men are looking for the perfect woman, and I don’t think the perfect woman exist. JULIE: I do feel like I’ve tried to put myself out there, but I’m not willing to settle. I don’t know why it’s so hard. If I did, I would fix it. AMY: I do understand why a lot of women just kind of throw dating out the window and give up on it. I think that there’s some guy out there who’s gonna make all the difference in my life, and so I just keep dating and I keep waiting. OPRAH: That’s the story for so many 30-somethings and 40- somethings, too, and 50-somethings, but here’s something interesting. OPRAH: There are 6.3 million single women in their 30s in the United States of America. 6.3 million. So when you were younger, did you all expect that you would be married by now? DECHANE: Well, I never really decided I might get married until college. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. DECHANE: And when I decided at that point in time I might like to get married… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. DECHANE: …I figured by 35, I would be getting around to hitting the altar somewhere. OPRAH: You thought you would? DECHANE: I thought I would. OPRAH: And you thought you would? AMY: And I was… OPRAH: You were, and then you divorce, yeah. AMY: …and now, I’m out of that and finding myself back in it again. OPRAH: Uh-huh. AMY: So I think growing up, that’s what I always wanted was to be a wife and be a mom, and didn’t expect I would find myself single again. OPRAH: Do you want to be married again? AMY: I would like to be, yes. OPRAH: Uh-huh. Why? AMY: I’d, I, I feel like my children and I have so much to offer, and I, I feel like just having that extra person in our lives would just kind of complete everything… OPRAH: Really? AMY: …and I’d like to have somebody to share that with. OPRAH: Okay. Julie? JULIE: I’m not sure I even need to be married. I just wanna pursue my life, have kids maybe even on my own, and I set goals for myself. When I was 25, maybe I’d be married by 30. When I was 30, maybe by 33. Then 33 came, 35. Now, I’m 37 and I don’t need to wait anymore. I’m just gonna do things on my own, possibly. OPRAH: Do what things? Like having children? JULIE: Like have children on my own. OPRAH: Have you made the decision to do that? JULIE: I have. I have. OPRAH: How are you gonna do that? JULIE: I’m going to probably investigate sperm donor, anonymous donor. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JULIE: Do it artificially. And… OPRAH: ‘Cause you want a child that badly, that deeply. JULIE: Yes. Yep. And I want it to be my own biological child. OPRAH: And Julie says that she is thinking about hosting a donor-choosing party. JULIE: Yeah. OPRAH: Yeah. JULIE: Having my girlfriends over, some wine… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JULIE: …and a list of the donors’ information… JULIE: …and choose one. Have them help me choose one. OPRAH: And so, DeChane, I heard you told the producers that men make assumptions about women in their 30s. DECHANE: Absolutely. I think a lot of times they assume that if you aren’t married, you want to get married. And so, instead of meeting you and approaching you in a manner that’s just very basic–I wanna get to know you, who you are, what your likes and dislikes are–I think they walk in the door expecting you to try to strong-arm them into getting married, and it scares them away. OPRAH: Now, you just said on the tape something that I’ve heard my friend Gayle say for a while. You said, you know, I’m a lawyer, I’m a working woman, I–but I’m not in–I don’t’ think that I’m intimidating. DECHANE: Right. OPRAH: Yeah. DECHANE: A lot of the men I meet are professional, highly educated… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. DECHANE: …have a house, have a car, have a home, just like me. I would think they would find it more unusual if I walked into the picture not having anything. But I think after 35 years of living, working, and being driven… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. DECHANE: …that I should have something to show for it. OPRAH: You should. DECHANE: Right. OPRAH: But I said this to Gayle. Gayle was saying she wasn’t intimidating. I go, but you are. Because when a man looks at the package, they look at the whole package. They look at your boots. They look at–they do. He’s looking at your boots. He’s checking out the kind of pocketbook you’re wearing. He’s looking at your belt and he’s saying, can I afford to keep that up? OPRAH: That’s what he’s saying… DECHANE: Yeah, yeah. OPRAH: …and that is what is intimidating. ‘Cause Gayle was going, saying to me, I’m not intimidating, I’m not intimidating, and then I heard you say it. I hear women say it all the time. It’s not about you, your personality, your–the way you treat the guy. It’s about he looks at the whole thing and says, I don’t know if I can afford those earrings. I don’t know what kind of presents I’m gonna be able– I don’t know where I can take you that you haven’t been already. And that’s what’s intimidating. That’s what I know for sure. OPRAH: That’s what’s intimidating. But that doesn’t mean, you know, that doesn’t mean you should settle ’cause, yeah, you should be intimidating. You’ve been working all this time, you went to college, you got your degree, you’re a lawyer. You should be. DECHANE: Right. And the reality is, I can buy my own boots. AMY: That’s right. OPRAH: That’s right. DECHANE: I’ve been buying–I mean, I must say, for all the years… [Applause] OPRAH: That’s the way I look at it. That’s the way I look at it, too. DECHANE: Yes. For all the years I’ve been dating, and it’s been a number of years now, I have never, ever expected or accepted an expensive gift from a man. OPRAH: Uh-huh. DECHANE: So, everything I have, I bought. OPRAH: You did it yourself. Yeah. But I don’t think that’s the way men think. It would be interesting to talk to men. DECHANE: It would be. OPRAH: What do men say when they find out that you–is it, I think, having four children? AMY: I have four. OPRAH: Four. Ooh. AMY: Yeah, it’s not that I have kids, it’s how many kids I have. OPRAH: Yeah. AMY: So, really… OPRAH: That makes it tougher. AMY: It is very tough. Not everybody wants a large family, and certainly not everybody wants to take on somebody else’s large family, so it’s… OPRAH: It happens, but, yeah. AMY: It happens, and there are men who will say, oh, it’s fine. That’s, oh, I love kids. That’s no problem. And it’s not as long as you don’t bring the kids back up again throughout the rest of the conversation, so it is challenging. OPRAH: Do you lead with it? Do you–like, if you’re out on a first date with a guy, or before you go out on a date, would you say to the guy, you know, I have four kids? AMY: I always let it be known up front. I am a single mom and I have four children. I have never hidden that. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. AMY: I don’t think it’s fair to the guy I go out with. OPRAH: Yeah. AMY: And I think I deserve better than somebody who would not be interested in that. OPRAH: Yeah. AMY: So… [Applause] AMY: …I don’t, I don’t feel I force my kids on people because I think once people meet my kids, they’re, they’re going to fall in love with them on their own anyways. I don’t have to force them on anybody. But I like to have an adult conversation, and the kids certainly don’t have to be the entire conversation. OPRAH: Right. So, Julie, I heard you had a date on Sunday? JULIE: I did. I did. OPRAH: This past Sunday. JULIE: Mm-hmm. A brunch date. OPRAH: A brunch date. JULIE: It was par for the course. [LAUGHTER] JULIE: I don’t know how many dates I’ve been on, but it’s not a problem of that there are no men to date, it’s that I’m not meeting anyone that I’m attracted to, nobody that I think is quality. And I find… OPRAH: Or donor-approved. JULIE: Well, yes. JULIE: Or worthy, or worthy of me and what I have to offer and what I wanna do and… OPRAH: Yeah. Now, where does– do you have pressure to get married? DECHANE: Personally, I don’t anymore. OPRAH: Good. Good, good. DECHANE: No. OPRAH: You don’t to remarry? AMY: Well, at some–on some levels, because people will see me as a single mom, that that is something wrong, something’s missing, and that, oh, you poor thing. You’ll find somebody. Don’t–I have a grandson and I think he’s almost broken up with his girlfriend, or, you know, I mean… OPRAH: Yeah. AMY: …people, they will do that kind of thing because they don’t feel like it’s acceptable or that you can do it on your own and… OPRAH: But that is changing. I think what you said is true, that, DeChane, you were saying the expectation that, as a woman, you have to have children or you have to get married, I think that is changing. Do you not? DECHANE: Absolutely. OPRAH: Yeah, I think it is. DECHANE: Absolutely. OPRAH: Yeah. DECHANE: I was kind of raised in a family where a number of people, even married relatives, have chosen not to have children, so it’s never been the expectation that you have to get married, that you have to have children. It’s really more of being who you are and having a happy life. That’s really the focus for me. OPRAH: That’s the most important thing. Yeah. For everybody. OPRAH: So we thank you very much, Julie, DeChane and Amy. Coming up, she lives her life covered up from head to toe while teaching aerobics and raising four children. We’re gonna meet a 30-year-old Connecticut mom when we come back. [Applause] [Music] [Music] OPRAH: So what’s it like to be 30 in America in these days? We sent our cameras cross-country to find out. Our next stop takes us to New Haven, Connecticut and the home of a Muslim mom. OPRAH: Thirty-year-old Mubarakah Ibrahim is a busy mother of four from New Haven, Connecticut. She’s been married for 14 years to Shafiq, a police officer. MUBARAKAH: In the morning, my husband and I get our kids up and we start the day off with prayer. OPRAH: While most families are gearing up for breakfast, Mubarakah’s family, devout Muslims, begin their first of five prayers for the day. Mubarakah juggles the hectic demands of home and family with a surprising career. She’s a certified personal trainer. MUBARAKAH: Currently, just about my entire clientele are non- Muslim women. OPRAH: Her daily challenge is finding workout clothes that fit in with her faith. MUBARAKAH: As Muslim women, we can only show our face and our hands. So, generally, most workout outfits are either short sleeves or they’re too tight. This is where I have to be quite creative. I added the additional length to the sleeves and added additional length to the shirt. I try to at least look like I’m matching and I have some kind of style. So, generally, my headscarf will match my outfit. OPRAH: Because prayers occur throughout the day, sometimes Mubarakah has to excuse herself from a workout… MUBARAKAH: I need to take a few minutes to go pray, so why don’t you come on and do your cardio. OPRAH: …to honor her faith. MUBARAKAH: Day to day, our lives are probably like every other busy family. The activities that my kids do is probably like every other kid in America. My 12-year-old is in football, so we’re all bundled at games with all the other parents. My daughter loves Bratz dolls. My 10-year-old’s greatest dream is to get an Xbox that costs $600. We like going hiking. We enjoy doing a lot of outdoor activities, or the kids might ask to go to Krispy Kreme, but of course, as a personal trainer, we can only do that about once a month. In the end, all of our goals are the same. All of us wanna raise our kids to be contributing members to society, to be healthy, to be happy, and no matter where you choose to worship, every woman wants to know how do you get rid of cellulite. OPRAH: So you’re an orthodox Sunni Muslim, so explain what that means. MUBARAKAH: An orthodox Sunni Muslim is a Muslim that practices according to the written scripture, so the most obvious of that… OPRAH: The scripture of the Koran? MUBARAKAH: The Koran. Islam has two scriptures. One is the Koran, the other is narrations which we call hadith… OPRAH: Ah. MUBARAKAH: …which is how the Prophet Mohammed, who lived in Arabia 1500 years ago, described the commands of God. OPRAH: Okay. MUBARAKAH: How do we implement them in our daily lives. OPRAH: So it means you do believe in God. MUBARAKAH: Yes. Definitely. OPRAH: Okay. Okay. And what are the basic tenets or principles of your religion? MUBARAKAH: As far as our beliefs, we believe, first of all, that there is only one God… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: …that he has no partner, no son, and there’s nothing like unto him. He is a supreme being. OPRAH: So you don’t believe in Jesus. MUBARAKAH: We do believe in Jesus, but we believe in Jesus as a prophet of God. OPRAH: Okay. Not as the son of God. MUBARAKAH: Not as the son of God. OPRAH: Okay. Okay. MUBARAKAH: The Christian story of Jesus and the Muslim story of Jesus is almost exactly the same except for the difference between Christians believing he’s the son of God and Muslims believing he’s a prophet. We believe in the Virgin Mary and he was conceived through immaculate birth and all the miracles he created. It’s just about exactly the same. OPRAH: And so, are your practices, your actions, then belie, your beliefs, so that means you don’t lie or cheat or steal and all that? Yeah. MUBARAKAH: Right. Right. Definitely, all of the universal–we believe in the 10 Commandments. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: We believe in Moses and all of those things. OPRAH: Okay. Okay. All right. So explain the Muslim tradition of having to cover your head, what it–cover everything but your hands and your face. And the reason for that is what? MUBARAKAH: It is an actual command in the Koran… OPRAH: Uh-huh. MUBARAKAH: …and it is also reiterated by the prophet, that this is something that’s obligatory for every woman once she reaches puberty. OPRAH: Really. MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: And so, when do you take it off? MUBARAKAH: We can take it off in the house. So we only–we cover…. OPRAH: So in the house, you can take it off. MUBARAKAH: Oh, yes. OPRAH: Okay. MUBARAKAH: We only have to cover around non-related males. So I can take it off in front of my husband, my brothers, my sons, my uncles, my grandparents. OPRAH: Okay. Okay. All right. And so, when you walk in and you have your Muslim cover on, and the people don’t understand it, what do you say? MUBARAKAH: Well, normally, I don’t– if people don’t understand it, they just stand there for a minute, and I just try to be very personable with them. And I definitely–I think I’m very inviting that allow people to ask me questions. OPRAH: Yeah. MUBARAKAH: So I’m very open as far as questions. When I first became a personal trainer, I actually started with in-home personal training, and I think I shocked the first couple of clients. You know, they’re talking to me on the phone, we’re making an appointment, we’re talking about, how I can help… OPRAH: And then you show up. MUBARAKAH: And then I show up. MUBARAKAH: So, after… OPRAH: They’re like, I think you have the wrong house, ma’am. MUBARAKAH: After about client number five, I just very nicely say, and you’ll know who I am because I’m Muslim and I cover, and they’re like, okay. So it takes a little bit of the edge of the shock off. OPRAH: Yeah. Okay. You got married at 16. MUBARAKAH: I got married at 16. OPRAH: Were you ready? MUBARAKAH: I think so, simply because it’s the way that my mother raised me. OPRAH: Was she ready? MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Yeah. So, you–so, okay. MUBARAKAH: See, I think… OPRAH: Do you meet and fall in love and all that? MUBARAKAH: No. OPRAH: You don’t. Your parents are… MUBARAKAH: The Islamic courtship is a lot different than a regular American courtship. We met through a mutual friend. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: I came to New Haven, Connecticut from Massachusetts to a wedding and–some women in the community just met me and said… OPRAH: At 16? MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Okay. MUBARAKAH: And they said, I know this guy you just seem like you’ll be perfect for. Do you wanna get married? And my first response was, no. And then it just kind of developed into a, okay, well, maybe I can at least meet him, and then we met. OPRAH: Did you date? MUBARAKAH: Well… OPRAH: You don’t date. MUBARAKAH: No. We don’t date. When you want in–dating in Islam is forbidden. We don’t date. OPRAH: Yeah. Okay. MUBARAKAH: Teenagers don’t date. OPRAH: Okay. MUBARAKAH: So when you meet somebody and you’re talking to them, the purpose is for marriage. So you’re getting to know each other to know whether or not that’s somebody you wanna be married to. So our dating was more like… OPRAH: And that is all that, that’s–so the minute you start talking, that person knows you wanna get married. MUBARAKAH: That’s the only reason why you should be talking to him. OPRAH: Really? MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Well, do you talk to a lot of guys? MUBARAKAH: Well, no. MUBARAKAH: I guess that depends. I think he was probably number two for me. My sister’s 23 and she’s probably gone through about five. OPRAH: Really? MUBARAKAH: Yeah. OPRAH: Where you just talk. MUBARAKAH: Well, we talk–a date is more like a family dinner, a family trip to the mall. OPRAH: Do you have to be escorted? MUBARAKAH: Yes. A man and woman can never be alone. There always has to be a third party. So even when we were on the phone, my mother was either in the room with me or she was on the other line. OPRAH: We would say, as Tyler Perry would say, Hallelujah. OPRAH: Good gracious. Hallelujer. So I guess you don’t have things like an epidemic in teenage pregnancies. MUBARAKAH: We don’t. The Muslim community, there’s a lot of things that affect regular America that are… OPRAH: You don’t have drugs and all that? MUBARAKAH: We have them. OPRAH: Yeah. MUBARAKAH: It is very–it’s a lot less as far as statistics. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: But we have them simply because Americans are becoming Muslim and we are in America, and so a lot of the things that… OPRAH: Yeah. And the America’s Islam is–the Islamic religion is one of the fastest growing. MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Yes. So I heard that you gained 15 pounds after 9/11. MUBARAKAH: Yes. I gained 15 pounds after 9/11 because of a lot of the backlash against Muslims. My husband said, absolutely not, you can’t go out running. ‘Cause I love to run. That’s my first form of exercise. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: And in what you saw me on the film is, I run, you know, 3, 5 miles a day, and… OPRAH: In your whole Muslim cover. MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Yeah. MUBARAKAH: And after September 11th, I didn’t go out for probably–by myself for probably a good two months. OPRAH: Really. And there’s still a lot of myths about your religion, don’t you think? MUBARAKAH: Yes. Definitely. A lot of myths–the first one, I think, that I personally have to get over is people automatically think I’m from another country. OPRAH: Really. MUBARAKAH: But, you know, my mother’s family is Cherokee and my father is African American, so I’m as American as it gets. OPRAH: Yeah. Wow. MUBARAKAH: And a lot of people are surprised. Normally, I get that where are you from? And I’m like, America. No, no, where are your parents from? OPRAH: And you say you represent from new generation… MUBARAKAH: I do. I think that.. OPRAH: ..for Muslims in America. Yeah. MUBARAKAH: Definitely, because we’re no longer immigrants or converts to Islam.. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. MUBARAKAH: …but rather American-born Muslims that lead regular American lives that incorporate our Islamic beliefs and practice into our every day. OPRAH: Yeah. And that is what is so fantastic about this country, is that it’s a country that allows people of all religions, all faiths, to come together… MUBARAKAH: Yep. Definitely. OPRAH: …under the umbrella of the United States of America. MUBARAKAH: Definitely. OPRAH: So thank you very much. MUBARAKAH: Thank you. OPRAH: And thank you very much. Coming up, she’s been a mom for 20 years and is still in her 30s, and how she’s raising and home-schooling her eight children. Next. What’s it like to be 30 with eight children? [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] OPRAH: I meant to ask you this. If you pray five times a day, so if you’re in the middle of, like, a restaurant and you’re doing something, you have to stop and pray? Is there certain times you have to pray? MUBARAKAH: There is a time span, so we have, like, from the time the first prayer comes in, we have normally a good two-hour period, but it does put you in a situation of having to pray in unusual spots, like at the movies in a corridor. OPRAH: At the movies in the corridor. MUBARAKAH: Yep. OPRAH: You stop and pray. MUBARAKAH: Get up from the movie. OPRAH: Couldn’t you just–would God understand if you did three prayers together? MUBARAKAH: The only time it’s permissible to join prayers is when you travel. OPRAH: When you travel. MUBARAKAH: Yes. OPRAH: Okay. Thank you. Our next stop on our cross-country tour visiting 30-year-old women in America takes us to the small town of Washburn, Tennessee. OPRAH: Meet 37-year-old Angela Ray, her husband Terry, and their eight children–Tara, Tyler, Melody, Joshua, Charity, Jeremiah, Gloria, and Josiah. ANGELA: I’ve been a mom for 19 years. I do not try to be Supermom. I know that’s not who I am. OPRAH: The day starts bright and early in the Ray household. ANGELA: My day begins at 7:00 in the morning. A good morning does mean a good day. If we can get off on the right foot, hopefully, we’re gonna stay on it. You don’t want any more. Say, no, thanks, mom. OPRAH: And after the morning cleanup, instead of sending the children off to school… ANGELA: Does everybody have out some of your books? OPRAH: The dining room turns into a classroom and Angela becomes their teacher. ANGELA: What letter is this? DAUGHTER: (Unintelligible). ANGELA: It’s the R. DAUGHTER: R. ANGELA: Mm-hmm. We decided to home-school because we wanted to give our children a Christ-centered education and we wanted to have that time with them. Complete your sentence. You had it correct. We’re grateful for the opportunity to do that. I want you to go get the dictionary downstairs and look that up, and you let me know what that means. OPRAH: Even recess is built into the home-school day. ANGELA: I let the kids swing and run around and just have some fun. We have a lot of fun each day. My goal is not to give my children lots of chores and schoolwork just to make sure they do it. I want them to love doing all these things in the process, and I think that fun builds relationships and ties heartstrings, and I want that for them. OPRAH: To help manage their busy lives, there is one thing Angela says she cannot live without. ANGELA: This is our family schedule. This right here is my salvation. It helps me to get through my day. All the children and me are on this schedule. We begin at 7:00. I have it in 30-minute increments all the way to 9:00 bedtime. I definitely feel like a captain of a ship. I want to make sure everything is running smoothly and we’re on course. OPRAH: There is no nanny, no baby-sitter, no housekeeper. ANGELA: There’s a lot to be done each day, but the kids help me with everything from making beds to washing dishes and cooking food and laundry. We all pull together, and that’s what really works for us to keep things going. Being a mom of so many children, it can be stressful at times. I guess for some it would be a burden, but for myself, I feel this is my calling. I am living the life that I want to live. I would choose no other. OPRAH: Congratulations. That’s the hardest job on Earth. That’s the hardest job on Earth. That’s the hardest job on Earth times eight. ANGELA: Ooh. OPRAH: A recent Associated Press article says that big families may be in again. And, so, you didn’t do it to be in or out. I’m sure, right? ANGELA: No, no. OPRAH: Do you want more children? ANGELA: I would love more kids, yeah. I would love, I would love more. We’re just–we’re waiting. OPRAH: To have more? ANGELA: We would love more. Our baby–our youngest one is almost 3. And usually by now I’m nursing somebody. I don’t have one to nurse right now. OPRAH: Really. ANGELA: I’m just waiting, but I want to be content whether I have more or not. OPRAH: Really? ANGELA: Yes. OPRAH: And so, is there a number that you wanna have? ANGELA: We have never placed a number on our family. OPRAH: Yeah. ANGELA: We’ve always just been open to having children. OPRAH: Does that mean–can I ask– you don’t use birth control? ANGELA: Not really. OPRAH: Not really. ANGELA: No. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. OPRAH: Okay. So what is the longest you’ve gone without being pregnant. ANGELA: Right now. My baby is almost 3. OPRAH: Baby is almost 3. So this is the longest span. ANGELA: This is the longest span. OPRAH: So the oldest is 19, you told me. ANGELA: Yes. OPRAH: And the youngest is 3. ANGELA: Yes. OPRAH: Okay. So across America, approximately one million children are home-schooled, and the numbers are growing every year. And why did you decide, you and your husband, to do this? ANGELA: My oldest daughter went to kindergarten and first grade in public school there in Knoxville. But we–I guess it was after we had our oldest son James. We decided we wanted to bring Tara home for a Christ- centered education, and we wanted to spend that time with our children. We wanted to build relationships. It has been tough. There are some times you think, oh, I can’t do this. I’m not qualified. OPRAH: Do you think you will always home-school them? ANGELA: I hope so. OPRAH: Really? ANGELA: Yes. OPRAH: Into their high school years? ANGELA: Yes, I hope so. OPRAH: Really. Well, what a pleasure to meet you. Thank you very much. ANGELA: Thank you. OPRAH: You’re a mother who’s getting it right. ANGELA: Thank you. OPRAH: Coming up, she is a 34-year-old, first generation American. Her story is next. 37 and eight children. ANGELA: Yeah. OPRAH: God bless you. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] OPRAH: And, so, now we’re looking at what it’s like to be in your 30s in this country. It’s as diverse as the people. The next stop on our tour of 30 something women across this country is Laguna Beach, California, the home of Yvette Cabrera. OPRAH: Meet 34-year-old Yvette, a journalist and first- generation Mexican American. YVETTE: I was born here in the United States. My parents are immigrants from Mexico City. My dad began to work as a gardener, landscaping people’s homes, and my mom would clean the same homes that my dad would work at. OPRAH: Yvette grew up in two different worlds–an American life at school and a traditional Mexican upbringing at home. YVETTE: My dad was always very strict with us growing up. You know, spending the night at people’s houses was a definite no-no. And I think that was some of the values my parents brought from Mexico. We couldn’t drive until we were 18. No boys within a one-mile radius of our house. YVETTE: So, my friends always kind of, you know, they struggled to understand, you know, why, you know, why are your parents so strict? OPRAH: Since her parents spoke little English, as a child, Yvette often had to translate. YVETTE: It was kind of weird, you know, going to the doctor’s office with my dad. But I always felt–I always was so proud of my parents that I felt like I need to be there for them. So, even though, oh, I’m sorry, even though it was sometimes hard. OPRAH: Now as a 34-year-old woman, Yvette makes the two-and-a- half hour drive to see her family almost every weekend. YVETTE: Family is not just about Christmases and special celebrations, it’s about having that connection on a regular basis. When we were growing up, the kitchen was really the heart of our home, ’cause it’s where we always cooked, but it was more than just about cooking. It was about my mom telling a story, it was about catching up on gossip and just hanging out. And we’re making sopas today, which are pretty labor- intensive. So, when we were growing up, we usually did them on the weekends, not during the week, because it basically took the whole family to make them. OPRAH: Every fall, in the Mexican tradition, Yvette and her family gather to honor her father and other relatives who have passed away. YVETTE: The Dia de los Muertos, which is Day of the Dead, is a tradition in Mexico. And the idea is that starting October 31st, the spirits come back to the earth. And that’s a time for you to visit with them. This is a way we can talk about death without it being a sorrowful thing. It can be, it’s supposed to be a celebration. OPRAH: The Latino population in the United States has doubled in the last 16 years, making them the fastest-growing minority group in America. And you’re a first-generation American. What does… YVETTE: Born here. OPRAH: Yeah, in the United States. What does that mean to you and your family? YVETTE: Well, for me, it was about growing up in two worlds, having my one foot in Mexico, one foot in the United States. On the one hand, at home, we would cook Mexican food. My dad used to listen to boletos, a lot of the the music that–from Mexico. But at school, I had friends from all backgrounds. We–watched MTV, we listened to Madonna. But it was somewhat difficult navigating between the two worlds. But now as a journalist, I see how much that impacted me because it allowed me to see different perspectives. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. YVETTE: I was fortunate in that because I had mastered the language, I wasn’t discriminated against. But my parents had a lot of difficulties because they couldn’t speak English as well. OPRAH: Yeah. You helped your parents with their jobs, right, a lot? YVETTE: Exactly. OPRAH: Yeah. YVETTE: My dad would pick us up after school. We’d rake and weed. And on the weekends, Saturday mornings, we’d get up at 5:00 and go with him. We’d help my mom clean homes as well, you know? OPRAH: And I hear in your culture, in the Hispanic culture… YVETTE: Yeah. OPRAH: …Latino culture, that family is really everything. YVETTE: Oh, yes. Yeah, I have friends who have parents who live on the East Coast, and they see them just for the holidays. And I can’t even imagine that. And I think it was even more so because when we were growing up, it was mainly just my nuclear family– my parents and my sisters and I. Most of my aunts and uncles were still in Mexico. And so everything that we went through, we went through as a family. OPRAH: Mmm. YVETTE: And so we leaned on each other. OPRAH: Yvette is a columnist for the Orange County Register, and you say you try and dispel stereotypes in your column. How? YVETTE: Exactly. Well, some of the stereotypes out there are, you know, that we’re all criminals and we all drop out of school. And, so, what I try to do, like… OPRAH: Same stereotypes we have. YVETTE: Exactly. OPRAH: Yeah, yeah. YVETTE: And so what I do is I–you know, a lot of people think, well, Latino parents must not care about education if their kids are dropping out of school. So, one example, I did a story on a woman from Cal State Fullerton who–when she graduated, she had her father walk the stage with her because her diploma was his diploma. OPRAH: Yeah. YVETTE: And he was a janitor. And she said, you know, he may not have known how to help me through my courses or tutor me, or, you know, they didn’t have the resources maybe the other families didn’t have, but he was there for moral support. And he told her, you know what-just one day, she wanted to drop a class. And he said, Mija, you know, if you want to take a break, take a break. And she didn’t. She made it through and was able to walk the stage with her dad, and–because her success was his success. OPRAH: Fantastic. Thank you for being here. YVETTE: Oh, you’re welcome. OPRAH: As a 30 something, thank you. Thank you, Yvette. We’ll be right back. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] -NEXT, IT’S A PROBLEM MORE THAN A MILLION WOMEN IN THEIR THIRTIES ARE FACING AND SHE SAYS SHE SPENT $46,000 TRYING TO SOLVE IT MUSIC MUSIC OPRAH: We’re talking today to women in their 30s all across the United States of America. 31-year-old Jenna is a teacher from New Hampshire who says she never dreamed her 30’s would be like this. JENNA: I built a dream of what my life would be like in my 30s. I was going to have two children and maybe a third on the way. That perfect young American family. OPRAH: 31-year-old Jenna Nado and her husband Mike had their plan. Soon after they married, they tried to start a family. JENNA: Everything came exactly the way it was supposed to–the jobs, the wedding, the home. And that missing piece is the children. OPRAH: Jenna could not get pregnant. Desperate to have a child, the couple saw a specialist who put Jenna on a fertility drug. Meanwhile, her sister and best friends were all having children. JENNA: Every day. As often as they think about their own children is as often as I think about the ones I should have. Everywhere I look are reminders of the choices I made with this family ideal in mind. I drive an SUV. I’m not loading kids into it as I planned. The house that we bought with the number of bedrooms is because it’s supposed to have children in it. OPRAH: After three months on the drug and still no baby, doctors told Jenna devastating news–she would not be able to conceive a child on her own. Their only chance to have a baby was through an expensive and often painful medical process called invitro fertilization. JENNA: This was the big, ugly one, the scary one. And, actually, Mike has to give me the shot. OPRAH: Daily injections of hormones are part of her routine. With every shot comes a dose of hope. JENNA: Every day I’m thinking, this could be the shot that creates that baby for us. OPRAH: So, after three years of trying, Jenna got pregnant. But after just 11 weeks, she lost the baby. And that moment was obviously devastating. JENNA: Yeah, it was horrifying. We had seen the baby’s heartbeat four times on four different ultrasound experiences, and we went in–we had graduated from our specialist and gone to see a regular doctor. So I felt really good. We were normal people again… OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNA: …and just like everyone else. And we had promised that we wouldn’t tell anyone until we got to that three-month mark. And so, at that 11-week moment, we were supposed to hear the heartbeat, and they moved the wand over me, and she turned the screen away and just said, I can’t find it. OPRAH: Hmm. JENNA: So, in that moment, everything, everything that we had started to let ourselves believe again was gone. OPRAH: So where are you now in the process? JENNA: Waiting. For a lot of women, infertility is about waiting. Waiting for the next cycle to start. In our case, it’s waiting to have enough money to be able to do another cycle. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNA: So… OPRAH: This is what Jenna wrote to us. For many women like myself, she wrote, it’s a daily reminder that I’m a woman who cannot perform the very function that is a woman. It is a bruise on the soul, always tender, painful, and much deeper than the discoloration of disappointment. And you also say that you feel a lot of shame. Why? JENNA: ‘Cause I’m a woman. I should be able to bear children. I mean that’s the basic difference between a man and a woman physically is this-the ability to bear children, and I can’t do that. I can’t do that unless there’s an army of people in a room with me putting embryos inside of me. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNA: And even then, I can’t hold them. So there’s a shame because I am, you know, in my early 30’s, and the people around me are having children and living their lives, and I feel like I’m stuck. I feel like I’m in a place where I can’t–I can’t move on until I get some end, some closure to this. OPRAH: Have you considered–what one of our other guests just said? Have you been able to come–to be at peace with it? Have you been able to… JENNA: I think… OPRAH: Have you been able to do that? JENNA: I… OPRAH: Because I hear this many times of people who–not saying this would happen to you–but people who wanna, wanna, wanna have children, can’t have children, can’t have children, and go and adopt children, and then they end up… JENNA: And then they get pregnant. OPRAH: And then they get pregnant. JENNA: It’s a miracle. OPRAH: Yeah. JENNA: Yeah, oh, yeah. That’s the nightmare. That, I have to say, is probably the hardest statement to hear because that’s why there’s shame. We, my husband and I don’t tell people a lot of–well, we didn’t until today… OPRAH: Yeah. JENNA: …tell people this. And part of it is because, I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna hear what I should do. I don’t wanna hear, go on a vacation, or it’ll just happen, or, you know–it’s not going to happen. I physically can’t carry a child. There’s no miracle it’s gonna happen for me physically. I’m not… OPRAH: Okay. So, can you hear that it might not happen ever for you? JENNA: I can hear, I can hear that. OPRAH: And can you be at peace with that? JENNA: I–not yet. Not yet. OPRAH: Not yet? JENNA: My, my life is about children. I mean, I, I’m a teacher. I have my, my life’s goal is to help kids to grow, to, to watch them be nurtured. And for me to be able to let that go, I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for that. My own biological children, I may at some point be able to let go of that dream. But we will adopt. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNA: Or, you know, we will have foster children. But I can’t let go of not being a mom. OPRAH: What has this period in your thirties taught you? JENNA: To be more empathetic, to be more patient, to not jump on someone and tell them, here’s a list of advice I can give you, when they tell me their problem, you know? OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNA: ‘Cause I, I know for me, when I do share with people, I get that, well, have you tried this, or have you tried that? And it’s not as easy as just telling someone what they ought to do–it’s… OPRAH: Yeah. It’s, it’s hard as letting go of a dream, that’s what it is. JENNA: Oh, yeah. OPRAH: A lifetime dream. JENNA: Oh, yeah. A dream. I can’t see myself 60 years old without children or grandchildren. I, I can’t see that in my mind right now. It’s not a part of it. It can’t be. OPRAH: Well, thank you. Thank you. The best, the best to you. OPRAH: Thank you, you and your husband. Coming up, when she hits 30, she made a life-changing decision. We’ll be back with that. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] MUSIC OPRAH: We’re talking to women in their 30s today. This is Jennifer from Menasha, Wisconsin, up north. JENNIFER: Yep. OPRAH: When she crossed the 30 mark, she made the decision to live her life from that point on with no regrets. And you did. JENNIFER: I wrote my obituary at 30. OPRAH: And what did it say? JENNIFER: It talked about–well, what I did is I wrote my obituary just like it would be if I die tomorrow. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. JENNIFER: So, it just kind of outlined my life. Then what I did is I sat back and I pretended I was, you know, 70, 80-year-old woman looking back at my life. And what–I didn’t want to have any regret. So, being older, looking back, what would I change? And then I decided I wanted another kid and to be a stay-at-home mom. OPRAH: That’s what you wanted to do? JENNIFER: I had one daughter when I was 25. OPRAH: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. JENNIFER: And then I, and then I had my other when I was 32. OPRAH: So, your gift to yourself at 30 was to write your obituary. JENNIFER: Right. OPRAH: Okay. This is some of what Jennifer wrote in her obituary. She describes her life like this. She says, I often wore a smile on my face. I loved people and did not know how to hate. I learned to live my life authentically and receive my satisfaction and joy from watching my children grow. And I’m so very proud of them for being themselves and for having such caring and loving hearts. ‘Cause that’s the kind of mother you want to be, to raise your children to do that. JENNIFER: Thank you. Yes. And one thing about writing your obituary, it’s hard for us to say great things about ourselves. When somebody dies, it’s all great things. Nobody, no obituary says, you know, Joe was really a dork, or whatever. OPRAH: Yeah. JENNIFER: It’s all wonderful things. OPRAH: Yeah, I know. JENNIFER: So, if you say positive things about yourself, you want to make sure you’re living that life. And… OPRAH: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And you update it all the time, I hear. JENNIFER: I update it. And, you know, I’m gonna update it when I get home because my dream of 20 years is to meet you. So this day is– really… OPRAH: Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, do an update. JENNIFER: I will. OPRAH: Now, you need to dream a bigger dream. JENNIFER: I do. OPRAH: Thank you, Jennifer. JENNIFER: Thank you. OPRAH: We’ll be right back. Thank you. Wonderful. Thank you. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] MUSIC OPRAH: So, today, we’ve been talking to women in their 30s, all pursuing different areas in their life. And I wanted to ask, what do you know now that you didn’t know in your 20s? DECHANE: Well, I think one of the things that I know now is that life is life. So, you have to just kind of go with the flow and go with your gut and your instincts and not hold on to bad experiences and bad people too long, waiting for them to change or evolve into something else. You just need to move on and count it all as a lesson. OPRAH: And Julie? Julie. JULIE: I know now that I am wonderful and I am capable and I’m on my own, probably. OPRAH: And you’re on your own. JULIE: I’m on my own. OPRAH: So, you’ve given up the dream of having a man to complete your life. JULIE: I am completed now. And if that comes along, that’s wonderful. But I am good now. OPRAH: Good. That’s the space to be in. That’s the space to be in. Anybody else? Hi. Stand up. MOLLY: My name is Molly. OPRAH: Uh-huh. MOLLY: I’m from Wisconsin. OPRAH: Yeah. MOLLY: And actually, I think, the one thing that I have learned in my 30s that I did not know in my 20s is how valuable my friendships are. OPRAH: Really? MOLLY: I think that has, you know, in your 20s, you have so many different outlooks and so many different things that you’re trying to get done. But once you really are sucked into your 30s and trying to figure out where your life is going, it’s the friends that kind of make the difference in your world. OPRAH: That is true. I think everybody can say that. OPRAH: That is true. Friends matter. We’ll be right back. [APPLAUSE] [MSUIC] [MUSIC] OPRAH: So, whether you’re single or married, Muslim or Latino, struggling to have a family or a mother of eight, there is a common thread that runs between us all. We all have the same desire to be valued, regardless of where we come from or what we may be going through, and to love the people most important in our lives. And that is our connection to each other. So, I say thank you to all of my guests today, and thank you to you at home for watching us. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC]

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100 thoughts on “30-Something Across America | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network”

  • Ravenesque One says:

    It’s a problem looking early 50’s in your 30’s, as these women do. There’s nothing wrong with their looks, it would just throw people off.

  • monkeynumber nine says:

    Everyone is clapping for the lady and celebrating her decision to deprive her future child of a father.
    🙄
    Because she is making a selfish decision about what she wants to do.
    She's not thinking about the child at all.

  • Hell no I wouldn’t want so many damn kids in my 30’s…. and then be their teacher. That’s insane. Of course it had to be due to religion. Thank “God” I’m not religious. I’ll just keep making money and travel as much as I want. Yikes

  • Oh the beauty of Islamic match finding is so stress free. You don't have to beat around the bush if you're looking for a serious relationship. In the Indian sub continent, the parents look for matches from known families in the community. I feel for women who have to go through dates after dates in bars and parks and hope they will be lucky.

  • Enjoying the pace of each segment. Relaxed, engaging guests. I wonder what the Lawyer Dechane is up to these days. Glad we can revisit these shows via Youtube.

  • I can't agree there aren't miracles. My hubby is medically sterile, and even though we took 3 years and also did fertility treatments and still could not get pregnant…. we got prayed over and got pregnant with zero help a month later!!!

    Ironically, after having 2 biological sons, I decided I wanted to adopt. Hubby said no, now that we can have our "own" children we should have more. I did not agree, I was willing to get pregnant again after we adopted one child. We both held our ground, 13 years later Hubby agreed to adopt….and we did. We adopted our daughter, then decided why not adopt one more. Loved adopting so much we made it fully our plan A. Hubby went in for a vasectomy for his if lucky, 6 sperm. 😲😄😄😄😄 He asked the doctor for a discount, the doctor laughed…..the irony!!! After his procedure, we adopted 2 more kids. And we are considering adopting again soon….its funny now, from zero kids to SIX kids!!!! So yes there are miracles, and they came both from my womb and my heart and all these kids are my own…..God is good.

  • I am 36 and have never been married. I don't date. I've been single for almost 16 years. I used it worry about finding a man because people have told me that I'm going to hell, and I need a man to make me an "honorable" woman. I now know that isn't true. I don't need a man. I can finance myself. I now love who I am and don't care if I die an unwed woman.

  • I'm 31 in relationship met when i was 18 is being single that bad? I have kids but no career and going through early menopause the joys lol

  • From a young age, women are conditioned to think that the best thing a woman can achieve in life is marriage. Many women by their late 20s and 30s learn through life experience that there is so much more to life and that marriage is not an achievement, especially to most of the single men out there who have little to offer to women who are totally self sufficient but stress. And quiet as it’s kept, many mothers are miserable and burnt out from working the “second shift.”

  • Chipembele Chipembele says:

    My God, there’s a lot of propaganda in this discussion. People need to research for themselves to understand Jesus’ title as “Son of God and Son of Man” . There’s so much misunderstanding regarding this title.
    You believe in he’s a prophet, and you believe he performed miracles: name a prophet who ever raised anyone from the dead!! Islam is shrouded in top secrecy you can only know what goes on in their society from people who’ve been Muslims and have come out to talk about what goes on! Islam may be “growing fast” only because their ideology forces you to join them! They want the WHOLE WORLD TO BE ISLAMIC!

  • As a gay person in 2019 who started dating at 19 in 2014, I can say that dating has been overall a bit worse. In 2014, I could easily find someone to date online like POF or Tinder and hang out and have a great time, but because I wasn't looking for a relationship, I never committed.

    However, now as I use dating sites today, people are more narcissistic, and believe everything revolves around them. But there are good people still around 😃

  • Katie Warburton says:

    To everyone asking for updates! My good friend is Jenna, the one who had infertility. She now has 2 healthy girls – 1 adopted, and 1 natural!!!

  • Help!! Oprah Winfrey !!, I informed you so many times that Pharrell Williams or his artists wanna murder me ,and signed some images to you , Why you still no reply ?All my actions and messages just procrastinate their murder plan .
    Next defunct composer is me ! Do they wanna murder their ghostwriter "ME" ?? They never deny my accusation.
    It's the original song of Happy :
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQFN_mwJnP8
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7pXfmEi_Pc….I
    published it on 2011, And HAPPY is published in 2013 ..they just plagiarized my songs , and never pay me any money. Tell Pharrell Williams and artists :Let's take a lie detector test !!

  • maria de jucilene tedesco says:

    Nobody is going to think your children are a bonus. It's not personal. It's just life. Only weirdos will think another person's children are a bonus!!! Watch out!

  • I remember when younger I used to lie and downplayed what I did to avoid being intimidating to men and be regarded as more attractive

  • I wish I could find out how they are doing now! You don't need a man to complete your life! I have my own cooking show and this keeps me going these days!!😄

  • I do need to say this: Men & Women are equal. We women have fought for equality. Men can't control anything about a woman and women can't control anything about a man except themselves. Men have the right to not want to pick up where divorced dad left off just as women have that same choice. I chose to wait it out or be single. At 35, I was told by my friends that men our age are divorced and have children. I said, "No. Not true. I'M not divorced with kids, so there's someone like me FOR me out there." I did NOT want to be a step-mother and have my own child placed behind his first children. I didn't want to be getting into it with the other woman he was married to. I didn't want to have one set of rules for her children and one set for mine, so I chose to wait it out. I kept my faith and I stayed true to myself. I married my "never before married" husband when I was 36 and he was 38 and we welcomed our only child exactly 3 weeks before our first anniversary. I was adamant that I would not bring anyone's drama into my life anymore as I had dated men prior who had children and I was ALWAYS treated badly by the ex-wife. To this day, 18.5 years later, we're still married.

  • The problem with the millennial generation (I am one) is that they think they can put off having kids for a LONG time. But many of my friends tried to get started after 30 and found out their fertility window has closed and struggle.

  • Sorry for sounding judgmental, but I think these women who can't stop having kids or who "want more" after having EIGHT are suffering from a serious mental illness.

  • i dont understand what oprah is saying about men finding women intimidating because they look at the whole package and think can i afford those. She is single and working. she can afford herself obviously. Sure shes high maintenance but she is allowed to be because she is the one maintaining!! But i guess the 2007 mindset was different

  • Why is Oprah asking the Muslim lady about her religious beliefs? What how does that contribute to the story about being 30 something and dealing with dating, marriage, etc?

  • The very function that is a woman is to be pregnant? Bwahahahha omg what is this the 1950s? Ridiculous! I choose to be childfree

  • Black and educated I swear it’s so hard I’ve literally lowered my standards just for a guy to tell me you’re to established! NEGRO WHAT?😩

  • Dominican- FamilyVlog says:

    At age 24 I had 2 kids, a man, rent. So many responsibilities, many many many days of sadness because I haven’t been able to live my youth. Or enjoy anything sometimes I hate my life

  • So many women want children, and so many children NEED mothers. If your heart is not open to adoption, is your heart open at all?

  • Jesus, this is depressing. Not the fact that there are single women in their 30s but the fact that they're treated abnormal like some sort of lepards or something. And the fact that they had to make a show about it.

  • Abisola Abiodun says:

    DeChane is off 'de chain'! She is no longer chained to societal expectations and she is chasing her destiny real good, not men. Bravo!!!

  • Leave the MIRACLE TO GOD, WHO HAS ALL POWER! Just maybe Gods plan for you is to adopt a child who needs loving parents.

  • Elizabeth Freer says:

    I understand why women independent and self reliant as am I.. have these challenges..there are to many “questionable” intentions out there and narcissists predators etc make a commitment confusing and perhaps “risky”..

  • Ingrid Johansson says:

    To any couple that can not conceive, travel, find joy in the little and the big things, create a life of joy a child would want to enter into. It is said many time after a couple adopts a child, they conceive. The more tense a couple is, the less likely having a child is. You have you have fun, you have to create joy everyday to allow the joyful spirit of a child to enter into your life experience. Many blessings!💜

  • Wow so many of these women seem ultra religious and socially conservative. I cannot relate. It's possible that men can't either. I know many of them were seeking husbands. Guys like wanna have fun, a lotta people do, and maybe not be coupled with someone sooo serious and religious/conservative their whole lives. I think that might be part of the difficulty for a lot of these women in finding mates, besides having a lotta kids, more money than many guys, and really high educational/financial standards. What about just like a real personality and physical connection? You know, what love is supposed to be about? They are being way too picky about things that shouldn't matter as much as someone's spirit, and it's driving them into singledom and infertility. Which are totally ok things, but that's not what a lot of them wanted. I also think that women should know if they wanna have kids more than anything in the world, mid thirties is actually advanced maternal age medically, they should try to have at least 1 child in their 20s bc that allows the body to get ready for childbirth when it is more fertile. It's kinda a myth you can have it all. You have to prioritize. I see a lotta women not understanding this, that they have to give things up, including social approval and complete independence. No judgement if people are living the lives they wanna live though.

  • I'm a mom of a 26 year old. He is very well educated and has a great job, but no time to find a young lady. And why should he settle for a woman who has kids or these princesses? These ladies that want the fancy and expensive clothes, purses, & shoes. He said he will not settle. So why is this all about women?

  • With as nasty as family courts are to men. I won't have or engage with women with children. If you fill a parental role as a step dad you can have to pay child support. No thanks. I will not marry. I don't need a contract handing you half or more of my assets and money to say I love a person. Sorry ladies you feminists and liberal family courts have made the prospect of relationships for men untenable. I will only date with strict walls in place. If you try to cross those walls I will end the relationship on the spot.

  • 4 kids what man wants that???? And please stop patting yourself on the back by saying you intimidate men, also the financially secure guy you want at 30 he can get a 20 year old.

  • Marriage and children are touted as must have for women and the only things that give you ultimate happiness, but no attention is placed on self-fulfillment and making a life of your own. If you find a good partner then that's fine, but often times you end up settling just because, and you have kids just because, and then you find yourself in a life that's just carrying you like a branch down a river.

  • So being single is an ‘issue’? That ‘plagues’ women? Wow, neging women much? We get a whole episode uploaded and this is the perspective? Because we are all basically supposed to be married with kids? And this is coming from Oprah? Cognitive dissonance anyone? 🙄 It’s like Candace Bushnell was actually more woke on this subject than Ops…

  • i LOVE THE PART OF SHARING THE LESSONS LEARNED IN 30s THE WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN EARLIER. I JUST DROPPED A CONTENT ABOUT MINE. CHECK IT OUT GUYS. THABK YOU!!!

  • NanaPearl pearl says:

    I admire the mom with the 8 kids. I know I couldn't do it! She seems to enjoy it so more power to this special woman. Off the subject her eyes are beautiful and she doesn't look worn out and tired.

  • 2019. 35. single. no kids. not interested either. i don't ever want to be responsible for making decisions that would affect another human being whether good or bad. not interested in a man either..it's just not worth the time or effort. focused on education and career and i'm good. i've always felt this way also in fact i feel a little more enlightened than my peers who are desperate (to me) for the whole man and kids package. i literally dont get it

  • We need Oprah back on primetime. Free tv. She helped bring people together and if you can't afford cable you're screwed. She brought people together

  • Some of those late 30s are now encroaching their 50s….Kinda curious about them now. Substitute the word" intimidating" for "cannot be conned"

  • The attorney was raised exactly how I was. As long as you have an education, career and independence, you can build your life in whatever way makes you happy. No pressure in kids or marriage

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