10 Products That Will Help You BREAK OUT of Jail!

10 Products That Will Help You BREAK OUT of Jail!

Ahh, dude! *upbeat music* What’s going on guys I am the bearded king of you Tanner is here joining me, and Tanner has collected 10 items that HE thinks will help me break out of jail. Yes, this is true.
Tanner: Yeah. I just spent 10 days in prison actually
Matthias: Just to verify it? Tanner: Yeah, just to make sure That’s great news. I wish you stayed Guys, also I wanted to let you know before this video starts There’s an important vlog up there that I want you guys to watch and I want you guys to take note of Because it is about me not making so many videos anymore and not being in so many channels So if that kind of makes you a little scared or a little worried, just don’t freak out go, watch that video I explain things But in this video, I’m gonna just make you laugh. That’s all this. Okay?
Tanner: You ARE laughing, I am laughing!
FIRST PRODUCT! Wait, is this to break INTO prison or to break out? Tanner: I don’t know, man! Tanner: Looks like a better-looking version of me. You wish! Come on dude, this guy’s like, “whats up?” Look at his dress shoes, dude, this guy’s not a guy that that goes to jail You see what I’m saying? He’s the kind of guy that other guys are like, “I will follow you ’till the end of time.” Tanner: Yeah, he looks like a guy that fights fires, actually so He just seems to be just all-around genetically lucky Tanner: Yeah, that’s genetics Yo, so I’m gonna get into the mood here, I’m gonna put this jumpsuit on. We got one for you, Tanner? Tanner: Yes
Matthias: Add to cart
Tanner: Here you go, jail bait! Tanner: Man, this is giving my some flashbacks to when I was in prison
Matthias: Oh yeah? You mean a week ago? Just so you guys know, I rescued Tanner out of a life of crime. Before Hi5 Studios, he was just like this garbage human being, and I taught him the ways of life. From the streets, I saved you. Where’s my thanks? Oh, I’ll give you a thanks! Just wait for one of these items coming up, dude don’t sweat, you’ll get there
Mattias: Is it a shiv? It’s a shiv! I’m gonna give you the biggest compliment ever: it suits you. Tanner: *groans* He’s never ever been given that compliment about anything he’s ever worn, except this. By the way guys, if these items are good or bad, I’m gonna rate it JAILED IT or BAILED IT. Which one’s which? I’m not sure, so I’m just gonna give random ratings. Alright, so check this out. Next item from Bob Barker, America’s Leading Detention Supplier America’s Leading — oh. “Hi, is there something I can help you with?” Should I? Yes, I recently got out of jail I’m just looking for some personal effects that make me feel at home Tanner: Do you wanna sink this website too is the question we have to ask. This could be SkyMall 2.0 No, I just felt so bad about what I did to SkyMall, like they removed– like so, I responded to the chat on the SkyMall video, [From SkyMall Video]
Sam: Live chat? Hi, Jordan! Oops, I forgot to put a question mark and now they’re not gonna know! Sam: He read it
Matthias: Oh, he read it?
Sam: They don’t leave you on read. Oh my gosh, he read it! He read it! I know Jordan. Jordan’s the type of guy that when you text him, he never texts back, but you know he read it! Am I right?
Sam: Preach! [Present Day Matthias]
And everyone just thought it was a blast, so everyone went to SkyMall and did that. And I didn’t ask anyone to do that. Do not do that kind of stuff. It’s not okay for me to be an idiot, it’s not okay for you to be an idiot. It’s one thing for one person to do it, but it’s another thing for like 200 people to do it To the point where they literally shut down that feature. Sorry SkyMall. I apologize. I don’t know the power of my actions, Or the stupidity of my followers. I’m sorry. Bob Barker, so that you guys know, supplies these types of products to detention centers. So here’s the thing, we cannot even get this unless we have our own jail. So here’s what we did: we set up a jail inside Hi5 Studios and No, I’m just kidding. We just found the products on Amazon. Tanner: Hi5 Studios is already a prison Ouch, dude *Help me* How’d you get out? Get back in! Where’s my baton? So here’s a similar product: Best NOAA Weather Radio for Emergency by Kozo Multiple ways to charge, self-powered… So basically, it’s a radio so that you can hand-crank it, people don’t need batteries And you can just listen to some sweet beats! In jail You know, to motivate your way out.
Tanner: It’s got like Eye of the Tiger on in your jail cell I’m coming for you! Add to cart. Boom. Here’s the big question: who listens to the radio anymore? Are people on the radio? Roasted.
Tanner: Gottem, actually didn’t you just appear on the radio? I did [Radio]
Radio guy: This guy is one of the most popular dudes on the internet [Radio]
And has about 9 thousand times more listeners and followers than we do [Radio]
Matthias: I dunno about that…
Radio guy: Nice to see ya!
Mattiahs: Hi, how’s it goin? So here you go, let’s crank this puppy! Look, we got a solar panel charger. Oh, so there is a battery in here. Oh, it’s on. That’s… that’s so nice! It’s like a rainstorm. Oh, it’s static! Tanner: What’d you think it was? :l
Matthias: I thought it was just some sounds that came along with it. I’m so far away from the forest Tanner: Why would you have solar panels in prison? I know you put it on your window, if you’re one of those lucky ones to have a window in your cell. Tanner: Wait, and do they let you listen to the radio in prison?
Matthias: I’m sure They let you watch TV.
Tanner: I’m thinking more solitary confinement. That’s more of MY experience. Dude, what did you do, dude? Tanner: What didn’t I do is the better question So, what didn’t you do? Tanner: What DID I do is the better question So here’s the antenna. Let’s find a station. This is great! Can you imagine trying to listen to entertainment this way? It’s just like purely static, and there’s just someone in the background, like an announcer for horses *horse announcer noises* Tanner: Oh, it’s Imagine Dragons This thing can only catch those signals upside down Here’s my recommendation for this particular product, all right? Get yourself an MP3 player. And if you can’t because you’re in jail, stop doing stupid crap. Do the things that are legal, and if you don’t know if it’s illegal to do or legal to do, it’s most likely illegal ya idiot. Ey, this bank, its door’s open and no one’s inside it, but it’s not really breaking and entering if I steal everything, right? Tanner: If somebody got a 30-year sentence at the age of 20, right? Boom. They get out tomorrow. Look how much the world has changed in 30 years, and they have to walk out and just be like, “what’s an iPhone?” You know what I’m saying?
Matthias: Yeah, it’s like time travelling.
Tanner: That’s great it’s like– it’s like *hysterical laughter* Ahh, double handcuffs– double cuffs. 199 dollars? What? I thought they were just tie wraps. Why wouldn’t you just use metal ones?
Tanner: Because it’s all about that Gucci style. This is more stylish than metal? For the criminals when they’re getting arrested, they’re like, “Hey, could you use the nylon ones, please? My friends are watching.” Let’s see if we can find it on Amazon. Oh, we did, and we found it for 13 bucks. But are they nylon? Ideal backup to steel handcuffs. Can be carried in back pocket, briefcase, glove compartment. Gives an officer the ability to control a suspect after one cuff is placed on the suspect’s risk– wrist. Suspect… Say that five times fast. Suspect’s wrist. Tanner: Suspect’s wrist. Suspect’s wrist. Suspect’s risk. Suspect’s wrists. SUSPECT’S WRIST. Yeah, you fell apart there
Tanner: NAW dude, I was keeping it together Special metter… *wheeze* Specher metter cutter! “How many restraint’s per package? Three.” Oh, so you get three! Why are the other ones so expensive? Add to cart! Ohhhh, okay. So in the previous one, there’s a ton of ’em. Oh, 100 per case. There you go, that’s why it’s 100 dollars (199), so it’s a dollar a cuff. That’s not bad, that’s actually cheaper than the Amazon one. Compact double cuff restraints. What is this thing?
Tanner: Let’s get a stick of butter. That’s gonna help you get out of the cuffs? Oh, there’s the metal cutters. Okay? Here’s the double cuffs… okay, Tanner Time to cuff you.
Tanner: Little do you know, I have some too.
Matthias: Oh, you got some ready? So this is what’s up. This is what it looks like, you see this? And I assume you just pull. Hey, boy!
Tanner: What’s up, old man?
Matthias: It’s 2018, you’re not allowed to be white! No way! That’s kind of difficult. You gotta have– the grip’s not great. Tanner: Let’s be honest, you don’t really have the strength of a cop. That is 100% true. I don’t have the strength of a cop. Even the ones that eat doughnuts all the time. I just feel like a psycho! That’s actually a little scary! We gotta test the cutting of it. I’m not gonna keep you in these cuffs the entire time, who’s gonna grap the products for me? There’s a little thing here, but like… I guess we’ll just push it into it. I don’t trust Matt often with things that can cut.
Matthias: Ok, so you gotta like… yeah, yeah, you gotta do this Okay, here we go, yeah yeah okay. And then I just push. Hold up, hold up, hold up dude! This is gonna be– this is the problem. Tell me I’m not actually cuffed for life. Matthias: No like, I’m straight up like actually a little concerned. *screaming* Dude, how on earth is this supposed to cut this? Are you kidding me? There’s no way! You have to be like Thor. *more screaming* Oh, hey hey I got it! I got it! And he didn’t cut the bracelet either, everybody. Oh yeah, I didn’t! So check this out: I have to put this thing through, like this And then I have to like essentially force it through. Try to cut that. Just literally clamp your hands on that. Tanner: What the heck?
Matthias: I know, that’s what I’m saying, dude. It’s so difficult.
Tanner: That can’t be right. *prolonged screams of the hecked* :O That’s what I’m saying dude, I had to give it my all! Can you imagine everytime they get a prisoner out of this, the cop’s like, “HNNNRRGGG” He just thinks of his dog died: “HRRRNNNGGG :'(” I guarantee you we have like police officers and like people in that service And/or wives that have husbands that are police officers or husbands that have wives that have police officers And they’re just crying right now. They’re just like, “these idiots!” Before we move onto the next couple of products, I just wanted to remind you that We have a Reddit! So what that means is click that link down in the description below If you find crazy products, submit them to the Reddit and we’ll open that up in a future video. I’m super excited to start using those products, but uh, these videos haven’t hit you yet, so there’s no products on the Reddit. But there will be once you go over there. Does that make sense?
Tanner: Dude, I never understood anything more clear. Next item! Ew! This is not… Tanner, this is not, this is not what you think this is.
Tanner: Oh sorry, that’s a personal shopping list. Peerless Handcuff… okay so this isn’t about breaking into prison, it’s just about things that have been used by prison. Is there anything in here that will help me break out of prison? Tanner: I mean, theoretically if you know how to use any of this stuff it will probably help you break out of prison. True
Tanner: Like if I was to have these cuffs and act like I was wearing them And I walk around, they’d be like, “ah, he’s cuffed up, there’s no problem.”
WATZAHH, I’M GONE! Who are you, Houdini?
Tanner: Dude, I’m David Blaine Alright, so this is a waist chain with a handcuff connected at each hip. Are we 100% sure that we didn’t go into the dark side of Amazon?
Tanner: This feels like some princess Leia stuff, right here Add to cart! Tanner: Are you ready?
Matthias: Oh my gosh! That is heavy! There are the keys, just making sure before I put it on you that there are keys. Okay, there is no way that this is like a legit one. There’s no way. Tanner: Yeah, that’s a legit key.
Matthias: This is a– No, come on! That’d be so easy to pick! That key? Alright, Tanner. So, how does this work, I go around your front? You go around whatever side you want. My body is your canvas. Is that it? Tanner: I feel like one of the Suicide Squad members. I just don’t feel like that’s a… What if I just went like this? That can’t be it then David Blaine! You know what we should’ve done? We should’ve tested to see if we could unlock them. You wanna try?
Matthias: We got to Yeah, I know you’re lying. Oh. It was unlocked. And I was like :O So I would say that one’s a no-go, probably because I used it wrong. So until I use it right, these handcuffs are a “bailed it” for sure. What is this? Transport hood? Is this to like hide someone’s identity? Protective detainee hood. Disposable. Use on any prisoner or subject that has become belligerent, unruly, or threatening. The medical filtration fabric helps to contain contaminants and dis a deterrent against biting or spitting.
Tanner: NICE! So it literally reduces spitting and biting? I’m sure you could bite through that thing. Alright, let’s see if we can find one of these on Amazon. Oh, we found one! And it looks even more dumb. Alright Tanner, I’m gonna need you to try and bite me. Add to cart! Makes attempts at spitting or biting ineffective. Can you imagine someone like not knowing what this is for and they just try to spit? And it just goes… just hangs right there and they’re just like, “aw, that was like the biggest loogie ever!” Oh theres… like there’s a ton of them. That’s fantastic Tanner: I feel like this is something rappers nowadays would use just for aesthetics. They’re just like, “Yo, put that stupid bib-looking thing on me, I’m gonna rap through it.” I’m gonna rap through it! They’re like, *weird rapper sounds* God’s plan, God’s plan Alright Tanner, here we go. Come here. Do you want me to let you do this so I don’t mess up your hair, or do you care? I don’t really care, dude. My hair’s already got a receding hairline so… Oh, wow. This is upsetting. I look like I’m going skiing, dog!
Matthias: There you go
Tanner: Wow, I’ve never felt more unattractive in my life *unattractive sounds* Try to bite me, dude Oh, I can still bite you
Matthias: You can totally bite me It’d be more difficult, though ’cause you could slip out of it. ‘Cause the teeth can’t grab as well, you could slip out of it. Just talk with that. :v You can bite a hole through it!
Tanner: That’s what I’m trying to do. Okay, don’t break your… oh! You bit a hole through it! Now stick your tongue through it to make the hole bigger!(Uh what?) Tanner: Honestly, nothing more demoralizing than this right now. Honestly, it looks like your head’s losing circulation. Like take it off really quick, let’s see if that’s like… Tanner: If you don’t love me at this… You don’t deserve me at this. That’s funny man, I rate that at “jailed.” Personal admission kit. What? Save time and money with Bob Barker’s personal care kits. This is like… they know they’re gonna go to jail so they just buy this ahead of time? Or when they admit someone, this is what they give them? Let’s see what they got. Actually, let’s see what Amazon has. Ok, here we go, personal hygiene kit. Pretty much the same thing. Add to cart!
Tanner: You’re ADMITTED Let’s see what we got. Nice! I feel like I might just want this when I go on trips to Airbnbs. It’s just like you buy a bunch of these, and now I don’t have to pack. Amanda could be like, “did you pack?”
And I’ll be like, “yeah, I just got my prison admission kit.” Because it seems legit, right? I mean you got roll-on antiperspirant. I mean it says “fresh scent” right there, so It’s okay. Smells like prison. We got some anti-cavity fluoride toothpaste, a facial and body soap, so it’s just a bar of soap in there. Don’t drop it And… a shiv I think you made this into a shiv, didn’t you? Tanner: Mmmmaybe? So yes, this can definitely help you break out of prison.
So most likely what happens is this is not included in a prison kit. Because if this was included in an actual prison kit, I mean it’s got to… just on the wall, just shaving this down you can make a shiv. So tell me, what DO they include for brushing teeth? Tanner: So they actually include this. And I want you to practice trying it. Oh, you put it on your finger! And then you brush your teeth. Wow, that’s actually really smart Wow! It’s so soft! That’s it feel so good Tanner: He uses his to brush his beard in prison, that’s how committed to his beard he is Aight, so we got a comb here. This comb is floppy and flippy. I’m sure you could probably figure out how to make a shiv with this I’m sure many people have tried. Tanner: Yeah, I imagine cutting the bristles off
Matthias: Cut the bristles off and just shave it down It is floppy but I’m still– I’m thinking you can still pretty much stab someone Maybe not through clothes though, when it’s this floppy. Oh yeah, that’s it Tanner: That looks nicer
Matthias: That’s good It’s pulling out some… ow! You see that? Tanner: That looked… not good.
Matthias: That wasn’t good, dude. I mean, I’m gonna rate that a bay– a “bailed.” Bob Barker Stretch Slippers, all-purpose. Oh, that’s nice, you know so you don’t have to walk around barefoot. You can have some sweet slippers to roam around your cell with Tanner: Wait so have we addressed the fact like, why is Bob Barker, why did he go from The Price is Right to selling prison stuff? This isn’t the same Bob Barker.
Tanner: It’s not? Matthias: Is it?
Tanner: I think so. Maybe he’s just like, “Hey, for my prison buddies out here, some shoes for ya.” I don’t think it’s the same guy. I’d be super surprised if it’s the same guy Okay, stretchable uppers provide a snug comfortable fit. Pliable rubber. I get it Yeah, I get it, let’s see if they have some on Amazon. They sure do! Would you wear these? It’s like a sock with a sole.
Tanner: Yeah, I would wear that Add to cart It actually is a sock with a sole. I love it Rubber sss… rubble s… rubble Rubber soled slipper! Honestly, not bad. This feels like it’d be even better idea than socks or slippers. It’s just kind of a merge between both I honestly love this Wow, that’s still a lotta extra, lotta extra flop there WOAH *Tanner cackling* You got little baby feet, dude They’re so comfy though
Tanner: These are actually so comfortable I’m never gonna put on a different shoe. I don’t think I can. This is like what Toms should be. This is so nice, dude. It looks like you’re walking around in socks, though. Yeah it does, and it feels like it.
Matthias: But then you can be like BOP! I’ll say, “bailed” Max Voltage Double Strike Stun Gun – Rechargeable with LED flashlight Okay, so that can definitely help you break out of prison, that is no joke. I’m not tryna help people break out of prison, if anything, I’m giving them bad advice so they stay in prison ’cause they stupid. I just realized there might be– I might, myself, have some moral qualms with this video. Like what am I doing right now, dude? Let’s shift gears and let’s just say cops are awesome Tanner: We never once said they weren’t
Matthias: We never once said they weren’t, but– Tanner: So why are we shifting gears now and saying those?
Matthias: It’s not shifting gears it’s that maybe I was like “Oh, these are gonnna help you break out of prison!”
But then I was like, “yeah but that’s lame, dude!” Cops do so much work putting those d-bags in prison Add to cart These things always trip me out.
Tanner: Police officers? No, the taser stuff.
Tanner: Ah, yeah Look at this, you got a little flashlight there… I just don’t wanna press the wrong button Ok, that’s the flashlight. Wow, that is a powerful flashlight, too Where’s the on button for the… I hate these things, dude. Because they make me like w– Tanner: You’re nervous to hit the on button
Matthias: I’m super nervous Tanner: I think it’s that slider.
Matthias: You think I– it– oh, there you go Tanner: Dude Tasers are always so loud and I’ve been tased by a taser from your channel. Not from you.
Matthias: I know, Gunner did it You trust him more than me? Tanner: No, it’s just Gunners the king of doing stupid stuff So I might as well let the king of doing stupid stuff do stupid stuff Matthias: Yeah, ok
Tanner: You know I don’t want somebody who’s really cautious to do it Because then he might be a little too 50/50 to actually do it all the way Whereas, he’s gonna do all the way, I’m guaranteed gonna get an experience Alright, I won’t be cautious! Matthias: Wow, this, this is…
Tanner: Wow, that is so powerful This is like one of the most powerful ones I’ve seen. That’s like crazy check this out, yo That’s intense. Yeah, I mean this would definitely put someone in line Tanner: And it’s got a flashlight! Yeah, and a flashlight. Wait, did I get him? That’s a bail, dude. bAiLeD. Before we get into next prod– *weird accent* beforwegetintadanexprodudiggadi Before we get into that next product, big shout-out to Josh Yen for saying, “Tanner, please don’t seduce Matthia–” what? “Please don’t seduce Matthias. It makes us feel uncomfortable.” It makes YOU feel, it makes YOU feel uncomfortable? What’s the matter with you? How do you think it makes ME feel?
Tanner: Super happy! Nope The price is wrong Tanner: Dude that’s where I was gonna go Men’s Speed Stick Diversion Can… “Diversion Can.” It’s like the words are not used correctly. Men’s Speed Stick Diversion Can Safe Stash Okay, so it’s like a diversion can. What is a diversion can? Tanner: Is it saying “diversion can” or it can safe stash? That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know if it’s a diversion can, because you could put things in a can Tanner: Diversion can! Oh, what did you just do? That was a diversion can! Tanner: Gotcha!
Matthias: That was so loud, too. Totally as a diversion can!
Tanner: Gotcha 😉 Alright, look at this thing though man, that’s kinda cool. Tanner: I don’t know why you’d have money in prison.
Matthias: What do you mean?
Tanner: What’s money gonna do for you? It’ll get you to not be a costume when you drop the soap Add to cart Lookat this thing. This thing looks they actually took an actual Speed Stick, removed the insides, and then just resold it. Tanner: Wait a second, how’d that money get in there! Look at the packaging! It’s like ripped off and stuff. It’s like some dude from prison is like buying all these things, taking out the deodorant And then like reselling it. Tanner: He’s probably making money off of…
Matthias: He’s probably making money ’cause what’s this cost, like 3 bucks? Tanner: Oh yeah, about 3 bucks.
Matthias: And what’d we buy it for? 16 dollars? We just got duped. Wow, look at all this cash, dude. Is this my money? Tanner: Woah, there’s a 10 in there! Tanner: Wait a second Is it the first time you’ve ever seen a 10? Tanner: I didn’t mean to put a whole– I didn’t put that money in there Advil? Tanner: You put– I put drugs in there? This is supposed to be drugs? Tanner: Dog, it’s for all the headaches you’re getting in prison
Matthias: Oh my gosh, that is too much Tanner: You are?
Matthias: Yeah, you are? Tanner: How do you know all these facts, ghost of Michelle? Not Ghost of Michelle: Why do you think I’m a ghost? Tanner: Touché That’s crazy, dude. I mean it works, but I got duped so I’m gonna say jailed Ew, why? It’s an isolation gown. Disposable gowns to protect clothing. Resilient spun-bonded polypropylene (not impervious) Sounds pervious to me! Oh, this is for the people that are dealing with the criminals, so they don’t get crap on their clothes Yeah, they’re just like, “never, I want– I’m never going to prison!” *fart* You know what I mean?
Tanner: And they poop in prison? Yeah, well they try to poop on the people Man, I do not envy that job at all. Shout out to all the people that deal with detention centers or mental facilities Or like cops or firemen. Shout out to all those awesome people that service our cities, states, and country. Man, shout out to YOU guys, you guys are doing the real stuff.
Tanner: I don’t even know how much money they make, but they don’t make enough money. They don’t, I guarantee. I ain’t wanna do that stuff, so props to you guys. Anyways, add to cart! Whoa, that’s huge!
Tanner: Yeah, I am Wait, are there just a thousand of them? Or is it just one? No, it’s not. There’s so many. There’s like so many. Tanner: Why does it look like an egg patty? Yeah, it looks like we just took this out of like a giant like, a giant McDonald’s like McBiscuit or something Wait no, there’s tons in here. There’s a thousand in here! Wow This actually might be good for Rex though, dude.
Tanner: Yeah, maybe
Matthias: Except it’s so ugly Imagine a prisoner doing this, “Listen, I just got my jumpsuit. I don’t want to dirt my jumpsuit up!” Tanner: You wanna get tied?
Matthias: Nah
Tanner: Dude, I got that look right now, just like What are those, Harry Potter socks? Yeah, Gryffindor! Catch me in prison reppin Gryffindor, dude You walk by, someone spits at you, you’re like, “Slytherin.” Just started hissing, “parseltongue? In prison?” This video right here is the video from SkyMall that I was talking about before. It’s pretty dang funny. You gotta check this one out. And this one is the stun cane which… ? Might be apropos, if you know what I’m saying And click Subscribe if you’re new here. We’ll see you here more often. High-five


100 thoughts on “10 Products That Will Help You BREAK OUT of Jail!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *